Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

Thursday November 4 2010

Before enlightenment, sweep the temple floor.

After enlightenment, sweep the temple floor.

Zen Buddhist saying.

Vic 11/4

Show up (done)

Ask God to direct my  thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity , dishonest or self-seeking motives.

Not one of my better days, but grateful that I am "keepingon keeping on". Thanks for being here.

Thursday Whether I Like It Or Not

So Far Today:

Gathered papers
Came to work
Returned calls
Called Mike
Ordered book per Mike
Went to Lunch w/ Sara
Came back to office, made coffee
Updated schedule

katia 11/4

Yesterday I was so sad most of the day. Very stressed. Meeting with my parents and counselor and not looking forward to crushing their plans that I just give up my son. Really frightened about them treating me even worse.

Clearly I should have done my hw yesterday.
-Reading quiz
-PS #29
-Call Y

katia update

Because I love to see those strikethroughs :)

Today was alright. I don't have alot of parental support buttt. . .I got through today, conversed with them for the first time, and did not spontaneously combust. Lots to tackle still, but today was another step.

-Reading quiz
-PS #29
-Call Y

I am disappointed I did not get 100% on my PS before it was due at eleven. I REALLY hope I can manage an A in this course, despite the circumstances. Goodnight people!


Hang in there. 

What follows is some "experience, strength, and hope," as people say in the "rooms" — I relate to the suffering you describe, and it brings part of my story to mind. 

I've been in some very bad jams over the years — many before I entered 12 Step recovery, and many since. Times when I felt my world was falling about around me, because of mistakes I, and no one else, made. Times when I felt as if fear and self-hatred were all there is for me. Times when I felt utterly alone, forsaken.

First thing is, somehow I've gone through these times and got to the other side. Every time. Every time, I thought "This is it, the end; there's only horrible outcomes in front of me"; every time I emerged on the other side into a different outcome than I had projected.

Second thing is, before coming to recovery it literally never crossed my mind to just open up to someone completely about the deepest and darkest fears, thoughts and secrets I had and ask for help. At my very first meeting I saw another man do this, right in the middle of this group of virtual strangers (!) — in his case, showing us, tears streaming down his face, how he felt sure he was going to get divorced and have to live the "weekend dad" life, with much less time with his kids. And how that prospect was ripping him up inside. I'd never seen anything like it in my life. It seemed like he was emitting light as he spoke. I thought, Whoah, something really unusual is going on in this room. Somehow I knew instantly that there was a power present in that room that was bigger than all my problems. 

Eventually I had my own experiences of letting other people see into the parts of me I most wanted to hide. More slowly, I'm gradually learning to follow instructions from the people who know my insides on that level — for me, that takes serious trust; my default is to assume that no one and no thing is on my side. The more I give myself to the principles of the Steps, and bring them to bear on whatever Problem of the Day is troubling me, the less baffling and hellish my daily experience becomes. Procrastination and perfectionism are my current challenge, but it's easier to trust that just doing the program and taking suggestions will help, because this has helped with other issues.

Didn't intend to ramble on so long. I'll leave off by saying that there's an AA Big Book reading on trust and surrender that has helped me a lot:page 60 last paragraph through page 63 second paragraph. (The two paragraphs at bottom of 62 and top of 63 also drive me nuts because they're written in judeo-christian terms I don't relate to in any literal way, but the principles underneath those terms have worked just fine for me, in a totally pragmatic, real-world way. The attitude those paragraphs describe simply works, for me, and self-reliance doesn't.)    



Letting hair down

I went to an all-male Al-Anon meeting almost every week for a year just  because it was so interesting and unusual to see guys really dropping the I-can-handle-anything facade and talk about what was killing them. At the same time, like many of them, I was being kicked out of my home, pushed to the edges of my children's lives and spending the equivalent of a public college education defending myself from a divorce lawsuit. I never said a word at any of the meetings until the last one, when I introduced myself and said a few sentences about why I was there. Then I quit going. But the online meetings like this are as good. It's nice to know you're not the only one who feels like maybe he downed a pound of ground glass with his morning   oatmeal. 

Thanks Ian and Scribbler :)


Today was really hard actually because I wasn't talking to someone I didn't know very well but my parents. But I definitely applaud anyone who has the courage to share with strangers, even if it is just an introduction.

Being only 20 years old, I can't empathize with some of those things, but it is SO encouraging to hear people say that they get through things even when it seems like the most horrible thing (what Ian said). And I can certainly sympathize. I at last know what it's like to feel like absolute crap. lol? It's good to not be alone.

