Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
Hello everyone new to the forum / My Story.
Hello everyone, I'm 19, my name's James and I'm a chronic procrastinator. :blush:
Ever since I could remember, I've always been procrastinating. It's getting to the point where it's so bad, I'm failing in college and I just feel like I'm going no where in life. I really don't know what to do anymore. I keep telling myself, "Hey your going to do better next time", "I'll do it tomorrow, I swear", "I'm going to change and get serious this", etc, but it never happens. I continue to wait until the last minute to get anything done, whether it be my college assignments, turning in a job application, meeting my friends, and doing things asked by my parents. I'm so sick of procrastinating but I can't stop. Many of my friends will say, "dude your just being a lazy ass, quit *ucking around." I wish it were that easy but I CAN'T. I'm always finding ways to avoid my college assignments and various task needed to be done during the day, because just thinking about them gives me a little anxiety, so I find ways to avoid them by either surfing on the internet or cleaning/organizing things. It's funny, because I have ALL the time in the world to get any of these things accomplish, however I'm such an idiot, I'd rather spent countless of hours on my computer or daydreaming.
Music is probably the closet thing that I have passion for and even I can't even spend the time making it. My dream is to become a great musician/producer. However, I find myself daydreaming about it rather than doing it. I've spent nearly a thousand dollars on equipment, I figured, Hey, maybe if I buy these expensive thing's it'll force me to use them. But it doesn't, I have this equipment laying around, and again, I keep saying, "i'll get to it", "ill start using it" BUT I ALWAYS try and find excuses such as, "I don't have enough equipment!, once I get this piece, then I'll start to do it." My friend tells me,"why buy all this equipment if your not going to use it?"... I know what yall are thinking, maybe he's right, maybe music isn't quite your thing.. but I DO LOVE MUSIC, I WANT TO BECOME A MUSICIAN AND PRODUCER. I find myself giving up to easily when trying to compose a piece, I AM a perfectionist when it comes to certain things, however, If it doesn't turn out right the first time, I'll give up and say, "I'll finish it tomorrow or some other time." This applies to anything that I do as well, if I feel like i can't get it done RIGHT the first time, then I won't attempt to do it at all, I'll push it aside thinking maybe I'll do a better job later.
Daydreaming has become a major problem for me. Of coarse, everyone daydreams, but I find myself daydreaming excessively and maybe too much. It's my way of escaping reality and helps me to deal with my problems. While it does motivate me, it also consumes most of my time needed to accomplish things. For example, I have a paper due the next day but I'll spend a good hour sitting there daydreaming of me finishing my paper! I'll be happy for a moment but then realize that I haven't typed a single thing on my paper. The same goes for anything in my life, I'll daydream about getting things accomplish, what i'll become, what i'll do but I never do it.
My computer also contributes to my time wasting. I've come to realize that I AM and computer addict. I will spending nearly every chance I get on the computer. Surfing the internet, watching porn, and searching for music. I can't get off this thing. It really didn't hit me until my mother asked, " Are you always on your computer, when are you getting off that thing?" I get angry but realize that I've probably sat down on the computer for 6 hours...
Anyways, I'm sick of this. I'm sick of procrastinating. It's true, "Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried." I feel like i've missed out so much during my life time because of it, I could have became this, I've could done that. But what am I now? lol I really am the definition of a loser, I have nothing and have done NOTHING. While everyone around me seems to be going some where in life... I feel like I'll never get anywhere. My parents that I love to death, have worked so hard, to give me everything. They've always tried to give me the best of everything, putting me in a private school, buying me anything that I ever needed with only the hope and expectation that I do well in school. And I can't even give them that.... I feel like a horrible son, even after realizing what all they've given me, I can't even do the one thing they ask.
So I'm here right now, desperately asking/seeking for help. I can't do this alone anymore... I've actually started to pick up smoking and drinking to help cope with my depression and anxiety.
Thank You, in advance for the ones who are taking the time to read this. I would also like to apologize for my poor grammar and lack of vocabulary that could have helped yall understand what I was trying to express clearer. I have very poor writing skills.
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James - perfectionism
James, as others have said, we all can relate to your story here. One thing that strikes me is how lucky you are that you know what's underneath the procrastination - fear of failure. For many people this aspect of it is mysterious. When you know what's getting in your way, you can start to take steps to fix it. You said many things that point to perfectionism getting in your way:
> I AM a perfectionist when it comes to certain things, however, If it doesn't turn out right the first time, I'll give up and say, "I'll finish it tomorrow or some other time." This applies to anything that I do as well, if I feel like i can't get it done RIGHT the first time, then I won't attempt to do it at all, I'll push it aside thinking maybe I'll do a better job later.
> My parents that I love to death, have worked so hard, to give me everything. They've always tried to give me the best of everything, putting me in a private school, buying me anything that I ever needed with only the hope and expectation that I do well in school.
