This is a grumble about my beloved other half - I really don't know the best way of handling this.
My husband is severely disabled - I have to help with a lot of basic care, as well as any task required in the house. He can use the computer, mostly with a mouse, but can type a few sentences at a time. I am used to doing vritually everything for the two of us, and that doesn't bother me too much. But this morning's comment from him really annoyed me. We were discussing the day's plan, starting off with going shopping together, and going to look at a bungalow we might buy. Then he said "But I need to be back by 3pm so I can watch the football on television. While I'm doing that you can do your long list of things to do". By which he particularly means a complicated letter to our solicitor, a claim on our travel insurance, and several phone calls to sort out various problems, and then the housework etc, etc. And did I mention the lemon meringue pie I haven't made yet that he wants?
I'm used to being nagged for things I have procrastinated on, but for him to say he's going to relax watching TV while I have to do the chores has really annoyed me, and I told him so. I'm the one that works full-time and I want to spend some of my Saturday relaxing! In fact comments like that just increase my "demand resistance" mode.
There - that's off my chest - maybe I'll get round to doing the solicitor's letter later.
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Is your husband as understanding of your disability (procrastination) as you are of his disability?
Now that's an interesting
Now that's an interesting question - I'd never thought of it like that. We've never discussed it, and most of the time he is very tolerant. Maybe it's time we had a conversation about my problems.
For me one of the payoffs of procrastinating is showing people who want me to do things that I don't have to do them. Of course, procrastinating often hurts me more than it hurts them. I try to keep both these things in mind -- the payoff and the price -- when I am deciding what to do with my time. I'm not as good at dealng with people's demands as I'd like to be. I have trouble just saying no. I tend to do whatever someone asks, on the unspoken assumption that they will return the favor, even if it's only by permitting me to do what I want to do at some point. This works poorly, because I don't get them to agree with that up front, perhaps. Then I get resentful and sometimes express it by being passive-aggressive, I suppose you call it, and not doing things to "show them." What a crazy mess.
Sounds frustrating! Hope today was/is a better day.
Things have cheered up a bit. Over the weekend we've found a bungalow we think we can afford to buy, which would make so much difference to our lives. So S is happier and less prone to obsess over all the things that he can't do and I can't be bothered to do.
I can relate to having hubby problems. I feel in a lot of ways that my procrastinating is very tied into our relationship. He has no problem asking and getting help from me, but visa versa, I just float away and my needs & goals. I also think my resentments are hidden in my procrastination. So nice to talk about these things with others that can relate. Thanks so much for sharing & being here!!
♥"Careful the wish we make, wishes are children. Careful the path they take, wishes come true..." From "Children Will Listen," by Stephen Sondheim.♥
I also think my resentments are hidden in my procrastination.
That is so true for me.