Feel aimless and powerless
I want to share few more things about my procrastination and my past. In the past I was an idiot. I used to remain aloof from the practical world, lost in my own world of day dreams where I was the hero. I was James Bond, I was Batman, I was the main character of my favorite show on T.V. and so on......
It was at my first fulltime job, my real experience with the real world. Coming into contact with people 'awakened' me up and I realized that I was far behind where I should have been in my field and at my age.I met a professional consultant of my field and he gave me certain suggestions of how I could brush myself up. But till date those suggestions remain on paper. Everytime I try to work in that direction, it occurs to me that I have lagged behind, that there is a whole new generation out there who are already more capable than me and its too late to do anything now and then I either go and sit before the TV and keep surfing the net pointlessly or drop into my comics.
It's not that there is nothing to do. I have my job. My routine consists of getting up, going to my job, watching TV, surfing net and going to sleep and its been like that for quite some time now. On weekends I do the essential shopping and then its back to the Internet. I am afraid to even think for the future and therefore I never make any future plans. I do make a task list sometimes for routine tasks.
Its not that I have never tried to change this. Sometimes I do get a 'burst' when I try things but this burst lasts a few hours or at most a few days after which I am back to my old ways.
Does anyone here relate to my experience ?