Okay, I'm setting a bottomline surrounding my facebook activities, that I checked out with my SLAA sponsor, and now I'm putting it here for all of you, my PA people: I will only visit Facebook one time per day. In order to reign this in, I changed my notification emails to once per day. I have changed my settings so that on each computer, I only get 15 minutes of time on Facebook. I think that's quality.
If I have problems with following this bottomline, then I will be removing anyone I think is attractive or could fantasize myself being with. Frankly, since I'm a sex and love addict, that could include just about EVERYONE. Okay no more procrastination, I am going to write a fourth step sex inventory for my other program. I am going to work a little bit on it each day. I am setting my watch for thirty minutes,when the time is up I can move on to something else.
A lot of my problems with procrastination are my problems with self-esteem. But then, in order to have self-esteem I need to take esteemable action, so they say. This coming from both my sponsor in another program and my ex-psychotherapist from a couple years ago. I wish...if for no other reason than for my self to get on target. I wish I had a sense of focus in my life, that I did not need to be driven into things, that I could do them for my own sake, and if I cannot do them for my own sake, I wish that I had a group of peers I could turn to for support, but I am not feeling supported here. I know when I am welcome and I feel all but condescended. I also feel that this website is a little bit of a motivator to get me to stay home and check in with it. I know that some people may log in from their mobile palm tops, etc. but for me I have only my computers, and I cannot be marchin' around with them. For that reason I feel that it can be a bit condemning for me to login to an Internet site in order to overcome procrastination. A lot of my "tools" for being a procrastinator are here. Then again, I can procrastinate without the Internet, I just think that if one of my problems is getting out it can be a huge problem if working my program may mean doing something directly counterproductive to what I need to do, which is get out the door often. ANd I don't mean right now, I mean for an appointment or a test, or an interview. If I don't feel qualified I freak out. Now that has nothing to do with the website, but at the same time, I don't want to be sitting here, tied to a computer, when I should be checking in in some other means. I mean, I'd like to get out that door and I'd like to call someone from program on the phone.
I finally found a meeting room for my group here in Orange County. The only issue is getting a reservation on a regular weekly basis, as I have to reserve the room. Looks like getting out that door is going to be a reality. Here is the thing that is confronting me:
a) I just took a leave of absence to buy msyelf some more time which means that I have to finish up my incompletes in school, something I can do, but will my professors take my work?
b) I have to stay in my apartment, and figure out a way how, otherwise, I have to find other housing. Even though I was offered an apartment, I have to see aboutwho I am going to get as a person to pay for me. In addition, I have to set aside some money to do a down payment by August 1st. Seriously I wonder sometimes, who the eff these people are who have money to just pay two rent payments at once. Students they must be as I'm living in student housing.
c) I have to get a job, right now to pay for my living. I need to also get a part-time position or flexible position for september, when I go back to school.
d) Due to my sex and love addiciton, I am totally going into fantasy and longing and that is not helping my situation at all. It's actually very unnerving, distracting and disturbing, and weird. I wish I could just stop wanting a certain person. It does not even matter who it is, because I tend to fixate on people due to my addiction...and they really don't matter entirely as to who they are. I mean, they have some resilient qualities, but the obsession just wants someone to focus on. Someone or something other than myself or my horrible situation which is scaring the hell out of me and making me feel frustrated because I'm not getting what I want. But I'm an addict in that other program, so I got to go to meetings there and report.
I just feel so unnerved about that person whom I was cyberstalking for three weeks altogether. Cannot stop. That's why I got to get away from the Internet frequently, and that's anothe reason why I got to use that pageaddict add-on from Firefox.
Hi, I know I haven't checked in for a loonnggg time, but things have been rough at home, and school has been on the back burner.
I had a fortune cookie today. The message inside was an inspiration for the day, so I thought i'd check in to share it with you all, too. it said:
"Do you aspire to great things? Start with little ones first."
It reminded me that to accomplish a task, I need to take the first steps, and stop letting anxiety and dread get the best of me.
I'm feeling a lot of stress lately due to family problems.... which seem way more important sometimes than working on schoolwork....which is just getting me deeper in the hole.... Lets just say I'll be really happy when this semester is over, and I can give my full attention to whats going on in my family.
I had a job inteview today...I think it went really well. :-)
Today I am thankful that by the grace of God, our sins are forgiven, and we have the promise of everlasting life. Praise God!
I feel as if I'm going to run screaming from what I'm doing. I have this bent that somehow checking out some hott guy or gal is going to cure all my woes, but at the same time I detest myself, because I know that this "hott" guy or "hott" gal would never want me. I'ts really really hard to put the investment in MYSELF. I already brushed my teeth, now I just need ot read over my affirmations, read my goals and leave the house in order to go jogging.
I installed pageaddict, but I still want to log into facebook and cyberstalk this person. Which. Yeah. I cannot do that. This is extreme.
