Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
Unable to commit
I've been having some real trouble implementing anti-procrastination tools into my life. Perhaps I haven't been using the site correctly. Inevitably, whenever I "fall off the wagon" I come here to post in my sorrowful state. After having beat myself up for not getting anything done, I write of my trevails yet the behavior that lead to my missteps to recovery continue.
Last week was a particularly unsuccessful since my boss was out of the office and there was an air of sluffing off all through the office, a cue I was more than willing to join in. But now, the boss is back, and I have reports that need to have been completed that I did practically nothing on while he was away. The backlash will not be good. The real issue here though is not the backlash from my having not completed what I needed to but rather how to really commit to not procrastinating and begin my recovery. It seems to me that thus far I have avoided implementing tools because deep down inside, I know that I actually enjoy procrastinating. Well, I am an addict and so there must be an inherent "pleasure" with procrastinating.
I feel like my problem is seemingly unnsolvable. I continue to struggle with this issue for at least a decade if not more. I am sick of constantly feeling miserable about myself becuase of my procrastination. It is literally the bane of my existence.
I really feel it might help to talk to someone online or over the phone even. I'm obviously feeling pretty down this morning. After this post I need to get to work. I pray to god that I will have the strength to stay committed. I'm not sure how much more struggle I can take.
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Thanks All
Hi Everyone,
This is the first time I've visited this site when I wasn't at work but I like it still nonetheless:) When I posted this morning, I was coming off my very unproductive week.(Binging is very appropriate term to apply there). I hadn't gotten anything done but I knew what the problem was - Web surfing. I am really bad at this...I can spend literally hours upon end doing particularly nothing online...So I made a decision.
I turned off my wireless signal from my laptop and worked offline for as long as I possibly could. Since, I often have to fact check for my work I couldn't possibly conceive of working offline for more than a few hours. Well, it wasn't easy but I made it all the way to 5p without going online!!
I had written a few solid pages and felt great about it. I thanked God throughout the day for giving me strength not to turn on my wireless signal. I also credit PA for providing a community where I can share my struggles with people who understand the severity of them.
Many thanks to everyone for the kind words after my somber post this morning. They all mean a lot to me. I will see you tomorrow!!!
dizzle progress
fwiw, your actions tonight sound to me very similar to the first actions of many people here that are making significant progress in their recovery.
I think that's a very good sign.
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the touch of the master's hand: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/1898#comment-27748
"fall down seven times, get up eight" - japanese proverb
praying4 dizzle
Hi Dizzle,
I agree very much with what journey and clement have said and I think everyone here can easily say we know how you feel. It is hard and a struggle, but I found that sharing the struggle, even on the hardest days, is easier than where I was before...
Try using the daily CI and chat to talk through things and as clement said so well, we all have to learn to give ourselves a break. For me, I enjoy procrastinating or avoiding things for several reasons, mainly fear of facing the issue I need to face and the fact that I am so hard on myself that I make it hard to face many issues - perfectionism and not feeling good enough. So, its easier to avoid it and do something that feels good or as I do more now, something that feels like nothing.
You asked for God to give you strength and He will! I am praying for you as I pray for myself. In addition to this site and the tools here, what works for me - though I still have hard days - is praying, reading the Word focusing on topics I need help with like strength - and music. Music really is my main source of help to get moving and get my eyes off of myself. Praying you find what works for you.
Start with coming here everyday, good and bad, we are all here for you, it is a problem, but it is not unsolvable!
2 Cor. 12:9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
something that feels like nothing
I'm curious to know what "something that feels like nothing is", that you refer to in your last sentence, second para..
On another note, I find that this Procrastination crisis is bringing me closer to God. I know that sounds desperate but it's been a long time since I went to church, but today I found myself praying throughout the day. I don't want to attribute all of my success today to it, but I did find that I was able to garner strength from it. Given my long absence from my Faith, I am slow to accept God again. One thing is for sure though, I'll be praying again tomorrow!!!
nothing - explained better
Hi dizzle,
So glad you are using the site and feeling encouraged to renew your faith and hope. Today was a really hard day for me, but my faith is what makes it possible for me to start again. Some days I pray scriptures and feel really strong in the Word, other days I pray childlike "please help me through this prayers" - they all work and bring me strength! He doesn't care how we come or how long it has been since we last came!
Sorry for not being clear in what I wrote before - something that feels like nothing was just me saying to do something mindless or mind numbing I guess - like tv or internet or anything really that takes focus off of my feelings. So a way to not feel, or feel nothing if that makes sense!
