Procrastinating at work
Just thinking out loud a bit. . .
I've been procrastinating a lot at work. I do it by reading blogs in my field -- which is fine to spend a little time on, but I spend a lot of time doing it, as a way to avoid working.
The problem isn't really a professional one -- I've always been prone to procrastination, yet I've always been successful in my career despite that. I'm good at what I do, and I tend to be conscientious about commitments to other people (more so than about commitments to myself) so that I do tend to get the stuff done that really has to be done.
But still, I'm wasting a chunk of the day. And oddly enough, while it isn't a professional performance problem, it is a spiritual one. When I procrastinate, I'm resisting using my talents, my abilities, refusing to give what I have to give.
Just as in other areas of my life, when I procrastinate at work I am acting from "false strength" -- the ability to shut down and resist the flow of energy that comes from acting on the things I care about in an attempt to protect myself from discomfort. It doesn't work, anyway, since the consequence is that I feel tense & unhappy and in conflict with myself. True strength comes from expressing my real abilities, giving back to the world by acting from who I really am -- my real integrity, values, talents, etc. And at work that means applying myself to doing my work as well as possible.
Time to work on this one. First step: get a handle on what I'm really doing, when I'm acting from false strength and when I'm acting on what I really care about. I've made myself a time chart that I can take to work, a very simple one to just check off every 20 minutes whether I'm engaged in my work or resisting it. I'm going over to zenhabits next, to commit on the habits forum to keeping the chart every work day for the next month.
I think I'd rather not know just how much time I'm wasting. But the only way to solve a problem is to know what the problem actually is. And I do want to solve this -- not for my career, but for myself.