I have a new therapist - and my new therapist told me something true that I had not really consciously realized before. I don't trust myself. I have been promising myself (as well as other people) that I would get things done. And I disappoint myself (as well as other people) when I do not. So I have not just lost the trust of other people - I have also lost my own trust.
I realize now that I am faithless and my faithlessness has been progressively worsening over the years. I used to believe that I would accomplish anything I put my mind to and that God would back me up as long as I was doing good. I never really had faith in other people not to screw up whatever I had done, but that didn't seem to matter. Now, I have no faith in other people, no faith in God, and no faith in myself. My faith pretty much comes down to, "Bad things will happen and I will get hurt."
Even when I stick to my half-hour plan, I can see myself sabotaging everything I do, so it comes out bad. My self-fulfilling prophecies have usually been pretty strong, either for success or failure.
Changing my self-talk doesn't seem to work because, in my head, one side of me is always laughing at the positive things the other side is trying to say. Maybe not just laughing, maybe also AFRAID to believe those things again, lest I get MORE hurt.
How do I restore my faith?