Praying you have another good day tomorrow and keep coming back and overcoming as we do the same!
Ag retakes "baby Steps"
Lately I've felt unconnected from my PA recovery, so thanks for this thread that helps bring it all back fresh. In saying the following, I'm reminding myself about what works, as much as I am sharing with others.
Once I stopped trying to control my own addictions (Step 1), I've learned in these 12-Step programs that God is always bigger than my circumstances - actually a Power greater than my insanity (step2). Which makes it a no-brainer to let God manage my life (Step 3). And by the way, this means God gets the final say on my value as a human being, so guilty self-flaggelation (beating myself up) actually becomes an act of playing God.
For example, I could be terrified that my employer's current contract ends June 30, I am 56 with no degree, an often-ailing disabled husband, and live in an area that could have a staggering 30% unemployment rate by 2010. Then there's my mother's inoperable brain tumor, my Dad's dementia, blah-blah-blah...
If I focus on circumstances, I'm beyond crazy. My only hope is to focus on Good Orderly Direction (G.O.D.), and pray for the ability to just do the next right thing. Sometimes that's an apology for NOT having done the next right thing yesterday! But once it's done, I can feel good again, as long as I stay in the moment and keep my focus on what's clear and simple.
After Step 3, I'll find myself fighting familiar battles over and over again. That's where Steps 4-12 help me gain more sustained victory. In the beginning, it's wise to concentrate on the first 3 Steps, but my sponsors always told me there's no harm in taking "baby Steps" by practicing all the principles I could understand, as soon as I could see a way to apply them.
And so, since I am procrastinating right now by even staying on this site so long (!), I am noticing and admitting my wrong (Steps 4-5), deciding that I'm ready to give it up for now (Step 6), and asking God to remove (Step 7) my fear of the next right thing to do. I've harmed myself and J, am willing to amend it (Step 8 ) - and am now en route to the kitchen to make a healthy lunch for J and me to eat!
dizzle's bane
"procrastination... is the bane of my existence." yep, i could write the samething.
i struggled for months here trying to get a hang on recovery. I have more of a hang of it, but i'm procrastinating right now, so, i still have more recovery to make.
Please take heart that so many ppl here are in the same boat. We tend to be very self-critical, and it has helped me to kno that there's a lot of ppl here who struggle with the exact same thing.
And, you're not lazy. You *want* to work. You just have this addictive personality that you have to overcome before you can work. It's a huge challenge, so i think you shd give yourself a break. Well at least this type of idea has really helped me to give myself a break.
One thing i learned about myself a couple months ago was that i need to keep posting and checking-in when i am doing well. Because there's this issue of binge-ing which appears to be for me just as addictive and unhealthy for long-term productivity.
And also thank you for sharing your struggle, it encourages me to know we're all in this together.
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the touch of the master's hand: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/1898#comment-27748
"fall down seven times, get up eight" - japanese proverb
You're so right,
You're so right, Clement!
I've tried to eliminate all of my preferred substances of abuse, such as:
- www (made hubby put password on all PCs, although, when he goes to bed and I'm still on the pc - bad for me and bad for my next day, cause I'll stay put till 1am ...)
downside: He always gives me the password in an instant, if I ask for it ... then he has to change it again, which sometimes takes days, even weeks. Till then I sit tight and surf myself into oblivion ...
- TV (no more cable, just a DVD player)
- daily newspaper (that was tough)
Glad you mentioned that it is vital to post during during days/weeks when everything runs smoothly and I actually do my work. During those times - whenever I thought of PA, I pitied all users who still had to use the site. How very arrogant and stupid of me! I should rather have pitied myself for not using the site and making myself think that I would never need it again. How very silly of me. I will always need this site, I will always need help, just like a recovering alcoholic.
Constance
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"if i feel guilty about my procrastination, i will get LESS done, if i dont feel guilty, i will get MORE done." - Clement
posting when doing well
yes, after i had hit my bottom, and was willing to take 'step 1' http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/386, when i was doing well, i had the same feeling. Wow, i dont need this site now, probably never did. How arogant--i felt exactly the same way.
Well,it only took 2 or 3 relapses to give up that illusion for me. Painful, but in the end, helpful i think.
The animal doesnt know that the veterinarian is healing it.
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the touch of the master's hand: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/1898#comment-27748
"fall down seven times, get up eight" - japanese proverb
good morning dizzle
Your problem is not unsolvable; keep coming back!
I find it helps to come here every day even when I am in an unproductive mode.
Jo
Be where you are; otherwise you will miss your life. - Buddha