Saturday June 30, 2012

Please do not leave advice or feedback.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 

Friday night was not sober for me.  I don't recall falling asleep.  Woke up at 7:50am on Saturday morning on the couch, ear to the sofa.  Had not brushed my teeth, had brushed teeth right then and there. 

i plan minimal sleep and food breaks to finish my online stats final by tomorrow afternoon (even though its due that same night) i will keep a log of how many hours i spend on it and won't give up until i'm at 6 hours total for today.

i will try to use my breaks to work on something for my job because i am on the verge of being fired.

i am posting this here because i know that i will fail like i always have on these heroic pursuits in my life, since i eventually decide that they're pathetic. i always wait until the last minute and then proclaim that i will be a hero by staying up all night, etc. this is how i've done things since my childhood and i hate myself for it. i've tried to manage my time before but always give up after 1-2 days. thats how pathetic i am. i've never worked on anything for longer than a few days only because of fear. long-term perseverance is a completely new thing to me.

i will update here every 2 hours that i make it through and hopefully can join the meeting tomorrow.

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update: its been 2.5 hours and i've asted about 1.5 of them on my favorite distractors (insecurities about my career and about never contributing anything as a musician). with all my efforts, i still only managed to invest 1 hour into what was really important on my agenda. i am a failure at the science of life. and i now recognize that it will be a very long road back to any kind of productivity.

update: 2.5 more hours have passed. unfortunately, i wasted the first 1.5 of these after being upset at myself for the time i wasted in my previous 2.5 hours lol now as i write this. so again, only 1 productive hour out of 2.5 hours. net=2 work hours out of 5 = 40% efficiency (embarrassing) :-\

I like the idea of a time log to record actual time spent rather than a timesheet to plan in advance (which never works for me). I'm trying to get a better idea of how long tasks actually take so I'm putting estimated amount of time next to each one here.

Tasks for today/tonight: 

*attend UA Big Book meeting 1.5 hours

*Laundry/Dishes/Vacuum/Sweep/Mop, 3 hours

*Meals/Water/Supplements: Lunch 30 min., Dinner 30 min.

*PA chatbox check-ins

*Write only 1 assignment by bursting through in short pieces of time

*Read Bible, prayer/focus @ 1 hour total

*DVD workouts+stretch @ 1 hour total

*Steps workbook @ 25 min. total

*Write in journal 15 min. 

*Music @ 15 min. total

*Call friend @ 15 min. total

*Go out tonight

Thanks for the thoughtful thread-started, Lennon :) Keeping a time log has helped me tremendously at work; I just never thought of using it for my personal life. I think I don't want to face how much time I really waste... Kind of like how I deliberately forget to keep track of my finances. But seeing your tip kind of makes me want to try.

x HG1

x HG2

X wash dishes

X clean bathroom

- do laundry

- finish brochure

- reply to G and set deadlines

- create master to-do list and organize self

- BH: a1

- BH: ap 

~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Nothing diminishes anxiety faster than action - Walter Anderson