Attacking My Days & Habits 1 Day at a Time

Talent--I don't know what that is. It's will. You dream a dream and then you build it.
  —Philippe Petit

Even the most accomplished pianists begin at some point by playing simple scales and exercises. With daily practice, their hands learn to find the correct notes and become limber enough to play well. They learn each new piece of music very slowly at first, until, with study and practice, they can play almost without effort.

In the beginning, the pianist only dreams of being an accomplished musician. This dream helps the artist through many hours of practice and study.

Talent is really the combination of a dream and the time spent building it. We develop our ability by devoting time to the skills that interest us. Like the musician, we become talented through daily practice - the daily building of a dream. By developing our talents, we develop who we are.

Who am I becoming today?

A helpful tool in our recovery, especially in the behavior we call detachment, is learning to identify who owns what. Then we let each person own and possess his or her rightful property.

If another person has an addiction, a problem, a feeling, or a self-defeating behavior, that is their property, not ours. If someone is a martyr, immersed in negativity, controlling, or manipulative behavior, that is their issue, not ours.

If someone has acted and experienced a particular consequence, both the behavior and the consequence belong to that person.

If someone is in denial or cannot think clearly on a particular issue, that confusion belongs to him or her.

If someone has a limited or impaired ability to love or care, that is his or her property, not ours. If someone has no approval or nurturing to give away, that is that person's property.

People's lies, deceptions, tricks, manipulations, abusive behaviors, inappropriate behaviors, cheating behaviors, and tacky behaviors belong to them, too. Not us.

People's hope and dreams are their property. Their guilt belongs to them too. Their happiness or misery is also theirs. So are their beliefs and messages.

If some people don't like themselves, that is their choice. Other people's choices are their property, not ours.

What people choose to say and do is their business.

What is our property? Our property includes our behaviors, problems, feelings, happiness, misery, choices, and messages; our ability to love, care, and nurture; our thoughts, our denial, our hopes and dreams for ourselves. Whether we allow ourselves to be controlled, manipulated, deceived, or mistreated is our business.

In recovery, we learn an appropriate sense of ownership. If something isn't ours, we don't take it. If we take it, we learn to give it back. Let other people have their property, and learn to own and take good care of what's ours.

Today, I will work at developing a clear sense of what belongs to me, and what doesn't. If it's not mine, I won't keep it. I will deal with my issues, my responsibilities, and myself. I will take my hands off what is not mine.

Write Before You Go Off Task or Procrastinate

When you are tempted to go off task, get on the Internet, text or procrastinate on a less important tast or time waster -- stop and make contact with another PA member or support buddy. If you cannot bring yourself to make the call, or if you make it and still want to go off task or procrastinate, then try writing.

Before you go off task, write down exactly how you are feeling, what you think the time wasting or less important task will do for you, what the likely result will be, & how you will feel an hour later. It is a good idea to keep a pad of paper handy on your desk, in your purse, next to your phone, in the car, in your briefcase; you can grab a pen instead of getting on the internet or doing that time wasting or less important task.

Often the process of writing down exactly how you are feeling will reveal the hidden emotions which are masquerading as a need to be distracted and a desire to go off plan or procrastinate. You may discover that you are anxious, or fearful, or lonely. Write the feelings and write the consequences of procrastinating or wasting time because of them.

Grant me insight, Lord, and self-understanding.

I held a moment in my hand, brilliant as a star, fragile as a flower, a shiny sliver out of one hour. I dropped it carelessly. O God! I knew not I held an opportunity.
—Hazel Lee

Once, a famous artist was hired to put stained glass windows into a great cathedral. His eager young apprentice pleaded for the chance to design just one small window. The master artist feared an experiment on even a small window would prove costly, but the persistent young apprentice kept up his pleas. Finally, the master agreed that he could try his hand on one small window if he furnished his own materials and worked on his own time.

The enterprising apprentice began gathering bits of glass his master had discarded, and set to work. When the cathedral doors were open, people stood in groups before the small window, praising its delicate excellence.

Our lives are like this. If we take the time to gather together the moments and opportunities we too often discard and waste, we find we can weave them into something beautiful.

What can I make of moments I usually waste today?

