Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

Good morning...

Mama_Cat's picture

Have to throw clothes on and leave for work.

Been in avoidance/panic mode for almost 24 hours now. Sometimes, when I get triggered the right way, my sick thinking latches onto examples of how I haven't measured up, and refuses to let them go.

That sick part of me uses these examples as evidence that action isn't fruitful and is, in fact, a bad idea. That part of me says, "See, you did this - and" (when it doesn't work out) "see what THAT got you! Hunh, see? You should have known better!"

Like, the breakdowns that occur in my life are my fault and if I just hadn't tried to do "that" (whatever "that" was), then things wouldn't have gone badly in the first place and, really now - shouldn't I just know better by NOW?

I don't know if this makes sense to anyone. If I'm actually able to articulate it so that other people can actually understand the experience I'm describing. It's a familiar reaction I'm having, originating from young, childhood experiences where I'd get yelled at for doing something that wasn't appreciated. 

I don't know if what I'm saying is making sense to anyone. I just know that I am really, really hooked. I cannot seem to let this go. I keep circling around the same issue, again and again, like my foot is nailed to the floor. My husband commented on the circular nature of my conversations around it.

Uck.

I need help with this. I'm stuck in the deep maze of my own twisted neuronal pathways and can't seem to find a way to stop the ride. Somebody, shut this thing off. Good L-rd.

Perhaps praying will help.  

Thanks for listening - MC 

****hugs**** You have

****hugs****

You have really good insight into your problems. You may not yet be able to shut off these negative thoughts, but you know they aren't true.  That's a BIG start.

Praying for you <3

Mama_Cat's picture

Thanks, Lucky

I liked what you had to say about relating to things as challenges.

Perception says it all, and can even create the world we live in and move through.

There's actually a saying form the Talmud which goes something like, "We don't see the world as it is. We see it as we are." Something like that.

I love that. :)

Warmly - MC