Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
Tuesday 15 July 2008
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Recycler CI 9:36pm EST
I have been distracted all day by finding out this morning that ex-hubby had a mild stroke 2 weeks ago. I feel so sad. I really like ex-hubby, even though it got to where a decision had to be made.
Tonight I came home from work and got on the Internet, but didn't feel well enough to post. I went to a meeting of one of my other groups, and mentioned it during the meeting. That didn't help, but at least I went out among other people.
Today: elliptical, stretching, work, deposited stimulus check before sending amount to ex-hubby for medical bills, ordered items for new kitchen.
I'm ok, but the last number of days have just had too much going on.
Have a great night, everyone!
Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)
cl 28min bookend
so i have 1/2 hr (28 min left) to have my quiet time. I dont believe HP can be rushed. HP can perform miracles instantaneously. Deadlines are realistic in life.
cl 28min bookend--went well
Convalaria on Wednesday at 8.30am
I think that I feel a little bit better today. The paralysis was horrific for the past two days. The plans were over the top and overwhelming. I will try to break down the tasks in THE BACKLOG a little bit more today. I also have a few administrative things to do for mother.
Now I want to:
good luck with everything, Convalaria!
Pace yourself, and good luck with everything!
Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)
Rita checking in, hurting
Hi, Lark and Kromer - seems like we are the only ci's today. I am away from home at a large conference where my big project got presented yesterday and today - appreciated by everyone except my project mgr who basically had one negative response after another for me. Uck. I feel terrible, frankly. All that hard work to overcome procrastination and keep up with the project, and the Authority Figure gives negative feedback. This effectively cancels anything positive that anyone else said, so much so I cannot even recall others' comments right now. I've been in my hotel room fighting tears, checking out the local AA scene (no meetings nearby for another 5 hours...) and thinking about compulsively eating, shopping and/or isolating. There are other people here from my team but none are compulsives so I really feel alone, misunderstood and unappreciated. Got the poor-me's really bad.
When I planned this trip I knew I could not check-in to PA Sat-Sun-Mon but thought by this afternoon I could check-in with a plan for some paperwork in my hotel room (flight home isn't until tomorrow). But right now I feel like I need to first call my sponsor and unload emotionally before I do something really stupid.
OK, committing that right now and will report back when done. Thanks for listening.
Hugs to you!!!
Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)
Great that your presentation was well-received
by the majority? I know how vulnerable one can feel
giving a GROUP PRESENTATION(!) and being criticized
by the Authority Figure...OUCH!
Maybe a walk or swim could alleviate some of the stress
and sadness? Just a thought...as I like to treat myself well
when at a hotel for business or pleasure! Or even a great
bath or jacuzzi?
I was just writing about my childhood (earlier on this
page lower down) and how
my dad distanced himself by being RIGHT< PERFECT
AND CRITICAL! Maybe it was HIS FEAR of intimacy?
I now see that I AM LOVABLE---and CAN BE LOVED
AND LOVING NO MATTER WHAT! AND that I CAN LOVE
OTHERS AS WELL>>>THROUGH THEIR CHALLENGES!
I now realize that others may use criticism as a way
to keep themselves SAFE FROM THEIR OWN VULNERABILITY!
WHAT A CONCEPT! It doesn't make ME wrong or less lovable!
Rita checking back
Done. The Authority Figure has been shrunk down to size and so have my feelings about it all, thanks to good sponsorship. I no longer feel like doing stupid stuff just because my AF is jealous of my successes. But also, I no longer plan to spend a beautiful day in one of the nation's top tourist destinations, working in my hotel room! I'm going shopping and tourist-ing shamelessly, enjoying a well-deserved afternoon off after weeks of grinding focus on this work. I'll check-in sometime tomorrow, depending on Internet access enroute.
Greetings also to Rick/Adventure and Focus, (I'm going to look for that book you mentioned about HOW I DO ANYTHING...Everything). Thanks for being there, y'all.
Hang in there Rita!
Well look forward to hearing how you thrive inspite of the negative internal voices. Posting is a good start today to keep you accountable. Wishing positive thoughts! I feel for you in my own battle with my stinking thinking.
It's better already. Man, this stuff really works! :-)
Rita's Great Presentation
I wasn't on yesterday, so missed your posts! Glad you got through all that. A presentation in front of a big crowd is MUCHO stressful, not to mention dealing with the AAF (a*****e authority figure!).
