Saturday February 25, 2012

today is mostly a rest/social day. So far I've done volunteer tax prep, called a friend, and had lunch with another friend. This evening, I'm going to go to friend's bday party.

In the next 4 hrs, I have 2 more contacts I want to make: call shorty for one-on-one, call gpa. (And I also want to make food for church potluck!)
(went grocery shopping for potluck instead, decided I didn't have time to cook)

I also have some short work tasks:
*Finish script
*Collect control animal
*Check on expts
*Finish counts

Show up (done), basics, calender

Got past some big emotional/energy drains, recharged my emotions today and now will hope to do  the next right thing. 

If
By Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you
but make allowance for their doubting too,
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
or being hated, don't give way to hating,
and yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
and treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
and stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
to serve your turn long after they are gone,
and so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"

Ok, a good start to the day but then got into a negative mind-set about my home environment, that escalated into a row with my daughter and I just got into the vicious circle of me nagging her, her getting angry with me and being over-the-top, me getting angrier at her because of her attitude, and then... oh well, she really saw me lose it... :blush:

So then I went to a 12-step meeting and that helped, said I would make amends to her, but ended up coming home and with her still being angry with me, I felt angry again myself, and just kept up with the negativity a little longer...

UNTIL... I started doing something useful.

loaded dishwasher

put on a wash

started clearing my patio area, which was disgusting, due to a faulty drain (not mine) flooding and leaving a greasy residue on my paving slabs. Smelly as well...

Threw away some things that had been in that midway stage where they were out of the house but not taken to the charity shop or recycling centre as intended...so let my daughter have the satisfaction of dumping them in the communal bin..

And started doing some writing, which it came to me this morning was something I really needed to get into the habit of: an hour's writing a day, everything that I'm reading/learning at uni, things that come up in recovery, the creative writing which I resist doing, anything at all, just commit to an hour's worth of writing per day and not get too stressed about the calibre of the content!! So far I've done half an hour...

So things still not brilliant with my daughter but I don't feel as depressed and overwhelmed. I'm about to hang out the washing, feed the dogs... supposed to pick up a friend in distress and take her to a meeting at 7...all in all a productive day, but one perhaps lacking in simplicity: making my daughter so mad, and myself too, was the opposite of what I thought I'd be doing on this lovely sunny day: I was meant to hang out with a friend in a park, enjoy the weather, connect. I feel as if I have too much to do and that I can't be allowed the "guilt-free play" until it's all done...which is impossible!!!

Anyway, that's enough from me, it's 5.30pm where I am and the day is half over, maybe the best half is yet to come :)

woah! Has it really been 25 days since I checked in? I don't think so but not good that I can't remember the last time...well, lucky each day is a new beginning!

I need to remember that what I focus on magnifies! So, for the rest of today, I choose to focus on positive stuff...

I want to de-clutter so I can move forward in life!

10:30 make coffee and start on den!

11:30 break check back in!

keepin it simple for now...ready or not here I go!!

2:15 shower

 3:15 leave for work

3:45 work 

5.12 pm

Saturday is coming to an end and I am trying to reflect on the craziness and crisis that I was in yesterday. Basically due to having one project very overdue, and no longer seeing how I could meet the deadline for the next project, which I was also trying to progress. Not helped by staying up late and lack of sleep.

Ended up getting ridiculously overstressed. Got overwhelmed and was not coping. Grateful that my husband was able to listen and support; I try not to lean too much on him for this stuff usually.

This is direct fallout from days/weeks of procrastination on work, perhaps the worst lapse I've had since I started here.

Determined that the first project will be finished this weekend, now I've recovered my sanity. And I will just have to ring the client for the second one on Monday to tell him it will be a week late. Especially since I have committed to spending Mon-Wed supporting my mother with an minor operation.

So now that's two clients who will get their jobs late :(. But not the end of the world I guess.

I just hope and pray I can remember how bad it was to be in the stressed place when I am procrastinating on work next.