A new approach for dealing with fears/avoidance: turning them into Questions
Hi, I'm popping in again to share an approach that my Higher Power gave me to deal with my fears once and for all.
FEAR (Face Everything and Recover). For example, my ongoing fears about getting a new job, since my current one is not adequate for my needs.
I'm finally aware that facing everything will actually dispel these fears. But I have to do it in a way that I can handle, breaking it down.
So, this approach is as follows:
1. Turn every fear into a Question. Ex: If I'm afraid about listing a job on my resume for certain reasons, I turn the fear into a question that will help me find answers to solve the situation. "How do I list certain jobs in my career history if ....?"
2. Type that Question into my search engine and see what answers come up. Choose the most reputable sources that can give me information and provide solutions.
3. Start implementing the solutions I find. Break them down into actionable steps I can actually handle and be willing to do.
It's as simple as that. I started doing this and I feel a little better already. The hardest part will be to start taking the actions, but at least when I break my fears into questions and get details, that information I get empowers me. Knowledge is power.
Hope that helps someone else here too.
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Re: turning them into Questions
Saw my old thread title hanging over there on the side ---> and thought I'd revisit it.
I am knee-deep in many "projects" that all need to be done essentially at the same time (now).
I'm feeling overwhelmed and a lot of it is because of the fear of what answers I actually get when I do ask those questions. What will happen if I find myself with answers I don't like? Why do I always expect the worst, instead of seeing each inquiry as just an opportunity to get info that could help me one way or another?
I am so tired of what-if-ing every single thing.
For God has not given me a spirit of fear, but of power, love and a sound mind.
turning fears into questions
this is brilliant! I just wrote out two of the many fears i have as questions and got instant relief from seeing the variety of answers pop up as web pages. Knowing that a variety of someones have had my problems and come up with ways to address them is comforting - and makes me feel hopeful.
Success is not final, failure is not fatal
re: new approach for fears/avoidance
Thank you Jay and movingalong for bumping my old thread. I guess I needed to see this again. Totally forgot about it. I've been in a really bad depression so I will look into this again.
people say motivation won't last. neither does bathing, that's why we recommend it daily
re: turning fears into nuts-and-bolts questions
Thank you for this "turning fears into questions" idea. I'm finding it helpful.
Cleanup RisingUp: May 3
I did #1 on my list.
Very happy that's done, but as I expected, I am now feeling hesitant about the next things on my list.
Part of the problem is it's the weekend, and I usually don't "feel like" doing much after working all week ... but the catch-22 is the weekends give me the most time I have to actually get the tasks done.
What to do ... or not ...
(not giving feedback, just standing in solidarity.)
Hi MovingAlong ... thank you for the solidarity, it is very welcome!
Hope you are doing well :)
I finally broke my paralysis this morning and made the phone call I've been dreading for several months ... it was really quite simple. I think avoidance of a simple thing sometimes is avoidance of yet another more complex thing, in my case anyways. I think this thing being handled tomorrow morning
will help things start "moving along" ... !
CleanUp for RisingUp: New Challenge
[POSTING ON ONE OF MY OLD THREADS UNTIL FORUM FIXED]
I'm writing this thread to get me going in the right direction to clean up my life.
I've neglected a ton of things in the past 2 years since the eviction.
I'm frustrated that though I've been employed with a roof over my head
for a whole year (certainly beats where I was this time last year) -- I
am not where I want to be. Progress, yes ... but I deserve better than
My underearning/poverty mentality took over during these years because
of the eviction, and it's time to shed that mindset! It is NOT who I am
or what I am worth.
I finally feel ready to start upgrading, but there's so much that I keep
writing up to-do lists to no avail, because rarely any of it is getting
done! The tasks just keep swimming around in my head. What to do first?
What's most important when EVERYTHING is important???
So I'm back to sort this out.
I could sit here and plan and write more lists and priorities but where would it get me? going round and round ...
So ... I'll just start with the core basics. Things that involve maintenance related to my SAFETY and MY LIFE.
If I feel avoidant, here's my rule: BREAK IT DOWN. If I'm not taking the
action, or making the phone call, it means there is SOMETHING YET TO
PREPARE TO MAKE ME FEEL MORE COMFORTABLE. When I've prepared all I can, I
have to then just make the choice to trust in God and JUMP, come what
may. If God be for me, who can be against me?
So, up first:
1. Fix the car part. Stakes are high with this: risking car damage and
my physical life. Both could cost me money and my person.
2. Get the oll change and put in the brake fluid. I have now waited
longer than EVER IN MY LIFE to get the freakin' oil for my engine. The
car is now old with high mileage. Again, for my safety, I need to get
this done. I also depend on this car for my income.
3. Get the water filters. Again, this is risky. The water here is
clearly bad, and it's unacceptable for me to live with bad water when I
can easily buy some filters.
WHY THE SELF-NEGLECT? What is this avoidance of self-care all about?
-Not wanting the responsibility, and hoping "someone else" will fix it
for me (as in family of origin). News Flash: I am an ADULT. I am
responsible for taking care of my things!
-Fear of getting screwed somehow by auto mechanics. But what's worse, an
accident or losing my life? Everyone needs to maintain their cars and
get work done by male contractors. If God be for me, who can be against
me? What am I afraid of? There's only so much they can charge me. I know
where to go. I've done it before and no one has ever hurt me. So,
what's the issue?
-Not wanting to deal with the "hassle" ... so what's worse: spending a
few hours to let a mechanic fix it and be done with it, or letting my
car be damaged far worse and all the havoc that goes with that?
Can I accept that I don't live in a fantasy land where buttons are
pressed and these things are magically done for me? Can I accept life on
life's terms, that I live in a physical world that requires
maintenance? Can I "JUST GO WITH IT"???
I ask the Lord Jesus to send his Holy Spirit upon me and change my mind
and heart about all this so that I can move forward with my life, which
brings another point: Do I simply not want to move forward because
success involves too much adult responsibility? Am I afraid of being an
adult? Did this happen because of the early childhood boundaries in my
life that were crossed that I now believe stunted my emotional growth,
to make me fearful and defensive?
Holy Spirit, give me answers, solutions, a way of coping with this compulsion to avoid dealing with life. Amen.
I am struggling with the exact same challenge, so I totally appreciate this!
Which I 'accidentally' typed "risking Up" - "perfect love drives out fear" 1 John 4v18