Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.

another newbie

29 June, 2012 - 9:47pm - Nait

I can’t afford professional counseling right now, so
hopefully I can use this site to get help. 
Sorry about the length, I get too verbose when it’s about myself.

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I have been a programmer for over four years, mostly working
at an office that was 40 miles from
home with a toxic employer, but still managed to produce quality work.  6 months ago I got fired from that company (good
news).  The excellent quality of my
previous projects created and extremely good opportunity – my dream job.  Which entails working **95% from home** for a
prestigious group of individuals in my field, which would  allow me to learn a lot from them, and be
introduced to all the right people. 

You’d think I would be extremely motivated to have my “dream
job”…  but my feelings don’t match my
logic.  Similar to, how I know the only
thing that will make me feel better is working, but still can’t seem to do it consistently.

I keep screwing it up by procrastinating, which gets me
anxious, which then gets me paralyzed in a pattern of unhealthy thoughts, and
unable to work at all.  The "at
home" is a problem, but it's all in my head.  Even with no distractions, timeline scheduled
perfectly, and nothing else to do but work, I might still be stuck.  Sometimes once I manage to "break
through" I can work diligently and get in a good place, but every new
project I have is another start of my anxious/paralyzed procrastination
cycle.  It is making me go insane and be more
depressed.  I recently had to pass on a
project already assigned to me  that I
was stuck on, not because of difficulty but just because I was paralyzed.  I feel that I am on my last leg at this
opportunity.  If I could just work…  I have the skills required, it’s not easy, but
that’s why I like it.  Need to find out
how to stop myself from continually falling into this same rut. 

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I’ve become unable to be responsible with alcohol, weed,  or video games lately. Which has forced me to
attempt quit all three completely.  But relapses
occur occasionally.  I never used to have
major problems with these.  Somehow
completely sober with nothing to do but work I still manage to sleep, or get myself
into an unhealthy thought pattern instead of working.

 

Throughout my life I have always known what the “right”
decision was, and waved at it as it passed me by. 

I have chronic tardiness.

 

I feel depressed for no reason.  For a while I thought I was manic
-depressive, but I’m not depressed when there are no responsibilities on my
plate. 

Lately, I am thinking chronic procrastination is the root
of my problems.

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Cycle:

-- Contentment (from past accomplishment)

>> Easy/proper schedule

>> procrastination and unhealthy actions

>> guilt

>> unhealthy thoughts/actions

>> massive cramming to get done on time  --OR--  quit/failure

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Right now I should have enough time to work when I schedule
it, and still have time to do other things I enjoy.  Instead I end up doing literally nothing.

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Thanks in advance for your attention and support!!

 

‹ First Post Looking for bookending buddies, folks to do "co-working" with ›

Welcome to PA!

studentessa - 30 Jun 2012 - 4:50am
I think working at home is a huge problem for most procrastinators and I have never seen my own work-cycle so clearly spelt out as you did.
What helped me immensely was to break my work down into pieces while I was on the chat here and bursting for 15 minutes. So when I know I need to work I log on to the chat here, say hello, possibly find someone to burst with me, announce what I will do in the next 15 minutes, set the timer on my phone and (virtually) shout GO! and then for 15 minutes I do what I said I would do. It makes it easier to start and to keep going. 
Also, every four bursts, I take a 15 minute break, to have tea, check mails or whatever. And then I get back and work for for another hour. 
 
Granted, I do this mostly when I am already under time-pressure, but I keep getting better. I also found that if I take a day or two of break after the "relief" period, I do not get back on the wagon till the next deadline rolls around. So I try to tackle the next task right away, even if I am tired from the previous cramming.
I also think denying yourself relaxation is a form of punishment, which creates a negative cycle. While if you finish a project and you reward yourself with whatever it is that relaxes you, it might create a more positive cycle. But only for a day/weekend, mind. And then get back on the wagon on Monday.
 
Hope this helps you and see you in the chat soon.Wink 
 
You cannot run away from a weakness; you must sometimes fight it out or
perish. And if that be so, why not now, and where you stand?
Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 - 1894)