Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

Please help...trying again to reach out.

Hi everyone,

I just stumbled across the thread about telephones, and as I was marvelling that my lifelong
phone-a-phobia wasn't the idiosyncratic problem that I had always thought it was, I couldn't help noticing that everyone else in the thread was
likewise marvelling.  Maybe I need to give PA another try.  I joined
last spring, wrote an introduction, got some welcoming responses, but
then... kept striking out.  I went to the chatbox and tried to talk to
the folks there, but no one answered.  Another day I tried posting a
list in the daily forum, but nothing happened.  Then someone contacted
me through the site, another doctoral student, looking for an
accountability buddy, and I was very hopeful about that arrangement,
only... just a day or two in, he dropped the ball.  (He later apologized
and promised to do better, but maybe because I saw too much of myself
in him, I was too discouraged to try again.  Perhaps I should have.)

since then I've swung by the site periodically to see if there are new
articles or tips that might be useful, but it's a very passive kind of
consumption - exactly the kind of thing I do with my stack of books on
productivity and time management and organizing, or the blogs I read
regularly looking for answers.  I know I'm not going to solve my
problems sitting on my butt in front of a computer screen - in fact, as I
think someone on here mentions in his or her signature tag,
procrastination research has become simply another form of
procrastination for me.

Things are worse than ever, though, and I
know that it's all my fault.  I can clearly see how I am sabotaging my
health, my career, and my relationships.  I can also clearly see, in a
way that I couldn't before, that the priest who told me when I was
sixteen that I needed to be careful with alcohol because I had an
"addictive personality" was right.  Really, the only reason I've managed
to avoid alcoholism is the knowledge that it only has two possible
outcomes - death, or recovery, which means giving it up forever, and I'm
horrified at the thought of never being able to drink again.  So I
substitute other things for alcohol.  Right now, it's TV.  Just another
way of incapacitating myself.  I haven't showered or left the apartment in three days.

I clearly have a problem.  I need help.  This is a
12-step group, and I've heard of the 12 steps; I know what goes on in
meetings because I've seen them portrayed on tv shows; but this group
doesn't have face-to-face meetings, right?  At least outside of
Cambridge, Mass?  Can I join the online meeting on Sunday, or is there a
cycle in progress that needs to complete, before starting over with
Step 1?  And speaking of Step 1 - I understand the logic with regard to
alcohol and drugs, but in terms of the procrastination issue - I already
feel helpless!  My refrain is always "I can't, I can't, I can't..."  So
admitting my powerlessness feels somewhat redundant.  A huge part of my
problem is that I'm always letting myself off the hook, or making
excuses for myself, or relying on other people to pick up the slack,
because "I can't"...

I'm sure I'm misunderstanding somehow.  Can
someone please explain Step 1 to me?  And tell me how to hook in here, how
to use the forums and chatbox to interact, to give and receive
encouragement, accountability, etc.  I am feeling so isolated - a new city, a new job (which I'm apparently doing my best to get myself fired from), and no one to turn to.  How do you ask for help when YOU are your only problem?  "Just stop [being so self-destructive]."  What other advice is there to give?  Even my therapist eventually gave up on me.

Anyway - thank you all for being here, for reading my message (if you made it to the end - I'm sorry it's so wordy - especially if you have ADD, like I do!) - I really do see this community as a source of hope; I'm just struggling to figure out how to fit in.



Thank you for your share, I can relate. When I started meetings in a different group, somehow I thought everyone else had the answers except me. After 6 months, I got the courage to call someone, she said it sounded like I needed more meetings and I honestly thought that the only reason she said that was because she did not want to talk to me. Keep coming back, what struck me about your share was your very astute priest when he told you you had an addictive personality:

"priest who told me when I was
sixteen that I needed to be careful with alcohol because I had an
"addictive personality" was right.  Really, the only reason I've managed
to avoid alcoholism is the knowledge that it only has two possible
outcomes - death, or recovery, which means giving it up forever, and I'm
horrified at the thought of never being able to drink again.  So I
substitute other things for alcohol.  Right now, it's TV.  Just another
way of incapacitating myself.  I haven't showered or left the apartment in three days."

I too thought if I could just put the addiction down, my personality would be just fine, then I learned the addiction was just a "symptom" of my damaged personality. The addiction, whatever it is, is just the tip of the iceberg. Keep coming back.

(( Jenny ))

Hey,  you are with us. Ok, that's MY step-A. You admitted a problem, my step-B

(my apologies to the particulars of the genuine 12 step...hope you understand folks)

Now Jenny--dial in to some meeting...the human vocal sound WILL help. Don't say anything, Just listen....hang up whenever you feel like. No judgment will be made.

Or, ask a question.....make it a silly one...:-) all will flow from there.

Does that help?

Then that's step-C.   Now wwe'll work on step-D tomorrow or later....Rejoice in ABC.


Hi Jenny!

Everyone's here for ya...

Tell us one good thing which you did since the last time you were here.

I'll reply to you too...

Hi Jenny,

I remember reading your earlier post and I replied to it too. I am inspired by you, the  fact that you have completed your Masters.

Jenny, I can reply to you too.

And there's this one thing...I feel terrible about myself...I don't think I'm a good person...Will you tell me to forgive myself, knowing that I am a procratinator and am responsible for my own destruction? May sound odd, but please reply.

Hi Jenny you can join the

Hi Jenny

you can join the online meetings on Sundays, I think there is even one on Saturdays now, just click on the meeting tab in the chatbox and voila!

