Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
The Plot
If there is one, it feels like I've lost it.
:(
Really stuck. Can't seem to convince myself to move. Work, leave work, get a taxi, visualise, break tasks down, start, meditate, use a timer, pray.
Eh, I'll be going to the doctors on Friday.
Dammit. I just found out that there's a 10 day, mostly-silent meditation course available in a couple of weeks, which really might help either give me a break, or let me sort some shit out, but - I went to the doctor last week and just started anti-depressants.
And the meditation course has a rather sensible 2 month standdown period if you've started or stopped medications.
If only I'd read about the meditation course first, doing it the other way round may have worked better. It doesn't feel like this approach is going to show results any time soon.
I feel like I've been coming across a lot of good tools in the last few months... I just feel like I'm waiting for a point where I can actually use them. Spring is around the corner at least. Maybe I really do just have to wait it out, but, how on earth to keep things rolling along in the meantime?
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The plot thickens
Hi Grail,
Chiming in late on this, but just wanted to add my good wishes.
That totally stuck feeling sucks, doesn't it? Sounds like you are doing the right things -- medication to ease the depression, and breaking things down to however small a step you need to in order to function.
There's nothing lame about doing that. If you were going through physical therapy for an injury, you wouldn't think there was anything wrong with you for needing to do things very slowly for a while. Depression is less visible, but just as real and debilitating, and you deserve to give yourself a pat on the back for tackling tasks in any way you can.
Hang in there! Spring will come!
Falcon
Thanks Falcon
Thank you for your support.
It doesn't really feel like an injury though. Like you say, I can't see it.
I feel like if I was super-productive normally, I would have noticed sooner, but, I tend to procrastinate anyway. I just realised that this has been getting way past my 'normal', despite my efforts, for no apparent reason. :P
I guess it's just... really hard to tell what's me, and what might be depression. But of course, it's all me.
So I still need to change.
Searching for the 'Plot'
Thanks guys.
A new day, a better day (hopefully?!?).
I've been getting to points where I just freeze up nearly completely. Avoiding anything that'll even get me *started* on the right track. Sounds simpler than it is, but I just need to not get to that point.
3rd stepping, centering, throughout the day before I *get* stuck.
And Recycler, I was listening to Enya this morning, does that count? No really, thanks, both to you and Clement. ;)
Super-lame, but my plan for the day is to use Instant Boss http://www.appsapps.info/instantboss.php for 4 minutes on, 4 minutes off. Because 4 minutes is better than no minutes.
Once I've got the hang of that, I'm allowed to increase it by a minute.
4 min > 0 min
that's right! 4 min is more than 0 min. That's it. Progress not perfection.
I am there routinely. That's related to the whole microburst idea. Not "i'm going to work" but "i'm going to open the lid of my laptop. Then stop, and see where i am."
Go Grail!
thanks for Instant Boss link :)
Hi Grail!
Thanks for the Instant Boss link. I was wondering how to find it :) Sounds like you've got a plan! :)
Talk to you later! :)
Recycler
Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)
hugs to Grail :)
Hi Grail!
Hugs! I know our Spring seems slow to come, too, when we are several weeks or more out, so hang in there!
Quickie meditation starter: if you have or can obtain a "spa" music CD, put it on while you prop back on your recliner, easy chair or sofa with the lights dimmed. If you need to find a spa CD to purchase, on Amazon.com you can listen to samples of Dean Evenson and others :)
Let us know how things go! XOXO
Recycler
Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)
meditate to soft music
you may think i'm weird, but what you just described would put me right to sleep! I'm chronically sleep deprived because i'm always behind schedule. Wonder why that is...
I actually meditate standing up, slightly leaning against the wall. Otherwise, i fall asleep.
Crazy, huh?
encouraging grail
your situation sounds so much like mine. Lots of answers. Lots of tools. Even some understanding. But still not taking the step to use the tools!
for me the answer has been step 3. Death to what has been holding me back--which is...me. Death to me. In fact i had to kill myself again today in a small way (dont want to be *too* dramatic here) to overcome resistance toward a task.
Death to me. I find that when i die to self, in the presence of God, his love, hope, strength and power fill the void that's left over. And what's left is me, but me in a new, better way. Like looking at a postcard vs. seeing the sceen yourself live.
I dont know how/if any of that relates to your experience. I hope something i say will somehow encourage you.
But regardless, i hope and pray you find the strength to take that next step and start doing.
Take care, grail.