Hoping we all get through our. . .things!. . .with strength :)

((katia11)) wishing you

((katia11)) wishing you strength


'You become what you think about most of the time.' - Brian Tracy

Thank you Journey and chickadee :)

I imagine those parentheses as hugs lol.

Thank you <3<3<3 It's helpful to be able to share. One thing at a time!

BC 11/4

findingaway, thanks for starting the thread!

Work 8AM-5PM: 

-Organize tables for project 3 rel

-Finishing intro to project 3 rel

-update analysis of project 3 rel with correct parts [DONE]

-update project 3 fvp list [DONE]

After Work 5PM-Sleep: 

-Go for a run

-Sell computer case

-Sell dvdrw drive 

-Sell b gps 

-Read 100 pgs GTOG 

-List pillows on ebay

-List blanket on ebay

-Ask b to do dishes

-Vacuum first floor and stairs 

-pay Macy's card [DONE]

-buy groceries 

checking in thurs nov 4 - tracy-la

Good morning:

Checking in today.

Doing my basics (showing up/gratitude/reading/affirmation/check calendar/billing and timesheet goals)

I went off task as soon as I got up this morning (reading an interesting book) and am addressing my issues of being an information and intellectual junkie. These are temptations for me and I am working on a structure where these temptations are out of reach or not to be done when I have work since they're hard to let go especially if I'm tired or having a rough day.

Take care everyone and keep moving on! 


tiptree CI

1) script done
2) q. bug fixed
3) test filter vs real data
4) progress in anon feature -> working minus backing
5) clean office
6) read 50 pp.
7) work on mt folder issue
8) review single sess code
9) practice guitar
10) mail check
11) read ch. tech book

Ian's journal and to-do's, 11.4

Yesterday was a struggle, but I'm up and at 'em today and am doing the right things — chief choices so far have been: 

  • to start the workday at a coffee shop instead of the home office; when I do the latter, I'm often powerless over frittering away the morning, as I did yesterday, on sleep and Internet dithering.  
  • to pick up the phone and talk with my sponsor; that talk really helped me get into an open, self-accepting frame of mind. 
For journaling today, just a quick Gratitude List:
  • I'm grateful for the lie I told to my wife; it gave me an opportunity to feel the burn of dishonesty, lack of integrity. Today, I'd rather ask for help in telling the truth than be self-reliant and tell more lies. 
  • I'm grateful for my wife's insistence on interrogating me about work issues and attempting to micromanage me, and the desperate desire for control that underlies these behaviors. These things give me an opportunity to practice setting boundaries; my pattern is that when I'm experiences consequences of my procrastination/perfectionism, I don't believe I deserve any personal boundaries or dignity. I think I should be grateful I'm not getting fired, divorced, etc. What I want to practice is just to calmly but firmly insist that — because we are husband and wife, not mother and wayward son or boss and underperforming employee — we stop talking about anything regarding my work except those issues that affect us as husband and wife, as family.
  • I'm grateful for my six-hour procrastination fit yesterday morning; it gave me opportunity to see again how I always have trouble with transitions after I've finished a big project I've been hyperfocused on. I suspect there are several things that drive this pattern: 
    • ADD people who "hyperfocus" on an activity have notorious trouble shifting when that activity concludes. I hyperfocus and the rest of my life tends to lose reality — there's only the one thing in front me; little room for anything else to exist. When it's over, I'm at loose ends. Suggests (a) that practicing a more balanced approach might help, and (b) that obsessive focus on a single activity might just be a workstyle that needs some adjustment. (Duh.)
    • When fearful, self-seeking attitudes are activated with respect to a given project, the perfectionism and obsessive research/revision kicks in. I go through hell on such projects. I get to the end of one of them — likely delivering it a looooong while after I said I would and with other work and commitments seriously backlogged — and usually what I do is collapse in relief and exhaustion but with mental chatter that says, "GET BACK TO WORK! NO REST FOR THE WEARY! YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE IT QUICKER AND THEN YOU'D BE ABLE TO TAKE A BREAK." And there's this neglected little kid inside me who's been hurting, feels lost and lonely and hopeless. I yell at myself and this kid's heart sinks further, he's hearing that he doesn't even get a break and certainly won't be appreciated for what he's gone through and the work he's done. He's tired, depressed — and when these new demands come, without any pause, he's now angry. Which he expresses largely through passive aggressive, self-sabotaging behavior. Maybe just maybe I need to take care of myself better when I finish a project — and if my wife won't participate, I need to go to other recovering people for love and acceptance.
(okay, not a "quick list," but that's okay.)
Today's To-Do List
- client #1: daily report
- client #1: prototype of by-topic analytics (this is a month overdue)
- client #1: invoice
- client #2: call - noon
- client #2: sketch outline, new assignment
- client #2: begin prep for on-site meetings
- take kids to b-day party
- daily renewal
- exercise
- journaling
- meditation
- meeting
- morning prayer
- readings
- post to-do list on PA
- work in the chatbox  


ian and gratitude

I enjoy your gratitude list and your insight.  Thanks for posting (and I'm glad it went better than feared last night, so it seems).

