In the depths...
Hi. I'm new and wow, do I need help/support/advice/etc.
I've been a terrible compulsive procrastinator for years, but it is
getting worse with every new project, particularly those that require a
great deal of writing and/or those which I find otherwise
intimidating. I'd thought/hoped I was over it when I started graduate
school but my procrastination is, instead, snowballing to ever greater proportions and destroying
my physical and emotional health along the way. I just turned in my
master's thesis a year late (after threat of a failing grade), and a final paper (only around 10 pages long) three months late. Every assignment is getting turned in weeks or months late. The last minute panic of an unmet deadline doesn't even motivate me anymore!
The current crisis is that I have a report
I needed to write for my summer job (which I was unable to finish
before the end of the job three weeks ago) which lays in front of me,
utterly untouched. I have destroyed more than 2 weeks of
vacation--time with my family, and time just to relax--staring at the
unstarted project. During this time I've pulled 8 (yes eight)
all-nighters in which I did zero work.
I've emailed my former job nearly daily (they REALLY need this ASAP)
and apologized in every way I can for my delay, but I know it is
entirely inexcusable. To top it all off, my summer job had discussed
hiring me after graduation--an opportunity which I know think I've
The sleep deprivation, panic and self-loathing makes me feel like I'm
going crazy. My family is shocked by the extent of my procrastination,
more than anything, and profoundly disappointed that I'm not spending
any time with them during my entire vacation, but I'm also not doing my
work. I can't make myself just write it, I'm so sleep deprived I'm
seeing triple, and I'm starting to seriously worry about my health
(caffeine/sleep deprivation/no exercise/etc)
Please help! What do I do about this report I still haven't written?
I promised it to them last weekend, and the weekend before that, then
yesterday I said I would send them whatever I had by the end of the day
(which I didn't do because I'd written only slightly more than
nothing)...I've still hardly begun and need at least 12-15 hours to
finish. I just feel hopeless