I'm not sure that I can define the spiral I'm stuck in right now. The word that most suits my state is 'avoidance'. I know that my actions fall under the heading of resistance. And the resulting action becomes procrastination. And yet, knowing the state I'm in doesn't cause a change in action. My fear overrides my intelligence and I'm left in the vacuum I've been in for years when it comes to moving outward into the money-earning world.
I have great ideas, talents, skills, and knowledge, but I lack the emotional fortitude to move beyond the boundaries of my family. Having been truly agoraphobic in my 20s, I know I've come a great distance. (Thanks to 12 step programs.) But I've hit this boundary so many times without moving far enough beyond it to consider myself successful. I may be the only person who dies saying, "I wish I had earned more money." The pressure to earn money doesn't come from outside myself. My husband is fine being the bread winner. Although there are definitely societal standards that lurk on every corner, the majority of the problem arises within me, my own mind.
I've tried using the daily check-in forum, but it doesn't create anything but more guilt. It doesn't motivate me to reach beyond the barrier. If any of you have more suggestions, let me know!
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Karen, can you break down one of your dreams into mini-steps? Envision yourself doing something you love. Journal about it, share about it in chat or on a thread.
I find that my natural tendency is to think pessimistically about my abilities to carry through on things, because I have failed so many times. I am consciously trying to turn my language around so that the things that would ordinarily be focused on (the things I have not done yet) are not my focus: instead I try to see what I have accomplished. This mind shift has, if nothing else, felt better. It has also enabled me to make progress on things that scared the living daylights out of me.
I hope to see you in the chatroom!
Hey, Karen, I'm totally impressed that you home school those teenagers day in and day out. If you can do that, I'm sure you can accomplish whatever you desire :)
“The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” - Stephen Covey