I am grateful for:

- today's difficult task that challenges my intellect (at least it is interesting)

- the large long-term task that keeps me gainfully employed

gratitude lists

Thanks Ruth. 

There's a speaker tape in a fellowship I'm part of where the guy recalls his sponsor suggesting he make gratitude lists, "and not the kid of list where you're beatifically going on about how wonderful everything is — I want to hear how you're grateful for the things that are really kicking your ass, right now."

That always struck me as interesting, and when I actually started doing gratitudes that way (I could stand to do such lists more often) I found it to be a powerful tool. It's a really important Step 4, Step 10 tool for me; helps me discover fears, resentments, harms done, selfish/self-centered motives. Ongoing Step 4, Step 10 work is how I find out my "spiritual condition" in relation to this principle, from AA Big Book's "acceptance" reading:

"I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes."


Great comments about transitions!  I have those very same issues.


'You become what you think about most of the time.' - Brian Tracy


Thanks for sayin' so! Writing it helps me and its feels good to hear that it strikes a chord.

Ruth CI

I just figured out that CI = Check In.  A bit slow.

Yesterday I was at customer site for 5 hours, trying to get a piece of software I wrote some time ago to support a new capability, by manipulating the database content.  We made progress but the software refused to perform.  Today I'm back at the office, have to figure out what's wrong.  I feel huge resistance to starting on it, because yesterday was so frustrating.  I'm afraid I won't be able to make it work, or worse I won't be able to figure out WHY it won't work.

Scribbler's Thursday

  • get up at 6
  • make bed
  • exercise
  • coffee, paper
  • healthy breakfast
  • checkins


  • Update Quicken
  • Clean off desk
  • Run (?)
  • Send music email
  • File BN post
  • Do 2 CIO


  • Healthy lunch
  • Reply to Planet Profit
  • Send query
  • Rewrite steal
  • Rewrite social
  • Take down Halloween decorations


  • Spelling bee
  • Fun w/Kids
  • Healthy dinner
  • D/O kids at 8:30
  • Work on song rewrites
  • Practice w/PA
  • Read, relax
  • Bed by 10:30

Crazybug CI

Didn't get down to working on tasks until later in the day.  Too much time spent reading news and thinking about politics.

Frittered away the evening and ate too much Halloween candy. ugh.  So fresh start today.  Boss like the new title I created for position and the thought of it makes me feel positive about my role here. 

Have some big deadlines on Monday and won't have time this weekend to work on them so really need to minimize distractions the next two days.

-TM stuff

-fed app

-bcard finalize and send for review

- process card

-cashflow report

Journey 10 am ugh &

Yesterday pretty much sucked.   I had a dr. appt so I didn't get started til noon, had a long conference call at 1:00, and had to fight two fires for my top priority project.   I could have gotten some stuff done between/around those issues but I did not.  I never really got organized and/or focused.  I usually work until about 6 pm on work from home days, but I was so frustrated that I gave up at 5 pm.  I did get some housework done and made tonight's dinner in advance, but then I stayed up too late goofing off and got a late start this morning.   I've got back to back meetings all morning and then I have stuff to prepare for my 3:00 meeting.  

In the past, I would have spent today feeling guilty about wasting yesterday and get farther behind today.  But I will not do that!  I will recover from the bad day and move forward today!   I'm in the first meeting now (conference call), and I should have time to grab a cuppa and start my todo list before the next meeting.  I know I have to attend the meetings this morning, prepare for my 3:00, follow up on the major issue from yesterday.   I should be able to work on  my 2nd priority project for an hour after the meeting. 

UPDATE 12:15 today is a much better day.  The sun is coming out too which helps my mood a lot.  One of the 3 meetings this morning was cancelled, which also helps.  I've done what I can to follow up on the issue from yesterday, which is still stressing me out but right now all I can do is wait.   I'm going to write out my goals and take a short lunch break, then I'll prepare for my 3:00 meeting.



