Starting out today, 12/11/09
Good morning all:
There doesn't quite seem to be a page for what I'm looking to say. Check-ins seem to be more concise than the kind of "rambling" I find useful sometimes. Ah, well - this will do. Any port in a storm.
I have two papers due by Monday. Possibly three. One of them I've done a ton of research for and is largely written. Requires some revision and then sorting through all of my sources to match up the info with the place I first got it. That will take some time.
The other paper I haven't started writing yet - although I've started pulling together some of the info.
Trying to figure out if I should get someone to cover my shift for me today, and maybe Monday. Money-wise I can't really afford it, but the peace of mind it would afford me would be soooooo helpful. Yish.
I'm scared. I read one of the posts on the materials page, and listed were (I think) the 12 promises of PA. And reading them, they sounded so good. A part of me that doesn't often think about those things, about having those things, sort of calmed down, you know? Like when you hear someone recreate what you've said or how you feel in a way that's so right on, so clear and true to your experience, that - well, some part of you takes a deep breath. A sigh of relief. Like, "Wow, yeah. That's it, exactly!"
Reading those promises, I had that experience. That, like, "Yeah, exactly. That's exactly what I want." A relief, in a way, to see those words. Recognize myself in them. Smell the possibility they represent.
I've participated in other 12 step programs - I've never fully committed to one. Or maybe it's better to say I've never fully seen the value of committing to one for myself. But this - the procrastination one. This one I can get. This is one behavior I feel I have very, very little control over. And even less peace around. This one - I can get behind this as a focus for a 12 step program. I can see it's application in my life. Without question.
I'm looking to set up a meeting in the Boston area. I've posted to Craigslist about it, and am thinking of posting to other sites or e-lists. If anyone has any suggestions for the best way to go about garnering interest and potential attendees (I think finding the location will be the easiest part!), please let me know.
Also, I would love a sponsor, if anyone's willing. It could go both ways - co-coaching. Or buddies. Anyway, that's my druthers. Just thought I'd throw it out there.
Wishing all well -
MC
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Interesting - more on starting out today
Hi all -
so here's what I notice. I'm reviewing my paper, trying to figure out what info is solid, and what needs revision.
AND, as I am considering declaring one part sufficient, thinking something like "OK, enough is done there. I've made my point. I can leave it alone now." As I'm thinking this I get scared. Got scared. Why?
This fear, it's young. It's not based on current day reality. It's a fear based on avoiding "getting in trouble." Like, if I actually SAY it, actually assert, "OK, this is good enough," I make myself a target. I'm just asking to be slammed.
So I keep looking for more and more sources for my paper. More and more info. More and more data. To snow them, my reader. To make my assertions vague and un-attackable. Hiding behind others' words. Hiding from being responsible for what I have to say. Avoiding attack.
re:interesting
Yes, many of us suffer from 1)perfectionism 2)fear of failure 3)fear of success. Def sounds like you are on the right track, keep up the good work!
Jo
How you spend your days is how you live your life - Edge
Thanks Jo! MC
Thanks Jo!
MC