Tuesday, 16th April 2013

- impl q. fix
- clean office
- impl. folder exp. fix
- sh/sh
- review open issues
- close out one more small bug item
- meditate
- practice guitar

Abstinence from unplanned time.

• The one thing, the only thing, i can do impulsively is write something on my todo list.
• The one thing, the only thing, i can do off plan is recovery, something to maintain my sobriety, when tempted. I have come to believe that it is more important to maintain sobriety than to get things done.

Abstinence from relying on self.

We reviewed our fears thoroughly. We put them on paper, even though we had no resentment in connection with them. We asked ourselves why we had them. Wasn't it because self-reliance failed us? Self-reliance was good as far as it went, but it didn't go far enough. Some of us once had great self-confidence, but it didn't fully solve the fear problem, or any other. When it made us cocky, it was worse.

Perhaps there is a better way - we think so. For we are now on a different basis; the basis of trusting and relying upon God. We trust infinite God rather than our finite selves. We are in the world to play the role He assigns. Just to the extent that we do as we think He would have us, and humbly rely on Him, does He enable us to match calamity with serenity.

We never apologize to anyone for depending upon our Creator. We can laugh at those who think spirituality the way of weakness. Paradoxically, it is the way of strength. The verdict of the ages is that faith means courage. All men of faith have courage. They trust their God. We never apologize for God. Instead we let Him demonstrate, through us, what He can do. We ask Him to remove our fear and direct our attention to what He would have us be. At once, we commence to outgrow fear. p68 AA Big Book. http://anonpress.org/bb/Page_68.htm

(too long. put this in my bookmarks instead, but do only in a designated break. until then, tolerate imperfection)

1:15pm
It's been 0days 12hrs 02min since i last got distracted.
It's been 0days 12hrs 02min since i last went on an off-plan bender >15min (56min, before that 15hrs abstinence)
It's been 1days 17hrs 21min since i last went on an off-plan bender >1hr (3hrs, before that 2days abstinence)
It's been 2days 05hrs 49min since i last went on an off-plan bender >2hrs (3hrs, before that 8days abstinence).
It's been 18days 00hrs 51min since i last went on an off-plan bender >3hrs (6hrs).
It's been 157 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1day
It's been ~201 days since i last went on an off-plan bender >1week
It's been 2days 19hrs 55min since i last relied on self. (14 days before that)

:) ci
:) start Instant Boss
:) v task
:) sched
:) quiet time
:) r task
:) s task
:) t task
:) 11am pa phone mtg
:) 240 orthd 310 dr 240 rdy tth
:) sort tasks
:) j task
prj task
:) pud disk - prbl w deliver
:) file unemp (47 extra min cuz of something unexpected)
pud norton
pud fan
jd hp nb install hw
:) ka wrk - rtn kb trk
ka wrk - sym
ka wrk - email re: pdf write
kuf wrk - recontact
:) ebands - tue
p wrk
client ku sat?
later: g wrk
later: ht task
put away clothes
did next day: reflection
did next day: pre-plan tmrw

10:17 my night sux: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/4817#comment-61557
21:25:22 ‹clement› it's a sobriety first time for me. all my past accomplishments seem to be mocking me
22:13:17 ‹clement› i just read "touch of the master's hand" http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/4363
22:13:25 ‹clement› that helped me tonight
22:14:08 ‹clement› Because i am the old, worthless violin
22:15:38 ‹clement› But i am convinced that the Master can play a melody, pure and sweet, on me, after wiping off my dust and tightening up my strings
22:16:01 ‹clement› So how does that melody begin tonight?

i am reminded of a bible verse: "For I delight in the law of God in my inner being. But I see a different law in my members waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that is in my members" - Romans 7:22-23

UPDATE: 10:36pm: quoting from "15 points for a self-oholic to consider when confronted with the urge to rely on self and not God" (translated from Alcohol by me)

3. Expect as being normal, that for a time, perhaps a long time, you will recurringly experience:
a. The nagging craving to rely on yourself, expressed as:
i. motivation-crushing guilt
ii. fear
...

10:39pm : i am recovered enuf that i can go on with my task list. Unhappily, but i can do it.

THINGS I COULD HAVE DONE BETTER

not let the one failure balloon in my mind in the first place.
Had more discipline and left on time--with plenty of time.
Gone to bed earlier.

THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR (everything i "did well" comes from god, either thru gifts he's given me or the way he's transformed me)

recovering from failure that was extremely close to derailing me, perhaps for days. God rly came thru, in the moment, and with previous training having a good effect.
Still helped my wife with the blinds, even after my failure.
Still did 2 imp MIT work tasks.

Only an hour that isn't taken up with meetings today, and a mass of bits of work to sort out.  I'll start iwth the most important

• ring lab
• ring pmeds info (awaiting call back) 
• ring J
• find JH notes
• ring LD team re JH and CK
• ring JH's mother
• e-mail Jo re clinic
• email TM
• log actions from today
• finish today's dictation

H.

Love the starter, Mole :) Thanks for putting it up,.

X call mil morning
X call mil after work
- call t after work
X take horm pills
X clean living room
X clean bathroom
- pay rent + water bill
- create grocery list
X buy groceries
- balance budget
- bh:ap
X tidy bedroom
- buy sis gift
X take mom laundy, bag and wares
X put up curtains (wooooohoooo!!!! Finally! :D)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action - Walter Anderson

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.

I want to thank Mole for starting this trend

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 5:45 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

2. Go to the 6:45 a.m. telephone OA meeting

3. Go to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

4. Take shower

5. Eat breakfast

6. Go to the 8:30 a.m. telephone PA meeting

7. Go to the 9 a.m. telephone ACA meeting

8. Go to the 9:45 a.m. telephone CLA activity line

9. Get dressed

10. Go to the school bookstore and get my cap and gown

11. Go to the vocational group at 11 a.m.

12. Go to the 1 p.m. telephone CLA activity line

13. Cook and eat lunch

14. Go to the 3 p.m. telephone DA meeting

15. Warm up and eat dinner

16. Type the answers to the questions for the ACA meeting

17. Go to the 6 p.m. telephone OA meeting

18. Go to the 8:30 p.m. telephone ACA meeting

19. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting

Thanks for letting me share