Stop Procrastinating, Start Living

Abstinence is just the beginning of the new life PA or other programs offer to us. When our Higher Power controls our life, we become free of the mental obsession with procrastination, time, ____. Then we are able to get down to the business of living, which we avoided with our illness.

Rather than reaching out with both hands to grab and hold on to all we can get, we begin to think in terms of giving and serving. We may start by sharing what our program has done for us with newcomers to the program. It is the newcomer who is our reminder of who we were and where we came from.

We find that though we can never go through our day without a time plan or schedule and be "spontaneous", we can live much more spontaneously than before. Because we feel less guilt and fear, we can experience the joy of acting from the center of our being. Knowing that our Higher Power is in control, we have trust and faith that the results of our actions will be okay. Each day becomes less of a trial and more of an opportunity.

Today, may I experience the spontaneity that comes with Your control.

Love God and Work the Program

How clear everything becomes when we put abstaining and recovering from procrastination, underearning or _____ first in our lives! As we recover, we grow in love for the Higher Power, which makes possible our new life. Loving God and working the program becomes our main purpose every day. From this, all else follows.

When we are confused and harried by conflicting demands on our time and attention, we need to withdraw for a moment and get back in touch with the God within. As long as we are sincerely trying to do His will, we do not have to be upset by negative responses from other people, whether their disapproval is real or imagined.

As our Higher Power provides a focus for our love, working the program provides a focus for our energies and ambitions. Whatever our situation, we are each capable of growing along spiritual lines, and it is this growth and progress which gives us deep, lasting satisfaction.

Accept my love and work.

If you have butterflies in your stomach ask them into your heart.
  —Cooper Edens

We've all had butterflies in our stomachs. It happens on the first day of school or the first day on a new job. It happens most anytime we try something new or risky. These butterflies are nervous and fluttery and sometimes we wish we could just go back to bed.

But the best thing we can do, and sometimes the only thing, is go right ahead and walk into that new situation with head held high. We will probably feel awkward at first, but that is natural and it will pass.

Our nervousness can change into excitement and joy for what we are doing. We can begin to feel proud when we walk through our fear. It is a true accomplishment when we don't let our fear stop us - when, instead, we let the butterfly in our hearts unfold.

When I have the butterflies today, will I enjoy their beauty?

In soloing--as in other activities--it is far easier to start something than it is to finish it.
  —Amelia Earhart

Procrastination plagues us all, at one time or another. But any activity that is worthy of our effort should be tackled by bits and pieces, one day at a time. We are too easily overwhelmed when we set our sights only on the accomplished goal. We need to focus, instead, on the individual elements and then on just one element at a time. A book is written word-by-word. A house is built timber-by-timber. A college degree is attained course-by-course.

By the time we got to this program, most of us had accumulated a checkered past, much of which we wanted to deny or forget. And the weight of our past can stand in the way of the many possibilities in the present.

Our past need not determine what we set out to do today. However, we must be realistic: We can't change a behavior pattern overnight. But we can begin the process. We can decide on a reasonable, manageable objective for this 24-hour period. Enough days committed to the completion of enough small objectives will bring us to the attainment of any goal, large or small.

I can finish any task I set my sights on, when I take it one day at a time. Today is before me. I can move forward in a small way.

Rescuing Ourselves

No one likes a martyr.

How do we feel around martyrs? Guilty, angry, trapped, negative, and anxious to get away.

Somehow, many of us have developed the belief that depriving ourselves, not taking care of ourselves, being a victim, and suffering needlessly will get us what we want.

It is our job to notice our abilities, our strengths, and take care of ourselves by developing and acting on them.

It is our job to notice our pain and weariness and appropriately take care of ourselves.

It is our job to notice our deprivation, too, and begin to take steps to give ourselves abundance. It begins inside of us, by changing what we believe we deserve, by giving up our deprivation and treating ourselves the way we deserve to be treated.

Life is hard, but we don't have to make it more difficult by neglecting ourselves. There is no glory in suffering, only suffering. Our pain will not stop when a rescuer comes, but when we take responsibility for ourselves and stop our own pain.

Today, I will be my own rescuer. I will stop waiting for someone else to work through my issues and solve my problems for me.

