Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
Revenge On my Parents - Cause Of My Procrastination
So I was thinking about why I procrastinate, and how it all started, and I think I came up with something. When I was ten years old, I took home an amazing report card. I had over ninety percent in all my subjects, I even had ninety-nine percent in one. I showed my report card to my parents, hoping for some sort of recognition, maybe even a small reward. I was told that I didn't deserve a reward for doing what was expected of me. I was a little upset, because I wanted a little recognition for my efforts. A few weeks later I found out that my father had taken my report card to work to brag to all of his work buddies about what a smart daughter he had. I was mad. I got nothing for my efforts, but he gets the emotional reward of being able to brag about me to his friends? I didn't think it was fair, and felt that he was trying to take credit for my success, while telling me it wasn't a success, it was something I had to do. So I stopped trying in school. That was the last good report card I ever took home. But that I believe, is not the entire reason why I started procrastinating. As a child, my home life was terrible. I was emotionally abused, and at times emotionally tortured. I was treated as if I were sub-human. Doing my schoolwork, cleaning my room, being a "good" child, would have sent my parents the message that they were doing a good job. I didn't ever want them to think that. Even now, if I really think about it, it's still the cause of my procrastination, even if it is subconcious. I fear that if I am successful in my life, then my parents will believe that they did a good job raising me. Procrastinating, failing at life, is like some sort of twisted revenge on my parents. like I'm saying "See? See how f*cked up you made me? You failed at parenting."
So I was wondering if anyone else who had a rotten childhood feels that revenge on their parents might be a contributing factor as to why they procrastinate?
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yeah...shitty parents
Katelyn-Anne, thank you for writing your insightful post. I'm impressed by
how healthy and self-aware you sound after surviving such a tough and abusive
childood.
I can relate to your story somewhat. I had an overcontrolling and borderline
abusive mother, and I would say she was a shitty parent to me and my
siblings. And after reading an article about demand resistance, i
understand the roots of my procrastination a bit more.
I wish I was as self-aware as you are when I was your age, would have saved
me a lot of wasted years.
"I think I came up with
"I think I came up with something."
You sure did! This is brilliant stuff.
"my father had taken my report card to work to brag to all of his work buddies about what a smart daughter he had."
This sounds quite familiar to me. Yes. My dad bragged all the time. Incessantly. His little boy, yada yada. While making me feel inadequate, ALL the time.
"he was trying to take credit for my success, while telling me it wasn't a success, it was something I had to do."
Yes, that's what they do. "Keep the flag flying!" Every day was a desperate struggle to be good enough.
"Procrastinating, failing at life, is like some sort of twisted revenge on my parents."
Absolutely. I really never saw this before. Thank you for pointing it out.
"So I was wondering if anyone else who had a rotten childhood feels that revenge on their parents might be a contributing factor as to why they procrastinate?"
Must be. I had a bizarre, subtly abusive childhood. Psychlogical torture at an extremely low level, but constant.
Thank you for the insight, and thank you for reminding me how important this website is to me.
That's a really interesting
That's a really interesting story, and I can definitely believe that it had a huge impact on you. I am a believer that traumatic events as a child can have a huge effect on people as an adult, but thats a whole other discussion...
Don't let this ruin your life. The best thing you can do is be successful and ignore your parents, if they ever bring up the whole "Look how successful you are and how well I raised you" in front of other people, just be like "I did this in spite of you and recount your story posted here.
The second best thing you could do is be successful and actively tell people it is in spite of your parents to give them a big F U.
The most important thing is to not let it stand in the way of you being successful and leading a happy life.
revenge
I believe this is where the expression 'cutting off your nose to spite your face' comes from. Don't let your past hold you back from your future. You are here, so that indicates you want to do good things with your life. Best of luck and keep posting!.
Jo
'You become what you think about most of the time.' - Brian Tracy
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KA
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HI K-A,
Thanks for your post. I can relate - Though I was not emotionally abused or totured, my mother married at a young age, and did not finish her studies, or find work in her field once she was married. Thus, she was desperate for her kids to succeed where she had failed. She always pushed us to get advanced degrees and work in intelectual fields. I am now working full time, and studying part time for my masters in engineering, and failing at both.
I don't know if this is the cause of my procastination. I decided a year ago that I needed to seek help, and since then have seen two psychologists, an organizational specialist, and a learning expert, all with no success. I joined this site yesterday, and hope it will help me where others have failed.
Have you tried seeing a therapist? Was it helpful?
oops
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