Glad I found this site.. prevented me from doing something really stupid due to desperation!
I am procrastinator... and I thought I was alone in the world with so much problems. I just didn't know others migth be as bad as me and of course others who are actively doing something to overcome it.
I must say that I have no idea of where to start. Finding this site tells me I migth find a resource I had never found elsewhere: the companionship of others who suffer from the same illness I have, the pain of seeing your life go pass beside you without being able to grab a bit for yourself.
I have tried several.. maybe too much tools for trying to keep up with all the pending stuff I accumulate everyday. From mindmaps to online lists, to notes, notebooks with simple lists. I have found out the issue is not the tool... it's about finding the energy to move back to whatever the tool is and check the second item on the list (sometimes it's even painful to keep track of the first item).
I wish I had found it yesterday to attend the online meeting. It will be painful to wait until next sunday to attend the next one but ]I surely will.
I must admit I'm still at work, and I have not accomplished a single task today. and it's been like this for weeks. It's becoming increasingly pathologycal.
I'd like to think at this post as my first step: admitting I am a procrastinator, admiting it's consuming all my energy as I constantly think about the thousands of pending things I need to do. Most importantly, facing how it is/has affected my whole life, from the simplest things like not paying the bills on time (until the phone or the electricity or gas is gone) to the most importants aspect in my life, like not getting my university degree, not registering my social service hours (and eventually loosing them and having to do it again) not having my military service papers because i didn't pick'em up in time (and these were incinerated so I have to do military service on weekens wich I have not started) and now being one step from loosing my job (a great one) because I just cannot finish any assigned task on time (and sometimes ever).
I desperately need help... thank God I have found this site... I'll stick to it and I promisse myself and God I will stick to the 12S program and gain control over my life... this is my last chance before I go nuts! I feel like I will have no second chance, not again, I h've had just enough second chances, I cannot rely anymore on people liking me to help me forgive my faults again... thay just cannot keep doing that anymore and I wont look at myself on the mirror without embarrasment until I start changing things and it's really, really noticeable!
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Thanks so much for your heartfelt sharing. It helped me to remember how desperate I felt before I found PA and started using the tools here. As others said, I am still pretty dysfunctional but nothing like the way I was when I got here. For example, I have a tax return due today that I've been procrastinating, and won't likely won't even make it onto my to-do list until sometime next week because of other things that have become urgent.
Fines and late penalties seem like there's not been much change, right? Until you realize that this is a current tax return compared to the 6 years of unfiled tax returns I had accumulated before PA - all of which are long behind me and paid off now. So it does work. I hope you'll keep coming and share with us as we trudge the happy road of daily destiny together as recovering procrastinators.
Welcome! *hugs* Yes, thank
Welcome! *hugs* Yes, thank God you found this site before you did anything stupid!! (Especially if you mean what I think you mean... argh.)
If you want something like an online meeting before next Sun check out the chatbox - really helpful - and yes, come back often.
I can really relate to what you're saying - I've lost a lot of jobs through procrastination, nearly failed my degree and nearly been to court for not paying bills - but I'm still here and seriously, all the crap and failure has been so worth it for the good times and the things I HAVE done.... *hugs* please hang in there!
i remember the blessing i felt when i found this site (and still feel).
i can remember soooo many times in my life where i said, "this is it, it has to stop NOW!"
I hope this doesnt happen to you, but, for me, it never was "it", it never did stop, and it never was that NOW when i finally cured this problem.
This morning, i had trouble getting started. For me the life of recovery is just that--daily recovery. With mis-steps almost every day. If i go two days sticking pretty much to my schedule, that's a lot.
But what has changed for me is the cycle of guilt and procrastination. I would feel so bad about not meeting my this has to stop NOW imperative, that i would then escape for hours or even days.
Now that is rare for me. Now, if it's been 15 min of wasted time, or hours or even, still, occasionally 1-3 days, i'm all about the starting over.
My faith in a higher power is what gives me this gift of starting over, the forgiveness of teh past. I can *say* "today is the first day of the rest of my life" but it wasnt until i surrendered my procrastination to god, to admit that i am an addict, and that i need god's help to cope, that i could actually live that way.
And even now, i dont all the time.
So, just to say that while my life is working better, it is so full of challenges, that i hope you do just make huge strides forward here and dont have to face that. But, if not, please know that many people here are slugging it out day by day, hour by hour, and making real changes in their life for the better.
Once again, welcome. You seem to be on the right track! Come back soon (even daily ;)
the touch of the master's hand: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/1898#comment-27748
"fall down seven times, get up eight" - japanese proverb
Clement, you're awesome!
Clement, you're awesome! I've absolutely had the 'has to stop NOW/aargh it didn't' experience, many times, and I very much hope I can get to where you are now.