At fifteen life had taught me undeniably that surrender, in its place, was as honorable as resistance, especially if one had no choice.
  —Maya Angelou

We had to surrender to a power greater than ourselves to get to where we are today. And each day, we have to turn to that power for strength and guidance. For us, resistance means struggle - struggle with others as well as an internal struggle.

Serenity isn't compatible with struggle. We cannot control forces outside of ourselves. We cannot control the actions of our family or our co-workers. We can control our responses to them. And when we choose to surrender our attempts to control, we will find peace and serenity.

That which we abhor, that which we fear, that which we wish to conquer seems suddenly to be gone when we decide to resist no more - to tackle it no more.

The realities of life come to us in mysterious ways. We fight so hard, only to learn that what we need will never be ours until the struggle is forsaken. Surrender brings enlightenment.

Life's lessons are simple once I give up the struggle.

Hurried and worried until we're buried
And there's no curtain call,
Life's a very funny proposition, 
after all.
  —George M. Cohan

Often, when we involve ourselves in a whirlwind of activities, plans, and expectations, we push ourselves so hard that we don't derive any satisfaction from success. We need to face our limitations. We can't do everything we want. Even when we can do a great deal, if we overextend ourselves, take on too much, we will not enjoy ourselves, and there is no reason not to enjoy our work.

Our activities are part of what we are. If we choose to live in a frantic hurry, worrying about the next moment instead of this one, we'll miss life entirely. Part of self-knowledge is learning to pace ourselves to our own speed, learning to set goals we can attain for each day. When we do this, we can say, "Now that I've completed this, I don't have to do one more thing to feel worthwhile."

Am I trying to do too much too fast?

Procrastination plagues us all, at one time or another. But any activity that is worthy of our effort should be tackled by bits and pieces, one day at a time. We are too easily overwhelmed when we set our sights only on the accomplished goal. We need to focus, instead, on the individual elements and then on just one element at a time. A book is written word-by-word. A house is built timber-by-timber. A college degree is attained course-by-course.

By the time we got to this program, most of us had accumulated a checkered past, much of which we wanted to deny or forget. And the weight of our past can stand in the way of the many possibilities in the present.

Our past need not determine what we set out to do today. However, we must be realistic: We can't change a behavior pattern overnight. But we can begin the process. We can decide on a reasonable, manageable objective for this 24-hour period. Enough days committed to the completion of enough small objectives will bring us to the attainment of any goal, large or small.

I can finish any task I set my sights on, when I take it one day at a time. Today is before me. I can move forward in a small way.

Empowering

You can think. You can feel. You can solve your problems. You can take care of yourself.

Those words have often benefited me more than the most profound and elaborate advice.

How easy it is to fall into the trap of doubting others and ourselves.

When someone tells us about a problem, what is our reaction? Do we believe we need to solve it for the person? Do we believe that that person's future rests on our ability to advise him or her? That's standing on shaky ground - not the stuff of which recovery is made.

When someone is struggling through a feeling, or a morass of feelings, what is our reaction? That the person will never survive that experience? That it's not okay for someone to feel? That he or she will never get through this intact?

When a person is faced with the task of assuming responsibility for their life and behaviors, what is our response? That the person can't do that? I must do it myself to save him or her from dissipating into ashes? From crumbling? From failing?

What is our reaction to ourselves when we encounter a problem, a feeling, or when we face the prospect of assuming responsibility for ourselves?

Do we believe in others and ourselves? Do we give power to people - including ourselves - and their abilities? Or do we give the power to the problem, the feeling, or the irresponsibility?

We can learn to check ourselves out. We can learn to think, and consider our response, before we respond. "I'm sorry you're having that problem. I know you can figure out a solution. Sounds like you've got some feelings going on. I know you'll work through them and come out on the other side."

Each of us is responsible for ourselves. That does not mean we don't care. It does not mean a cold, calculated withdrawal of our support from others. It means we learn to love and support people in ways that work. It means we learn to love and support ourselves in ways that work. It means that we connect with friends who love and support us in ways that work.

To believe in people, to believe in each persons inherent ability to think, feel, solve problems, and take care of themselves is a great gift we can give and receive from others.

Today, I will strive to give and receive support that is pure and empowering. I will work at believing in myself and others - and our mutual abilities to be competent at dealing with feelings, solving problems, and taking responsibility for ourselves.