Revenge On my Parents - Cause Of My Procrastination
So I was thinking about why I procrastinate, and how it all started, and I think I came up with something. When I was ten years old, I took home an amazing report card. I had over ninety percent in all my subjects, I even had ninety-nine percent in one. I showed my report card to my parents, hoping for some sort of recognition, maybe even a small reward. I was told that I didn't deserve a reward for doing what was expected of me. I was a little upset, because I wanted a little recognition for my efforts. A few weeks later I found out that my father had taken my report card to work to brag to all of his work buddies about what a smart daughter he had. I was mad. I got nothing for my efforts, but he gets the emotional reward of being able to brag about me to his friends? I didn't think it was fair, and felt that he was trying to take credit for my success, while telling me it wasn't a success, it was something I had to do. So I stopped trying in school. That was the last good report card I ever took home. But that I believe, is not the entire reason why I started procrastinating. As a child, my home life was terrible. I was emotionally abused, and at times emotionally tortured. I was treated as if I were sub-human. Doing my schoolwork, cleaning my room, being a "good" child, would have sent my parents the message that they were doing a good job. I didn't ever want them to think that. Even now, if I really think about it, it's still the cause of my procrastination, even if it is subconcious. I fear that if I am successful in my life, then my parents will believe that they did a good job raising me. Procrastinating, failing at life, is like some sort of twisted revenge on my parents. like I'm saying "See? See how f*cked up you made me? You failed at parenting."
So I was wondering if anyone else who had a rotten childhood feels that revenge on their parents might be a contributing factor as to why they procrastinate?