Realization: I am actually allowed to be happy
My Higher Power just helped me realize now that I need to allow myself to do fun, positive things for myself, despite the very challenging circumstances I'm dealing with right now. Like I said in the chatbox, if I don't find some joy every day, then what am I going through all the rest for? There has to be something to look forward to!
Here's a list to start of things I can do for myself to have fun, since after all tomorrow is a holiday and I haven't done anything fun. But it's okay, I'm learning.
- Go to the beach and write in my journal
- Go the mall and window-shop
- Drive to a local scenic hotel and sit in the lobby
- Look up events in the local newspaper calendar I could check out
- Go to a coffee house and
even if I can't afford a latte, maybe I could get a small treat for a buck?GOT MYSELF A LATTE!
- Read one of my romance novels READ SOME OF IT LAST NIGHT!
- Go to a nature/culture site I haven't been to yet
- Walk around downtown and window-shop
- Take a bubble bath!!!!!
If the worst happens, and I get evicted or my phone gets cut off or my internet gets cut off, I will trust that God will get me through it. It doesn't mean I have to stop living or doing small things to make me feel good. I am allowed to do nice things for myself. Life does not have to be all about fixing myself or pressuring myself or serious matters all the time.
Thank you, God, for helping me realize this tonight. I attribute it to starting to work a program.
p.s. I remember when I went to a therapist last year, she told me that often what works is to do a "running up" period where you purposely allow yourself to do only fun things that make you feel good, with no pressure to do the dreaded tasks, and that by forcing yourself to do only what is comfortable and enjoyable first, the desire to WANT to do the task will come out of it naturally -- so it's not a have to but a want to. It's almost like reverse psychology (demand resistance) -- the more you pressure the less you do. So purposely force the opposite, which is the good stuff you like, guilt free. 8-)