Wednesday 30th June 2010

Hey,

Yesterday was a bust but that wasn't my fault. Today I called in sick and haven't accomplished enough. I guess I also took my girl for a walk and she's crying now to go out again. It's not so hot, thankfully, so we'll go out soon.

I'm in a depression.

Turns out that the person I might get a better job from, is just too busy to interview. I called him today and asked if the position was filled and said no and to call him back on Monday. I also feel guilty about possibly leaving my boss, and I don't know if it's real guilt that should be listened to or guilt that will keep me stuck. Don't know at this point, but hoping to get some clear guidance as to what's right in this situation for everyone.

I'm not able to get supplements and testing for my Yoffee and am not making my part of the rent with this job. My husband is complaining that it's not fair that he has to help me (he's done it many times before too).

My inner puppy is having a tantrum, and so is my real puppy. So out we go!!

Pray for a miracle...that's just what my friend just said about her own situation, which I had wished for her the day before.

Also want to turn over the hidden procrastinating thing that is knawing at me:

-clean in all kitchen cabinets and put down shelf paper and boric acid for roaches, which I must admit I'm sorry to report and is disgusting, I brought into these good people's home we are renting from and can't afford an exterminator.

Actions I will take today:
-clean hallway stairs
-finish whatever work I have for ML, even though I haven't heard from her.

Also, to turn over some fab news, someone contacted me about caring for their dog!!!!! Even if nothing comes of it (I'm lying) I'm happy at least one person might be interested.

Hopefully will see you guys later.

Kind regards.

♥Prayers & guidance needed & appreciated for my Yoffee's healing.♥

Before work:
Up by 6
Check in
Dress smartly
Straighten hair
Pack food
Leave by 6.45 - nearly!
Buy drink
Docs 7.10

Commute:
Prayer time
Full makeup
Read
Writing

Work:
LDM training Cancelled!
CA mins :)
Paper - put away backlog and do priority tasks - Part done
Make 2006 labels
Email
Tasks
Archive bible attack :)
Contracts
Filing
Tea/last orders :)
Check in with D :)
Tidy & plan/double checks :)

Lunchbreak:
Macmillan - start prize requests
Buy light bulbs

After work:
Email/social sites :)
Change bulbs :)

Vitamins :)
Clear kitchen Nothing to clear
Dog face wash  I was out most of the evening and she's gone to bed!

Floss/brush teeth/wash face/moisturise :)
Tomorrow's list :)
Email reports :)
Close living room window :)
Check in :)
BED straight after check in! :)

WOOHOO!

missyi

TELEPHONE CALLS MADE:
9:12 AM APPOINTMENT FOR 9:30AM NEEDS TO BE RECHDEULED.
DONE RESCHEDULED THURSADY 8TH JULY 2010 @ 2:00PM
9:30 RETURN CALL TO DR. FOR ZOBEE
DONE MESSAGE TO PLEASE CALL.

OBJECTIVE IS BE READY FOR APPOINTMENT @3:00 PM
11:15 AM COLOR HAIR
SHOWER MAKEUP
COPY AND MAIL LOGISTIC-CARE FORM

TO-DO'S-COMPLETED:
CALL KELLY FOR UPDATE 9:34 AM
ARRIVAL TIME IS 2:00 PM
LAUNDRY WASH TOWELS
DRY TOWELS
FOLD CLOTHES AND DISH TOWELS (DONE)
COLOR HAIR
BUSINESS-TO-DO-LIST
CLIENT FILES NEED TO BE ORGAINIZED.

 Show up (done) I semi-shut down yesterday- first time.in almost a year.

I am working on CODA 4th step. I have a sponsor, have wanted to do this for many.many years, and now that I can, I feel like I am in the middle of a raging fire. I know it is the right thing to do because the steps are the only thing that have ever helped me, but it "feels" all wrong. The only good thing of being where I am in my life is I have nothing left to lose, so why not, it is surely worth the risk, I can always do them again if these do not help. In the meantime, still showing up even though I feel engulfed in raging flames of shame, anger, resentment, guilt, self loathing, etc., etc.  I even got most of my unfinished business June items done. That is a miracle and the day is not over yet. Grateful for this site and being here. It is the ONLY place I can still show up and for me it is my 1st step of willingness and surrender to my hp.

My main task for the day is to start an experiment (I'm going to do it side-by-side with a technician from another lab, to learn how to do it well).

Other, lower priority tasks are:
*Email R
*Deacon list
*Expt studying
*Work on organizing

OK, have about 20 min to work on organizing, then I'll head over to the other lab. 

Working from home today and well into recovery from the pneumonia.  I slept 12 hours last night, and I'm still feeling the need to take it pretty easy, but I feel a little better each day.   I have 4 meetings (conference calls) today, and one of them is my meeting which is my major MIT for today, but I'm ready for it.   So, what I need to do now is plan my day around the meeting schedule .  I'm not good at fitting bits and pieces of work into small time slots, I tend to waste the time between meetings when it's only an hour or so.  