I cannot even log into FB right now , because I installed pageaddict, but i'd like to log in and use it to delete or deactivate my account. But I just know I"ll feel "Left out" and then I'll be back in no time, and have to re-set everything up.
Moderation is a hard lesson to learn. To just not drink is one thing. To drink one sip is a serious challenge. Serious challenge.
OMG. I won a 1 bedroom apartment unit for myself in the lottery. Good times! I just had to check in about this.
Did my ten job applications for today. I'm about to brush my teeth, and call my dentist because tooth got chipped last night.
I am stuck. Time is passing.
I need to ??? defrost and start moving.
Have had coffee, breakfast and a net surf.
Immediate next goals?
"Recovery from procrastination means doing what you say you're going to do, when you say you're going to do it."
very cool that you set a small goal for yourself such as getting out the door to take a walk. That's excellent. Keep going.
I am stuck. Time is passing.
I need to ??? defrost and start moving.
Have had coffee, breakfast and a net surf.
Immediate next goals?
Above is done. I have also eaten lunch and worke on and finished an article that I had promised to write.
Lots to do today! Just got back from visiting parents, was reasonably productive on the plane (made a schedule for the week, starting mtg prep, caught up on paper reading)
Scheduled: Mtg w/ TJ 1-1:20, perhaps mtg w/ RS 2:00-2:30(cancelled)
*Finish prep for mtg w/ TJ
*Prep for mtg w/ RS
*Email WG, CE, PR, SHW, CVV, PJ
*Check seminar schedule
*Finish 2nd struct. anal. and MoD summary
*Document 3 files
*Unpack, do laundry, take out trash
*Budgeting, brainstorm ways to cut phone bill
*Read paper for DG's project
*Try bonus problem from stats pset
OK, right now going to prep for mtg w/ TJ (print out my resume, read 2 of his papers and take notes on them), then go to mtg w/ him, then prep for mtg w/ RS, look at seminar schedule, and send some emails. At 2 I'll go to lunch w/ RS if I've heard from her; if I haven't, I'll finish up emails and head to WG's lab to work on documenting files.
Heading to chatbox now for mtg prep.
OK, going slowly, but going.
I have last 3 MITs left to finish, and I've started 2 of them.
Right now, I'm going to finish unpacking, clean kitchen, start laundry, take out trash, finish secondary struct. analysis, document 1 file.
I prepped for mtg w/ TJ, and it actually went pretty well (I was expecting him to totally blow me off, and he actually seemed open to the idea of working with him).
Mtg went until 1:30. After the mtg, I took a lunch break, then have been goofing off for the last 20 min and need to get back to work. I'm going to take notes from the mtg, then send necessary emails and look at seminar schedule, then prep for mtg w/ RS (rescheduled for later in the week), then head to WG's lab to work on documenting code.
Heading to chatbox now.
Update 5:30--took notes on mtg, prepped for mtg w/ RS, sent emails, looked and seminar schedule, did budgeting+brainstormed ways to lower phone bill (not on the list...), now I'm ready to work on WG's project.
Documenting code seems really scary, so I'm going to start w/ sth a little easier...going to work on secondary structure analysis for a bit (with some music to help...)
CI 11:54 PM
By the way, is it better for me to reply to my original checkin post each time or edit it with a "time stamp"? Does it matter?
I thought about trying the chatbox, but have decided against it. It works for me now, but is too much of a temptation.
Going to bed now. One of my worst habits, time debiting with sleep. Good night.
CI - 2:24 PM
Finished organizing one set of writing assignments as M&D drove in. Still working on daily routine. Obstacles have been phone calls and plumbing problems.
CI - somewhere around 9/10 AM
I am sending out intentions to the Universe that no one calls today unless it's an emergency. Possible that Mom & Dad might have car trouble while out in this gloomy weather.
I have several big black holes that need to be explored/cleaned up today, so I can get on to other things. I have procrastinated so much on them that they've grown out of control.
Cleaning out/decluttering my writing and writing "assignments" are two biggies. I also have emails, taxes/money, job/resume, shopping list, gas spreadsheets, etc. to take care of.
Mom & Dad will be gone all day instead of just a few hours, so I have the house to myself and Heidi and the cats. If I don't get sidetracked/procrastinate, then I could be able to get a lot done before they get home.
One of the reasons I procrastinate on my daily routine is because I don't want to deal with some things/problems on a daily basis, money, for example. But when I don't I get into trouble and fog.
Stay warm and dry :)
Gentlemen, I believe we have much to discuss.
(Robert Lansing as Control, The Equalizer, Trial by Ordeal.)
