My wake up call
I decided to join this forum today as today I truly felt despair for the first time. I have quite a large number of things I would deem problematic. I think they are related to my procrastination, although I'm really not sure:
Feeling a great void within (wasn't sure how to explain this)
Over-sleeping (11-12 hours a day, if I get up earlier I feel so tired)
Daydreamer (spend hours just using my imagination to think of weird and wonderful stories)
Turn up late for pretty much everything no matter how important
Procrastinate on everything (instead of learning German for my German exam, I'll learn French instead?! Basically do the same thing, yet in a procrastinating way! Crazy!)
Way too addicted to the Internet
Lack of social interaction skills (prefer to be alone, although I long for strong friendships. Illogical I know!)
Haven't done exercise in 4 years (used to be very sporty so this is odd)
Often lie about trivial things ("This coat cost me 25 pounds!" - "So why does the tag say 35?")
Why I despaired today - For the past 2 years my procrastination has been getting really bad, I've been failing and not handing work in. In fact I have literally done no studying for my degree at all for the past two years! I have spent loads of time and money just sitting on my own in my room doing nothing more than staring into space and looking at videos on YouTube!!! Today I found out that if I were to have handed my work in on time my university semester average would have been a 1, but I didn't so my average is 2:2. (I handed my work in 10 minutes late - I couldn't motivate myself to get there any sooner!) This means I will most probably not be able to get the job I wanted (or any decent graduate job for that matter.) I have basically destroyed my own life! Not only that, but I am now 12,000 pounds in debt (course fees) for nothing. I don't see much hope for the future, because unless I can get this procrastination under control it will just keep resurfacing and ruining everything I do! I’m not sure how to proceed, would it be advisable to go to the doctor’s or are there other things to do?
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Welcome to this site. You will find many folks who struggle with procrastination and its effects in their lives here. I agree that a visit to the doctor would be wise, as you may have depression and possibly ADD, which leads to procrastination. Medicine can help both of those issues, so you should explore that avenue. It has helped me to do so. Best of luck to you. You have taken a huge first step in admitting your problem and seeking help!
Wow, holahola, so many of the things you listed above I could have listed. It doesn't matter that that was me 15 years ago, I still feel each thing so vividly, the hurt and helplessness and numbness. I was depressed - fully and completely. I think you may be as well...the best thing is to see your doctor. They can suggest options and avenues you can take...and you will feel better, just for having taken action.
Me personally, I think I had self esteem issues developed in childhood that led to low confidence, procrastination, no social skills, paranoia, depression, high anxiety. I used marijuana, that aided and abetted all the above. I look back...what lifted me out? and I think it was talking...which, believe me, it was so hard to open up, to drop down the wall, in fear that someone would ridicule me, use me, ....those feelings also are incredibly vivid.... but simply talking to another human being, I slowly, so slowly with many backwards steps, developed higher self esteem levels. That lead to work that made me feel good, that I did well.
It has taken years to build to this point, it will NOT take years to reach solid ground again...you have taken your first steps there...
You must realize, you have accomplished so much for yourself by just reaching out!! This is a wonderful site, it would have been so nice to have had this site so many years ago. The people here, this fellowship, are so supportive and non-judgemental. Be yourself, write what you are feeling and list what you would like to get done that day...and keep checking in :)
I do hope my revelations help, even just a little bit. I look forward to seeing your name again!
You are not alone. The past is past and can't be changed, but we can change the future! Keep posting!
"It is never too late to be what you might have been."
- George Eliot