Back in 30 with a todo list!

12:15 well, it's more than 30 minutes later but here is the promised list:

• email
• N meeting
• Project Z meeting (big MIT for the day)
• Project M meeting - 1 hour
• T meeting - 1 hour
• Project V - check D on all - 1 hour
• Project V - review P2 - 1 hour
• water plants - 10 minutes
• dishes - 1 hour
• grocery store run - 1 hour
• Project V - begin planning for D.C. - 30 minutes

Update 5 pm, all work stuff done!    Now for the grocery store run.   I have my clothes laid out for tomorrow, and I'll get to bed early tonight.  I'm driving myself in the morning woot! 

Jo 

'I'm going to put a smile on my face, put forth a good effort, and be better today than I was yesterday.' - Huma

after having done absolutely no sports for the past 1.5 years yesterday i started running again. proud that i made a start and hope i'll keep going! (been really annoyed with how out of shape i am for quite a while now...)

at the moment i feel like i might not achieve much today, but nevertheless i want to make an effort - very much inspired by Lucky's amazing progress! :)

so for today: 

• breakfast and shower DONE
• check emails DONE
• write one email to a friend
• call A
• finish application and mail it (finish cover letter, edit cv, edit ws1, choose ws2)
• tidy study a bit
• start sorting thesis material (even if just for 5 min!)
• journal
• check something for JTT
• check D support service
• start editing M
• make a plan for tomorrow

I begin with a happy bit of necessary procrastination...

I cancelled [rightfully] a late morning event with speaker/luncheon. Would have been very tight to get ready, attend that , AND high-speed it back in time to pick up son for dentist. So, why go through that agony; I JUST cancelled RSVP and have decided to:

- attend aerobics (healthier, though fancy lunch would have been nice!) DONE. ONLY ONE WHO SHOWED UP SO GOT PRIMO PRIVATE LESSON

- then focus somewhat on overdues: bills, clothes, car, rent, repair receipts LITERALLY RAN OUT OF TIME SINCE PROSPECTIVE NEW TENANT CAME TO SEE PLACE WHICH FREED UP MY THURS SOMEWHAT AND BARELY GOT OUT THE DOOR AS I NEEDED TO SWEEP THE FLOOR (OVERDUE SINCE MON.) TO MAKE IT PRESENTABLE

- get to dentist -- on time! (afternoon)--KICKED MYSELF FOR SLIGHT TARDINESS  AND THEN TRAFFIC. LUCKILY, APPT WENT WELL FOR KIDDO AND DOCTOR HAD EXTRA TIME AND CHARGED FAR LESS THAN EXPECTED 

DID LIBRARY SUMMER READING KICK-OFF FOR KIDDO AS TREAT AFTER DENTIST

AEROBICS WORE ME OUT SO TOOK A SHORT EVENING SNOOZE (TREAT!)

OH CRUD, I JUST REALIZED I FORGOT TO MAKE SUMMER CAMP PAYMENT FOR NEXT WK, SO MIGHT INCUR SLIGHT LATE CHARGE THURS.....I NEVER WROTE IT DOWN

   call relative enroute DID THIS AT NIGHT AFTER DINNER (OUT WITH FRIENDS -- PLEASANT AND NO FAMILY ARGUMENTS AND MUCH OVERDUE)

- also, will not do 11 am phone check-in (unless pool closed), since I probably can not commit to other tasks later in day I MET THIS GOAL AND DID NOT OVER-COMMIT :-)

MUST STILL DO: BILLS & RENT -- BIT LATE BUT LANDLORD IS BEING HELPED BY ME  SO HE'S FINE WITH IT

**** I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT IS BUT SOMETHINGS (BILLS ETC) I JUST CAN'T BEGIN AND ENDLESSLY DRAG AROUND (IN HEAD AND IN MY BAG) THOUGH THEY ARE DINKY....WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?**** (Lists/check-in do NOT necessarily help...)

Hello all.

Today I am willing to seek the vision from
the Power-for-Good that is Greater
-- (greater than my little self's vision).

I ask for the willingness to actually DO the footwork.

I am willing to be quiet and listen today.

I am willing to trust that Higher Power will aid me through doing the tasks that would seem awkward, scary, tedious, or difficult.

If I trust in Higher Power, and do the footwork, the motivation will follow.

"Motivation follows action."

Goals:
Project "C".
Finances.
Self-Care.
Phone calls.
Research "M". 

-- movingalong

Mon-Fri mornings: 15-minute PA phone meetings

These meetings are based on 12-step concepts.
We get lots done in 15 minutes!
Topics change daily:
Tools, Steps, Visions, Promises, etc.

Get action buddies for difficult tasks.

Times are New York Time
(Eastern Daylight Time in the summers).
7:30 AM -- 7:45 AM
8:30 AM -- 8:45 AM
11:00 AM -- 11:15 AM

Call 1-218-339-3600.
Then enter access code 119655# when prompted.
( *** Please note this is a different phone number
than the Wed one-hour evening meeting *** ).