Good morning all! I'm very tired and fuzzy headed as I ended up working all weekend. I asked for the day off tomorrow because I'm exhausted . . . but still I need to make it through this day. I feel like sitting here doing nothing this morning, because I deserve it! but that is counter productive. I will make a light todo list for today, get the really important things done, and let the rest slide. First coffee. Lots of coffee. My intention is to leave here at 4:30 today.
Things that must be taken care of today:
There is a proper balance between not asking enough of oneself and asking or expecting too much. - May Sarton
I am checking out of my unhealthy patterns and checking into the healthier ones with the help of PA site and members
1. make call
2 Do "basics" ( meditaitons-journal)
3. make list
4. check in again later
I need to be flexible today because my kids have off and I want to help them with their school work. But I do want to get a walk in
Flip through reports(done)
Read through file (in progress)
Research for issue
Hi Pro Buddies!
I'm hoping to go for a bike ride as soon as it gets daylight. It's a work holiday for me here. I'm doing my CI & puttering around for a few minutes while waiting. Other people in my neighborhood may be working today, so if there is noticeable car traffic during my bike ride, I'll come back to the condo early.
Putting the second coat of paint on the dining room is my goal for this morning. I'm trying to be careful with the ladder, etc.
Packing for an upcoming trip would be helpful, too. I'll see what else I get into as the day goes on!
8:20am. Bike ride = 90% as fun as usual. Even though traffic was only sporadic, I did have to monitor/take side detours more than normal. The weather was overcast. But I enjoyed my bike ride & viewing the spring flowers as best I could :) Next: I have put on my painting clothes. Yesterday I could paint without turning on the inside lights. Today I will have to have the lights on. Which is ok; it's just the difference in weather/cloudiness we are having! Today I'm not sure if I will do the painting in one session or in two. I guess I will see how it goes! ;)
10:35am. Both coats of paint are on the dining room now! :) Yay! :) I need to rinse out the brushes and clean up before deciding about lunch. I am thinking about going out for lunch today?
12:05pm. I'm back from an early lunch. There is a restaurant I like. On evenings and weekends it can be too busy. On spring/summer holidays, if I go right at 11am, I can usually get in and out fairly quickly and get a meal I like without having to wait :) Plus, now I have a yummy to-go box in the refrigerator now, so I can enjoy Part 2 of the meal later today or tomorrow :) Next: there are things I need to do around the condo. I am thinking about goofing off instead ;) I guess I will putter around & see what I can get into ;) Then at 2:40 I can start taking the painting tape off the dining room walls. I want to re-assemble the room before I go out to my 12-step meeting in my other program tonight.
4:55pm. I visited the Re-Upholstry shop next door. They are very nice. I think sometime this year I will take a chair over to them, and see how it turns out.
I have taken the painting tape off of the walls. The paint job I did looks at least minimally ok. Philosophically, I guess the paint in a room should be secondary to everything in the room? I will try that outlook. Next: I want to move a bookcase and contents into the dining room, in prep for the later project of painting the living room.
5:50pm. The bookcase is in the dining room, and re-filled with books, CDs, DVDs, etc. In about 40 minutes, I will be going to the 12-step meeting of my other program. Things I *should* do: fill my gym bags; additional straightening up around the house; run the dishwasher; pack for upcoming trip. Maybe I will start on some of those.
Have a great day, everyone! :)
Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)
Love the starter. Very apropo for where I am today.
Hope everyone had an enjoyable and restful weekend holiday. I'm not sure how to go about planning for the day. Got nothing done yesterday. Caught up with friends back home on the phone, watched tv and slept a lot. Maybe that is not such a bad thing since I felt myself coming down with something when I first woke up (sniffles and sore throat), have been sleep deprived and generally don't know how to "schedule" days off for myself. They sort of happen once I've completely exhausted myself out...
I did, however, manage to get all my household cleaning out of the way this weekend. Also, I'm almost up to date with filing, reconciling bills... a big feat for me since I tend to let things pile up in a ridiculous way.
That being said, I have not been able to practice for a few days now. A lot of fear. Also, I'm feeling discouraged. I will try again and commit to two hours today.
List for today: exercise (just finished), review notes for 1 hour before study group (will try tomorrow again), study group (done), 2 hours practice (It ain't pretty, I'm not happy... but I'm doin' it now! done!!).
Wishing everyone serenity,
dd home for spring break all week - a challenge for work - must be really focused and use the time I have wisely! Lots of grace needed!
Word and prayer for the day: 2 Cor. 12:9 (niv, message)
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness."
My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into its own in your weakness.
Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become.
God does not just want to give you strength - He wants to be your strength!
Right action follows right thinking. Joyce Meyer
My to do list:
Confirm appt w/client – clean/prepare for 2.30p
order tape, ss paper
job1 final revisions, email proof
library, store, hospital visit
respond to label job email
plan job1 - 2 wk schedule
Clear email/inbox for day
job 2 continue tools: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/2023#comment-29655
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