I procrastinate so much I don't take responsibility or an active role in my life- glad to find this site

Hello,

I am so glad to find this site.  I used the check in today and actually did somethings.  I am so far under my pile of things that I put off that I keep loosing track and hoping others do, too.  I realize now that I have allowed my procrastination to paralyze me and hi jack my life.  So, my decisons are naturally conducive to procrastination.  I was very late for appointments, graduation, marriage, funerals and weddings for people I love....  I know my actions are interprated as an indication of how I feel for others or about the event, but this is not the case.  I have worked hard to win grants and have been so happy to receive them to complete much needed projects, then procrastinated and wasted time and resources.  My work has implemented rules across the board due to mine (and a few others) chronic lateness...on and on and on...same on pitiful saga of my life.  The only way that I know how to do something or that something needs to be done is if it is an all out crisis, people are yelling, car runs out of gas, uh to sick to move- then I might feel that connection needed to do something about it...  I wish I would just take action and have bought books, gone to counseling and worked hard to get over this habit, but I am realizing that it is a part of me that goes as far back as I can remember. 

But I recently started waking up at night panicking about everything that I need to do.  Up for hours every night but still not doing anything about it-accept feeling gut wrenching dread.  I always feel so great when I get things done.  I hope to continue visiting this site as I have found that I have so much in common and nothing else has helped.  The check in/chat was one of the more helpful things that I have ever done -keeping my fingers crossed to stick w/ it.  (now lets pretend that I hit spell check:)

Thanks for reading and best luck to everyone!