Maybe it's your parents' high expectations that are getting in your way. I think Elisaveth is probably right that demand resistance also plays a part for you. There's lots to read about this on the site.
How old are you? Are you still living with your parents? Are you in school? Do you have a job?
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Procrastination is the grave in which opportunity is buried.
Thank you for the response
Thank you for the response Pro, I'm 19, still living with my parents, and going to school. As for a job,"I'm working on it", as I'd like to say a lot when really I'm procrastinating on that as well =/...
jha
First, let me know, your writing makes sense, and even if it did not, you are in a place where it is okay to make mistakes: no one will judge you here.
Second, being undecided is a GREAT thing! Why would you expect to know what it is you want to do with your life! I was exactly in your shoes some... 30 years ago, and it turned out to be a wonderful thing. I chose to leave school because I did not know what to major in, and worked for a while. Work is a wonderful thing: it positively reinforces you with this great stuff: money! If they keep giving it to you, you know that you are doing okay! It also gives you something else: experience. Experience is what you have when you make mistakes and learn from them: something that I am still afraid to do most days.
Let me let you in on a secret that took me a long time to discover: there is no time schedule that you must follow to win at life. People chose variant ways to go through it. You may not know now what to major in, but you will find out with choices you make along the way. You can choose one thing and then unchoose it: nothing is permanent. I was so afraid to choose a major at your age that I was paralyzed by fear. I left school, took a variety of courses while working, aced each one, returned to school as a working parent, graduated summa cum laude, and am working in a totally different field than what I had envisioned when I went back to school. All of my choices, good or bad, are part of what make me an insightful employee.
Have fun with college, if you can. If you can't, consider taking a leave of absence for a year or two. You may find not wasting your parents resources while you find out what you want to do with your life takes a huge load off your back. I withdrew from college Thanksgiving Day weekend, with a lousy cumulative average. I think it was the smartest thing I did that year!
keep in mind, this is only my experience. But I hope that with enough time here you can begin to consider that you may be just where you are supposed to be: figuring out what you want to do with your life.
jha listen to elizaveth
Jha,
I won an athletic scholarship to college when I was your age back around 300 years ago (lol) :) but seriously, because of it, I did not value the experience the way I should have. My procrastination goes back as far as yours does, so I understand when elizaveth says if you feel it is right, to take a leave of absence. I'm not trying to play with your future, but life is one of the greatest teachers we have. Our wise and loving Creator, gave us a lot of mentors, and time is one of them. I just began studying again at 50. I love it now, and value it even more. Remember, that time is God's way of keeping everything from happening at once!! You are valued and respected.
douglas
ditto on Listen to E
Jha.
"there is no time schedule that you must follow to win at life" -- good stuff right there!
Things seem so much more black and white when you're younger. Decisions seem to need to be done as a lifetime commitment, rather than an experiment.
My parents labeled me as a quitter because I couldn't seem to find my way as a young person. It wasn't an accurate assessment. Being a student means being allowed the time to learn. Learning involves the process of making mistakes! Otherwise, why would we need to learn it?
We remain students throughout of life, whether we're in college or working, or being a homemaker. If you choose not to be in college right now, it doesn't mean you can't go back later. I'm a college student right now, too, at 54 yo. I get all A's now!!!
You're valuable and lovable just because you're alive!
Peace,
Karen
Welcome James
You're in good company here -- at least, speaking for myself, with me!
Checking in here does help me. (Check out the "bookending" section under forums).
And now, having procrastinated for several hours, I commit here to at least picking up a book and reading something for my dissertation BEFORE my therapy appointment.
Blessings,
N
jha
You have just been a life changer. You have taken a step that very few make. the people I have met on this site are people just like you. We share the common malady. The great thing is that you are going to change. It is now happening. Be encouraged and take daily steps to move from idleness to proactivity.
You can do it. We're with you!!!!!
douglas
welcome
Congratulations, you have taken the first step towards recovery. You are in the right place: your story resonates with me and echoes many others written here. There are a lot of differnt tools to help you here, including articles and things mentioned in the daily checkins of other people in this fellowship. I suggest that you take a look at those which speak of demand resistance and perfectionism, both of which I have in spades. Nothing breads success like success, and even the smallest success should be celebrated. Keep coming back, keep sharing, continue being honest about your situation, and read the other posts. You have already moved from inertia to action.
I want to thank everyone for
I want to thank everyone for the warm welcome and encouragement. Yall have no idea how much it means to me. To be able to find a group of a people with similar issues, I no longer feel alone in this anymore. With the help of this site and everyone, I hope I can end this addiction. I'll also do my best to contribute and help with whatever I can. Again, thanks everyone.
Right Place
You definitely have found a good group of people.
I can relate to your situation, but not your age! Glad you've begun to look at this now.
I'm 54, but I can well remember the lost feelings I had at your age. I still have plenty of work to do, though!
Slow and easy wins the race!
Peace,
Karen