I'm not sure that I can define the spiral I'm stuck in right now. The word that most suits my state is 'avoidance'. I know that my actions fall under the heading of resistance. And the resulting action becomes procrastination. And yet, knowing the state I'm in doesn't cause a change in action. My fear overrides my intelligence and I'm left in the vacuum I've been in for years when it comes to moving outward into the money-earning world.
I have great ideas, talents, skills, and knowledge, but I lack the emotional fortitude to move beyond the boundaries of my family. Having been truly agoraphobic in my 20s, I know I've come a great distance. (Thanks to 12 step programs.) But I've hit this boundary so many times without moving far enough beyond it to consider myself successful. I may be the only person who dies saying, "I wish I had earned more money." The pressure to earn money doesn't come from outside myself. My husband is fine being the bread winner. Although there are definitely societal standards that lurk on every corner, the majority of the problem arises within me, my own mind.
I've tried using the daily check-in forum, but it doesn't create anything but more guilt. It doesn't motivate me to reach beyond the barrier. If any of you have more suggestions, let me know!