Monday June 25th 2012

Tuesday 11.30 am

Thank you for the inspiring starter, chickadee.

Have not checked in for ages but wanted to say how much I appreciate reading other's posts and the whole website.

I have been using the chat box intermittently but tend to keep my worklists elsewhere. Maybe I should consider posting my main tasks here again? as I have been doing ok recently but not been very productive.

Thank you all for being here!

What happens to time? Literally, it vanishes!!!

So it's almost 8pm now, and I haven't made anything like progress with my assignment, and I just don't understand how I can do/not do this... I think part of the problem was I didn't go out apart from to walk the dogs. I mean, I might have been more productive in other surroundings. But being at home, I was able to do all sorts of distracting stuff, some of which was almost valid (it certainly needed doing) but the rest of the day, I've basically just frittered away, unhealthily. 

Now that my daughter is back, I feel like I could maybe focus better, but then again, I feel tired, drained by my own apathy... And it was my dog Toffee's birthday today, and I want to take him and his mother Lucky for a nice walk, even though they don't know what bloody day it is, only that I've been less considerate of their needs than usual, what with this uncompleted assignment hanging over my head... Grrrr...

So. I will work til 8.30 on my writing and then take the dogs out for a walk. 

Ok. I need to do this lab report. Dammit. Even if I'm up until four in the morning. I can do this.

So things
-Lab report (broken down on other page)

Other things
-household things
-go shopping makin stir fry tonite mmm
-submit orders for 31 party
-mail check
-Submit mom events

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetings, and my life.

I want to thank chickadee for starting this trend.

Things I will do today

1. Go to the 9:30 a.m. telephone PA check-in

2. Go to the 9:45 a.m. telephone CLA activity line

3. Cook and eat breakfast

4. Prayer and meditation morning and evening

5. Take shower

6. Get dressed

7. Read meditations

8. Finish Third Step

9. Go to the 12 noon telephone ACA meeting

10. Go to the 1 p.m. telephone CLA activity line 

11. Go to the grocery store

12. Go to my mother's apartment

13. Wash dishes

14. Clear my tables

15. Do numbers

16. Warm up and eat dinner

17. Go to the 8 p.m. telephone CLA meeting

18. Go to the 9 p.m. telephone OA meeting

19. Go to the 9 p.m. online EA meeting

20. Go to the 11 p.m. telephone ACA meeting

21. Test blood sugar twice

22. Inject insullin

23. Go to a restaurant for birthday dinner

Thanks for letting me share

Please do not leave advice or feedback.  Thank you. 

I've been flirting with the idea of having a bottomline, but I have had such a messed up sleep pattern that I don't have a separation between sleep time and awake time.  Sometimes I have passed out on the couch, because I either didn't have the will to get up and take a shower or because there was laundry to fold.  I have wanted to make brushing my teeth before bed a bottomline, but I'm not sure how I define "bed" anymore.  I will however commit to the following, b/c I followed through on this thing tonight starting at 1:41am.

My bottomline is that I will brush my teeth before bed (even if it's with my finger): the sides of my teeth, both inner and outter and the tops of my teeth.  That is my one simple bottomline, not the whole routine.  From here, I started to do the routine and it was good for me because I wondered, "Hmm maybe I should floss that big gap I have between my teeth."  Why am I doing this?  Because I want to have my natural teeth.  I don't want to have crowns, which break and are expensive.  But it's beyond that.  It's a matter of personal integrity and I have divorced myself from my own sense of integrity through my addiction to procrastination.  It's also the integrity of knowing what I'm capable of and having experienced regret wayyy too much.  I cannot afford to lose out on account of my addiction anymore.  (I am sick and tired of being sick and tired.)  But that's just WORDS.  My tool of procrastination.  Sometimes too much premeditation on an action prevents it getting done.  Or rather sometimes the meditation takes the place of the action for me, and I don't need to analyze it or understand it.  I know that brushing my teeth is good for me because it helps me save time in the morning, because it helps me feel confident myself, b/c I want to have all my teeth in my mouth when I die.  It's a matter of personal integrity.  People, who I have perceived to have less fastidious dental habits than I brush their teeth regularly at night.  But that's not enough for an addict like me.

The bottomline is that  I'm going to define my sobriety for the next twenty-one days as -- I brush my teeth before going to sleep.  I know it's hard to define b/c of this lack of knowing about when I'm asleep and awake, but for the next twenty one days I will do my best to discern the difference and I will brush my teeth.  I think maybe it's safe to establish a topline behavior that for the next 21 days I brush my teeth by 1am and do not eat after that, until I've slept for at least three hours.  I think I can commit to that for a week.  I shall checkin with myself later regarding this.  If I'm somehow not at home by local time 1am, or if I lose track of time, it's not the end of the world-- this is just my topline behavior-- but when I do realize the time or am home I shall begin immediately.  This is a very small commitment.  You can do it, self!