'You become what you think about most of the time.' - Brian Tracy

kromer 10 CI

Scheduled: Friend's presentation 1:15-1:30, bible study 8:30-10:30

*Send card
*Look at 3 slides w/ D and 3 by myself (will do this soon)
*run out gels
*check p., S. notes (will do this soon)
*Work on smf plan: a)ask M. about frozen sections b)place orders for a. stain (very close on this, but need to talk to labmate tomorrow before I place final order) and ask about s. antibody c)start designing const. probes
*Spend 1 hr thinking about potential career options if I decide to leave w/ masters (need to start this in about 30 min)
*Extract DNA

Other tasks:
*Chart out RA expt
*i/e counts
*2 papers, organize other papers (will do this soon)

OK, I'm going to go check p, then I'll come back to pour gels and do S. notes, then I'll go look at slides w/ D. 

My Day Today

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meeting, and my life.

I want to thank findingaway for starting this trend.

Thing I have done

Went to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 8:30 a.m. telephone PA meeting

2. Go to the 9:45 a.m. telephone CLA meeting

3. Go to the 11 a.m. telephone PA meeting

4. Go to the 1 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

5. Prayer and meditation morning and evening

6. Post and send out Al-Anon literature for today

7. Take shower.

8. Make bed

9. Wash dishes

10. Clear couch

11. Clear tables

12. Clear floor

13. Eat brunch

14. Eat dinner

15. Study Business

16. Study Computer

17. Go to the 6:45 p.m. telephone CLA Business meeting.

18. Go to PA Check-in's

Thanks for letting me share.



Rexroth Check In

Felt exhausted and ill late yesterday afternoon, went to bed and feel asleep and on waking this morning at 6.00 felt fine but with little energy.

Up prayer and reflection
Checked emails
Now back in bed

Get up and
Wash up and finish tidying and cleaning rooms
Send letter and cheque to solicitor - I received his bill by email this morning and part of my DA recovery is to pay or question bill as soon as I receive them
Continue with admin work. Nothing is urgent but I want to get it done so I can get on with my life
Bath and wash hair

Regards Rexroth

Rexroth Update

Above and taken mail to next door and reposted mail to person who has left

Rest - reflect on the solicitors bill being the end of a long journey and there is still a little to do
Continue admin work and write up on travel

Regards Rexroth

myy day 4

Good morning :)

- met my billable work quota (||||)
- took care of my home by doing chores (||||)
- took care of me by doing a quick minimum workout (||)

 Writing my todo-list this way seems to work. When I don't make a long list of clearly defined tasks I seem to have less resistance for starting things. I have a todo-list to give me structure but can still choose what I want to do. I can choose the project I want to work on, I can decide what chores to do and I can work out any way I want to. This seems to keep my inner rebel happy.

Crucial to-do list for Thursday

Usually, I don't put time but I need to for tomorrow, as it is crucial.  

1. Get up at 6 am + prep everything for the day (get headphones!) (got up @ 7 am, still not too bad)

2. Go to A about 8 (done)

3. Try to meet with X (by 10 am) & get T & pay for H (done)

4. Try to meet with Y (by 10 am) (done)

5. Fill out paperwork (by 10 am) (not done)

6. Call dr (by 10 am) (not done, did not call my doctor, did not get my medicine, procrastination makes me more sick than I should be)

7. Do HWK (by 2 pm) (done)

8. Get home (by 3pm) (done)

9. Meet with S ( @ 5 pm) (after doing a lot of work got really depressed and decided not to go to any social events tonight, now I am sad I didn't go and feel lonely)

10. Meet with everyone else @ 10 pm (not going to be done)

snuffkys day

do stuff, drink coffee and listen to Vivaldi on endless repeat
eeeeeeekTongue out 
sorry, being flip. Need to get back on to assignment. Will take off time to read book for exam, or at least read Powerpoints and print test. 

Checking in


Today I am going to:

  • continue to work on my report - did 2 hours, should have been a lot more. I really lost it today and am not happy about the time I wasted, mostly surfing the internet. Now I need to do some more this evening before tomorrow, when I will go and work at a client's office. This is not a bad option as I am very visible and have to at least look like I'm working - no really I do intend to work! The downside is possibly being asked if the current project is finished yet . . . it's not and that's my fault.
  • make two health care appointments - made one
  • do necessary home jobs - nearly there. Need to help my son with his resume now - he's procrastinating about getting work - of course I tend to feel bad about this and anxious that my problem has affected him.

Last night I realised that putting off going to bed, and the way it affects the next day, are a big part of my procrastination patterns. Seeing what's going on is at least a start!