There is absolutely no requirement, everyone can come.

About checking in in the chatbox to work through your task, it really depends on the days, sometimes it's crowded and people interact, other times everyone is just working through their tasks and not really reading what others are writing.

I joined PA end 2008, used it for a short time and then stopped coming even though I knew it was useful. It took me a while before I had the courage to go to the chatbox and say what I wanted to work on.

I can't help with the 12steps, I haven't gone through them yet, but there is a thread about it somewhere and I know people who are going through them. There is often an informal chat at the end of the sunday meeting, you could ask there if there's anyone doing the 12 steps

Come along to the meeting today, there's one in 2hours, sharing will help if only to release some tension. And you could come to the chatbox if you want to do a little bit today, even the smallest thing, I'm there right now so I will answer

The problem with procrastination, is you can't really go cold turkey, that would mean no break and no pleasure ever, which is not the answer. I know sometimes it feels like you're stuck forever and will never get better, but that's not true, you can get better and yes there will be bad days but those will only be relapses and you'll find a way to start again the following day.

welcome back:)

Thank you, Kromer, Vic, and Findingaway...

...I really appreciate your responses.  It's 11:30 and I just got out of bed; have been sitting at the table feeling incredibly depressed and overwhelmed, and then remembered that I could check in here.  I will try the daily forum now...

Kromer, your offer is very generous.  If you could be "there" for me, even just in a "I know that she's aware of my existence and is looking out for my post" kind of way, while I'm getting started, I would be most grateful.


hi Jenny

great posts here this morning. and thanks jenny for yours. i so identify. would really like to read that thread on telephone-phobia! and feel free to be in touch privately, just click on the membereship list, to send a pvt msg to me or anyone else re you'll see their name ands can contact them. i am new here - but find it helpful and wld be  willing to try being accountable with you. im in the eastern standard time zone. holler if you want to talk, texxt, email. all the best - we just do it a day at a time. 

oh - re step 1 and the admission of powerlessness over procrastination, and that oiur lives have become unmanageable: this step took me a long time to understand too. i didnt like labeling myself, and sure didnt like saying i was powerless! but i was. what i've come to understand is related to a phase in the big book of aa, which says that we were so far gone with our ' disease' -( fill in the blank, alcohol, food , procrastination, etc . - )that no "human power" could relieve us of our compulsion to drink, eat, gamble, procrastinate, avoid, etc etc whatever it is we do to relieve emotional pain, anxiety. this is where the concept of 'surrender' to a higher power, or hp, comes in. in step 2, we come to believe that a power greater than ourelves can relieve us, or restore us, to sanity. for some this mean a spiritual higher poweer, for others this "hp" is the 12 step group or whatever they can feel is more powerful than they are and that they feel trust in and comforted by. in step 3, we turn our will (our will. this is called becoming willing)and our lives over to the direction of this higher power as we understand (conceive of)this higher power, or hp. so it means we let go of trying to figure it out via our will, intellect, self help, magic bullets, etc all those things we've tried, the books, all the thinking, and good intentions...and we let go (sounds counter-intuitive i know) and place our faith and trust in a higher power/program of recovery. 

 because of the concept of 'demand resistence' that seems to be at the base of a lot of procras - this is hard for me, and maybe others, why we fall away, have a hard time sticking with things, are addicted to avoidance - but i do believe the 12 step model works and is a way of being helped to change.

anyone reading this who has another understanding of step 1 might add to this to help you/me. its usually called hitting bottom. and the first three steps are usually 'worked' or taken together. when we hit bottom, we are usually more willing to accept that our way hasn't worked, and we become willing to try another way.

i wish us both a day of small good progress baby steps, those micro bursts of 5-15 minute timed little bits of effort. take care jenny, best, peregrine. (who cant capitalize, lol, as when i try to, the site reloads and erases my comments!)  

Welcome back Jennyfleur!


Hang in there Jenny! 

For me, posting a check-in every day has made a difference - just knowing there are others out there even if no one contacts me or comments directly - I feel like there's a community that I belong to and that I'm not alone in my struggles. There's something about making myself accountable too that helps.

I have not found any magic bullets (yet!) although there are lots of great tips and inspiring words on this site too. There is a thread somewhere about just getting 15 minutes at a time done (microbursts) that has helped me - but in the end "gritting my teeth" to get that 15 minutes even started has often been the only way.

I hope that procrastinators anonymous will really help you too. You're in good company!


Just lost my other response, so I will try onece again as well.

1. You are not alone

2. Keep coming back

3. Click on the name of people you relate to below, and with the info page, click "contact" tab and you can send an e-mail directly. I am sure you will get responses.


welcome back!

Hi Jennyfleur!

You are definitely welcome to join the online meetings anytime you like! There are phone meetings, too, if that would be more useful for you. (all meetings are listed here:

I understand that it can be hard to get started here--we don't have sponsors, and it can be hard to find a task buddy. For me just the practice of showing up here at the forums every day and checking in, and going to the chatbox and "talking" through my tasks, can be hugely helpful, whether or not others respond.

 If you want/need more feedback from others, I'd suggest calling in to the morning phone that meeting, people set in times to check in by phone throughout the day. 

I can't commit to being a long-term task partner, but if you would like someone to get you started for the next week or so I can definitely do that. (For instance, if you'd like someone to reply to your check-in on the forums, I can commit to doing that for the first couple weeks you're back...or if you want to work together in the chatbox some day, we can set up a time to do that.)

Glad you're back!