being kind to myself
so i've been using the PA chatbox for like 7 years now. and through some emotional work that i'm doing right now, i'm able to see that i have kind of been using action as a big stick to beat myself up with. that's not the whole story: i also enjoy working hard, and i've accomplished some important things for myself. but there is a punitive element that i'm now ready to let go of.
and letting go of it will probably mean doing less for awhile, or at least doing less of the things that are high priority but unpleasant.
and i just want to be okay with that and have appropriate expectations for the next few months. the part of my ego often screaming at me that i'm "behind" or "lazy" or "losing" is likely going to get quite loud, but if i can just refrain from reacting to it, then in about 3-6 months i'll be in a really good place.
so basically i have 7 years worth of body memory from coming here, and i just need to be aware of that as i try to rewrite some tapes. but it's definitely a success that i see the need to rewrite them.