"In our minds, we seek to be divine; but in our hearts, we know it's party time." - Rondo Bros in Aquarium Dreams
3:24pm for Lark
Hey Kromer. Thanks for minding the store today. I was very busy, but now I'm a little tired and alot lazy. More work to do later. I'm watching a movie a little at a time for three days, and I may watch 20 minuttes or so while I rest. Instead of getting into anything new, I'm going to make progress on stuff that's already started. Nice to cross things off the list, huh?
Rest of the day:
clean out car
clear out garage
put stuff away in workshop
put laundry away
do section of work project
Rick's Check In 12:15pm PST
Wow ... hey Kromer - only two of us today? I've had a busy productive morning, but I can't let that keep me from the pesky big jobs.
My MIT's for today:
- MAIL A STACK OF TRIP INVOICES
- FINISH APPS
- TODAY BOX
- CHECK OUT before bed
Rick Checking Out
I did a lot of good work today, but I let myself run out of gas and the MIT remain undone. Well I did check out .. so that's one out of four.
kromer 8:25 CI
A bit slow getting started this morning. I need to deal w/118 emails from my inbox, email DR about grad tuition, and email PF about vacation. Then I'll assign coregulators to be activators or repressors, then leave for lab. Check in with a comprehensive plan for the day when I get to lab.
kromer 10:45 pm CI
I've got last bits of work MIT (barring bugs) running, will let them chug away while I start on other stuff.
I gave SS money and emailed her.
Now I really need to look for apts, or I will be homeless! I just emailed my friend to commit to sending her some ideas tomorrow. I'm going to spend an hour tonight: 20 min reading tips for apt. hunting, 20 min reading campus-specific listings, 20 min looking at craigslist. Then I'll spend 1-2 more hours tomorrow.
Check back for every 20 min increment of apt. search!
You seem to be posting alot lately. You're where you need to be, as they say. I hope you get things going smoothly really soon, and don't be hesitant to post when you're having a rough time. Be well, and good luck.
kromer 9:05 pm CI
went to grocery store, had a snack, did a little work on my remaining work tasks, took an unplanned break.
Now I'm going to *finish* my work MITs (should take less than an hour), then leave $ in SS's mailbox, then check back in.
kromer 5:10 CI
This is a massive check-in day for me...sorry guys :blush: , having trouble staying on tasks otherwise!
I'm going to pack up, make list for bike store, go to bike store, go home+drop stuff off, make list for the grocery store, go to grocery store, and then check back in.
Update 6:45--went to bike store&got what I needed, went home.
Was really hungry, so had dinner, now I'm sleepy...
I'm going to work for 20 min on my remaining work MITs, then make a list and go to the store.
kromer 4 CI
OK, slow day, but I think I can at least get through my MITs.
I need to leave work at 5 so I can go to the bike store and the grocery store.
My remaining work tasks are (in very small steps):
*Fix scanning bug
**Run graph-making code (before 5) DONE
**Check # connections (after I get home)
**Make a clean,portable method for preprocessing data (before 5) DONE
**Run preproc on dataset (before 5) DONE
**Add command-line switch for AP v. #s (before 5) DONE
**Figure out which files are useless, route to subdirectory (after I get home) DONE
**List of possible arrays (after I get home) DONE
**Improve doc. (after I get home) DONE
**Run code on my dataset (after I get home) RUNNING
kromer 1:30 CI
Wow, it's lonely here today. What's going on?
I've gotten through 2 of my work MITs, and have 2 more to go: processing a dataset and figuring out/fixing scanning issue.
I'm going to spend 30 min on the scanning issue, and try to figure out what's up. I'll check back in with a plan to fix.
Update 2:15--Scanning issue doesn't seem to be a disaster...I just need to re-run concentration computation+scanning for a few TFs.Re-running concentration computations should take about 15 min of work + some compute time; re-running scanning might take a while (because I need to track down my code). Update again when concentration computations are done.
Update 2:45--after some unexpected complications, the concentration computations are re-running. While that runs, I'll going to start processing a dataset
Update 3:35--things are going very slowly! There was another problem with the concentration computations, that's fixed and they are running *again*. I also edited and compiled the scanning code, so that's ready to run as soon as the concentration computations are done. I tried to process a dataset, and realize that my dataset processing code is a total mess and really needs to be re-written. So my new task for today is the understand what's going on with the dataset processing code and to draw up a plan for fixing it. I'll start on that now.
