Saturday, June 13, 2009

LOL Recycler!!!

That needs to be the home page of my much procrastinated website!!

Busy day today - catchup time - but at least I'm not waiting until the LAST, last minute - just almost last minute... progress not perfection! 2 jobs to deliver today MIT then b2w on job2. CI later.

I will lift up mine eyes until the hills, from whence cometh my help. Psalm 121:1

Most important thing:

make some progress on paper piles

finish lawn

work out

submit class assignments

I jumped into an on line step study and have been doing research on step 3.

I too have ADHD, as does my one son. There are a few things I don't have a problem with, 1. salt 2. Gambling

I can't think of any more, every time I hear a new problem, I realize I have it, Throughout the years: 1. OA 2. AA. 3. NA 4. ACOA 5. CODA  3. AlNON 4.cLUTTERER 5. PROCRASTINATOR ET.,  6. Depression 7.ADHD

These are not like, I need to work on these problems- they are more like I want to stop and I can't problems.

At any rate, for me I believe there is a solution- but it's not me.(Back on my knees)See below

 In the simplest of terms, consider that you, the reader, do not possess
all knowledge about everything in life. Similarly, no group of
individuals, knows everything about everything. Some source exists to
which individuals have equal access to new knowledge and the power that
goes with it. (see pg 59).
Any decision to accept or reject reality does not change "what is and
what is not" the truth. It is the belief about reality within the
alcoholic which determines their free choice of action. (see pg 55).
Thus far, the only demonstrations of recovery in any significant
quantity come from "a vital spiritual experience" capable of displacing
and rearranging ideas, emotions, and attitudes which are guiding forces
in the life of the alcoholic. Being "a good church member" is not the
message of recovery which this author has found in the basic text. (see
pg 27).
A review of Chapter Three of the basic text illustrates how one
alcoholic knew what he knew about alcoholism. He had made a beginning
improving his life and then found himself drunk again. The potentially
fatal error was in the belief that he had acquired sufficient knowledge
to maintain sobriety. The flaw was that he failed to enlarge his
spiritual life.

FOR EMPHASIS: This author repeats the word - "ENLARGE"
Changes and new conditions are the inevitable result of living life, on
life's terms. (pg 85). The idea that what is now known is enough to
deal with any new situation is an egotistically attractive but
"erroneous false belief in personal omniscience". That "all knowing"
quality generally gets reserved for an idea of "God". (pg 55). Old ideas
may not always apply to new and different conditions. (pg 58). The
desire to enlarge awareness of "the Great Reality" (i.e.: "God" - pg 55)
is a personal desire for more "spiritual growth". (pg 60).
New ideas are an essential ingredient in making intelligent choices
under changing conditions. Unintelligent emotional decisions can be
self-destructive. "Spiritual progress" requires an intelligently and
realistically enlarged awareness of improved results, on life's
terms. (see pgs 14-15, 35, 60 & Step 11).
With the increased power of more new knowledge comes increased freedom
of choice. An alcoholic with that increased power is then able to
intelligently displace and rearrange "old ideas". (pgs 27 & 58). That
freedom from mental limitations is acquired by developing an attitude of
being willing to go to any length to recover from alcoholism. (pg 58 &
Appendix II).
As an enlarged awareness of reality is sought, relief gets provided, on
a daily basis, from some endless supply of new knowledge. That power is
equally available to all. (i.e.: "God" see pgs 14-15, 45, 55, 60,
164¸ Step 11 & Appendix II). This mental process is not a cure for
alcoholism. However, it does provide relief, from a once seemingly
hopeless state of mind and body. (page 60).
As an alcoholic improves their understanding of reality, (i.e.: "God" -
Steps 3 & 11), they gain freedom to let go of erroneous beliefs and old
ideas in order to accept something better. (i.e.: "Let Go and Let God"
-see pgs 82-84). That alcoholic consciously improves what is "good for
them". (i.e. "God's Will for them"- see pg 133 & Step 11
Resentment is the "number one" offender. It destroys more alcoholics
than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we
have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually
sick. When the spiritual malady is overcome, we straighten out mentally
and physically." (pg 64)
Strong emotional desires have fueled many erroneous beliefs. Wanting
life to be a certain way is not always the way reality is. By improving
conscious contact with reality (i.e.: "God" see Step 11), it became
apparent that beliefs about "Santa Claus" were an illusion which existed
in my own mind. It may have been shared by others, but like it or not:
FANTASIES GET REPLACED BY ACCEPTANCE OF REALITY
Repeated reliance upon emotional attitudes creates a habit pattern of
thinking. (see pg 68). One which produces a childish demand to be
"right", and includes automatic rejection of new or different ideas.
"The Great Reality" is a reasonable synonym and concept for the word
"God". (pg 55). Unhappily for some, any personal efforts to defend
erroneous beliefs eventually yield to the Ultimate Reality of life, on
life's terms. For others, it can be a welcomed opportunity to "trade
up" to something better. (i.e.: "God's will" - see pg 133).
By seeking an expanded awareness of reality (syn: "God"- pg 60(c)) it is
possible to experience relief from problems caused by erroneous beliefs.
This occurs by improving a conscious understanding of how to relate to
that Ultimate Reality (see Step 11). All that is required is to place a
demand upon ones own mind for an enlarged awareness of the truth (syn:
"God"). If this is a dominant desire (syn: "prayer") it is possible to
"let go of old ideas". (pg 58). By that personal choice an alcoholic can
change beliefs which had previously been guiding forces in their life.
(pg 27). There was a time, for this author, when that equality and
freedom of choice seemed impossible. However, with new knowledge of
reality, that personal belief system was changed.

  I finally feel that there is a solution to almost all my problems - being distracted, never getting work done on time, fits of rage, relationships going down the drain before they have even started because I tend to interrupt people while speaking and not listen closely, seeing things black-or-white, jumping to conclusions, giving stupid advise when no one wants it - it's all written in the big book of ADD-symptoms ...

x  So today I bought some more fatty-acids+magnesium+zink supplements, went to the library to study (here I sit writing in PA, but just a little while)

x  I made ammends to one close friend I alienated a few months ago by a fit of rage. I miss her very much and hope she'll understand now and forgive me. Interestingly enough, her Ex-husband and father of her children has ADD as well, so she knew how to get rid of obnoxious ADD-persons in her life

O  read black folder, 30 min a topic

O have lunch

Constance 

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"if i feel guilty about my procrastination, i will get LESS done, if i dont feel guilty, i will get MORE done." - Clement