Frustrated - and more than a bit depressed....
Just heard the clock in the dining room go off and looked down - it's slightly after 1 AM.
I had at least 4-5 things that are red-letter, triple starred, exclamation points for half the page that HAD to be finished yesterday (Thurs). They have been on my list for days/weeks/ the job-hunting one for years. I'm not kidding or being sarcastic or a drama queen.
Again I've worked almost all day on one of them, and it's nowhere near done. I worked on another for about 2 hours, and managed to just set up the spreadsheet.
This is how my life goes. This is what makes procrastination much worse for me. I am so sick of it. I can't spend my entire day on mainly 2 projects. I know that staying up this late continuously not only tires me out, but makes me sick as well.
The other night I kept falling asleep before bedtime; I finally just had to give up and go to bed. That's what I'm about to do now.
My dream is to be in bed at a decent time each night, except Fridays, so I can be up at 5:30-6 the next morning. I've been working on that for months, and haven't made a night yet.
Everything I've read says to cut down/back/simplify - well, bless Bess, that's what I've been doing. That was the main focus of my day, for the last few days. I even skimmed an ADD book, since I heard to check for ADD if doing something faster doesn't help, and/or makes the job worse. The book said to cut down/back as well.
Something has got to change here - I can't work full time and deal with this junk too.
I don't seem to know what to do to change it, to make myself quicker. I'm embarrassed, frustrated, and feeling bad about it, and angry at myself. I lose opportunities because I'm so slow. I have likely been booted out of an online class that I lobbied to be allowed to stay in after missing a week and a half at the beginning.
I don't like feeling stupid and slow. I feel pretty useless right now. I think I'm just going to quit and go to bed.
(It took me 30 minutes to write this, for Pete's sake!)