Update 3:50--Things are picking up! Concentration code finished, scanning code is tested and running. Once the scanning code is finished, I need to start graph-making code, then I'll be done with fixing the scanning issue
It turns out the dataset processing code is actually pretty nice, just poorly documented (and I'd forgotten about it). So all I need to do is read it over and fix up the documentation (most critically, write a readme file). I think that realistically can get done today, though not necessarily before I leave work. So I'll start in on that now.
kromer 11:50 CI
Finally assigned coregulators to be activators and repressors. That took a long time!
Now I'm going to allow myself a 10 min break (and email AG), then I'll work out the equations for multicommodity flow. This should take about 2 hours. Steps:
1)Review equations for regular network flow
2)List constraints I need to include
3)Figure out what variables and constants I want to use
4)Work out all equations except node penalty
5)Work out node penalty
kromer 10:05 CI
Slow as molasses this morning!
I've sent emails/dealt with emails and gotten to lab, but haven't yet assigned coregulators.
MUST do today:
*Figure out/fix scanning issue
Assign coregulators to be activators or repressors
Work out equations for multicommodity flow
*Process 1 dataset
*Give SS money for ticket
*1 hr housing search
*Implement multicommodity flow
*House jobs stuff
*Finish posting signs
WOULD like to do:
*Post 2 sat expts
*Bug LC and SZ
I'll start by assigning to be activators or repressors (I left an important document at home, so I won't be able to finish, but I can get a good start). Specifically, I'll:
1)Assigning as many general categories as possible (hat,hdac,others?)
2)Assign indiv. histone modifiers (meth, demeth, others?)
This should take about an hour, back when it's done.
kromer final CO
Wow, I had lots of CI's today. Sorry for dominating the board!
I got all my MITs done today...absolutely nothing else, which is not ideal, but I can live with it.
Now shower and bed.
Checking in...REFLECTIONS ON PROCRASTINATION IN MY LIFE
Hi Kromer (and GANG!),
You sure sound busy with a lot of technology!
You ARE being SO PRODUCTIVE even if it
doesn't FEEL like it!? WOW! I can barely understand
all the activities you do in a day professionally!
I am having an interesting day writing in my
journal about my childhood history...re:
procrastination! INTERESTING to see where,
when, how all the DISCONNECT occurred between
THINKING AND DOING ! A lot of emotional
aridity in my environment growing up...so I spent
a lot of time alone, in fantasy world, reading or
being with my animals or on the farm walking somewhere!
GETTING THINGS DONE on the physical plane always seemed
to have a cold, harsh, mean-spirited, disciplinary edge from
my parents or teachers! BINGO! It wasn't ever FUN or
ENJOYABLE that I can recall! I was often (always?) criticized...
They were not patient people and frustrated in life themselves.
My teachers were of the 'old school' and quite mean,
harsh disciplinarians...It is amazing I learned anything
at all! Any type of corrections came with judgment or
some kind of pain...I remember once the teacher slapped
me across the face because I just couldn't 'get' some-
thing in math! That poor little workbook with red corrections
had holes you could SEE through from the erasure marks!
WOW, today she would have been sued, I bet (that was in
1st grade!) No, I did not even attend a convent school, folks, lol!
Today is a NEW DAY and I CAN BEGIN AGAIN!
I can ask my HP & Angels to LIFT , REMOVE, TRANSMUTE
the old pain in my belly that I start to feel when I recall prior
experiences...and the pain and disappointment in myself of
NOT FINISHING THINGS I BEGIN OR BEGAN IN THE
I have lit a candle, incense and sage while I clear out some
cabinets and go through old files(of creative projects and
other information that need a 'home' in proper feng shui
manner!...I will look into my
heart to see whether I wish to return to these projects
or call it 'complete!' to the extent that I pursued them
WOW! SOMEONE JUST CALLED ME and mentioned an exercise:
1)How did my mother distance herself from the world?
(I have to think about this...maybe by being VERY BUSY, INDEPENDENT, PRODUCTIVE...and ATHLETIC!)
2)How did my father distance himself from the world?
(by being RIGHT, PERFECT AND CRITICIZING)
3)How did I distance myself from the world?
By AVOIDING, BEING ALONE, SAYING NO, RESISTING,
4) Where do I feel this in my body? ( My belly hurts a lot when I think of all this! The teacher used to have to give me medication
for digestion at school!)
5) How do I feel when I say YES? NO? WHERE in my BODY?
***I think these exercises were taken from a workbook:
HOW I DO ANYTHING IS HOW I DO EVERYTHING...(?)
Thanks for listening! This is all really interesting
to suddenly unveil!
1) clean 2 cabinets
2) sort what goes into them
3) listen to phone call @ 5pm