Just keep starting
Why am I here?
Because I have had enough. Because I do not want to procrastinate any more. Because everything else I've tried has not worked. Because I want to change.
Because I will not give up.
I've been a procrastinator all my life. I don't know what the reason is. Is it ADHD? Is it avoidance of anxiety? Is impulsiveness? Is it perfectionism? Is it all of the above or none of the above?
I dont' know. I don't care.
I just want it to stop.
At an intellectual level, I know the issues. I've read 'the now habit', 'the procrastination equation' and 15 other books on how to stop procrastinate (probably while I should have been working on something more important). Each has its own theory, each its own reason and each its own suggestions.
I know I'm supposed to make lists. Lists of priorities. Priorites derived from goals... from dreams.I know I'm supposed to break these dreams into small little pieces that make them manageable. Small enough that they are no longer intimidating. Ironically, perhaps small enough that are not longer even distant reminders of the dreams in the first place (I know, I'm exagerating).
I know... and yet I don't know. I try. Believe me I try. I have lists. I go to bed praying that armed with my lists and positive visualization and self-hypnosis scripts, tomorrow will be different. But it never is.
So I am here. Perhaps writing about and sharing my experience will help take me in a new direction.
As some background... by any stretch of the imagination, I'm quite succesful. Work at a very presitgious firm, have a great family. went to some of the best schools in the country. Yet, I know that my procrastination has held me back. Has caused pain to those I love.
As an example, in school, I had semesters where I had a 4.0 and top grades in each class. I had other quarters where I did not show up to class for half the semester.
I have been so late on turning in my expenses at work (literally just needed to hand them over to my assistant) that I've literally shredded the receipts in fear of my wife finding out that thick stack that could no longer be submitted.
That is why I am here.
I am here because I know all the answers, yet I have none.
That is why I am here.
I am here with hoping that at least one piece of advice i read will help. In 'the now habit', at one point the author essentially says don't worry about finishing... just keep starting.
So I am here. I am here to start... Once again :)