Addiction

Well, it's been a while since I've last been on here. I thought things were getting better until today. I just had a perfect opportunity to study for my final exams, but I wasted it completely by surfing the internet for hours on end. Now I just feel completely hopeless and depressed. The worst part of it is, I thought I was fine just a few weeks ago--I was productive, on task, and calm. But all of a sudden, I developed an obsession with something--or should I say, someone. This may sound a bit pathetic, but I think I may have a celebrity crush. Yes, the type that is usually common with pre-pubescent girls. Anyways, I just can't stop thinking about this, and it's becoming quite a distraction. Every chance I get, I start reading about him, and I just can't stop.

It's times like these when I feel really useless. I do a crappy job on my assignments, and then I feel  jealous and insecure at my classmates' stronger senses of self control. After wards, I repent and tell myself that I'll never do it again, but the cycle eventually just repeats itself. I suppose I have made some improvement, as I only experience these "binges", as I like to call them, about a few times a month as opposed to on a regular basis. Still, sometimes I wish I could constrain my childish urges and just get on with it.  I need to stop blaming other people for my unhappiness, and I need to just be in the moment.