Wednesday February 22, 2012

 Omg wattaday...Good to know I'm not alone! The last 24 hours have been so difficult for me emotionally that when I imagine putting ashes on my soul's forehead, it actually feels comforting.  I am but dust....which beats mudd or other substances of similar ilk, lol.

Anyway it's all over but some forgiveness work for the people who didn't apologize.  I can do that on my way to and from a Step meeting tonight. 

I can't say today was unproductive, but I never got to make a plan before stuff started hitting the fan.  But I did pray my Third Step this morning, so my job now is to accept it and seek where I can grow from it.

BTW I've decided to give up speeding for Lent, and use the extra time for prayer.  This should help with my procrastination of when it's time to leave: no more thinking I can make up time on the road!

"My boundaries enclose a pleasant land." Psalm 16

Hiiiii, everyone. Good wishes for your day!

I want to feel better about how I use my time, today, than how I used it yesterday. So:

I choose accomplishment in reality over escape, today, particularly in these ways:

• I choose to postpone doing any online puzzles until between 22:00 and 22:30--I know that doing even one, before that, is one too many,
  because one almost never feels like enough.
  
• I choose to do my non-fiction listening only during chores or exercise or travel and before 22:30.
  
• I choose to do my fiction listening only between 18:00 and 22:30 and during chores or exercise or travel or project progress. 
• I choose to read fiction by eye only after therapy group and before 22:30. 
• I choose to experience silence after 22:30. I encourage myself to be in bed by 23:30, even if the lights aren't out. I want to feel rested and energetic when I wake up, tomorrow! I want to enjoy mornings!

(I did well with most of these, but stayed up very late)

Done (or Done Enough) on Wednesday, 02/22/12:
10:30 meeting
check with W re availability of beet juice
satisfy some of my curiosity re Andrey Lappa
shower, etc, and trim fingernails
check fit of new and refurbished cholis
enjoy some sunshine and photography
mail cell phone bill payment
read some more Havi Brooks
try some more Shiva Nata
between 18:00 and 19:00: review/transcribe/decide re voicemails for th grp (reviewed: any OK to play or not play, decided not to transcribe)
email S
by 19:00: leave for 19:15 th grp
decide if doing any grocery shopping after th grp
load and run dishwasher
do 15 minutes of Qi Gong (be careful to twist from lower place!)
do a little apa reading with pencil handy for comment notes (actually, I overdid this one, contributing to my late bedtime)
do 10 minutes of clearout progress (put some old mail items into the recycling bin)
take bedtime Rx

Made Progress on Wednesday, 02/22/12:
practice asking for an excellently-suited part of myself to "lead the V"
P.A. bookending and check-in
check with N re availability of beet juice (called; buyer gone for the day, try again tomorrow)
job work: make progress on incorporating rcts

High-Priority Items Not Done on 02/22/12:
use balancer at least briefly

Middling-Priority Items Not Done on 02/22/12:
do a light or dark load of laundry
update clearout goal
job work: progress on something besides rcts--see last status plans for ideas!
send thanks and Qs message to A
make a little more progress on beading
journal a bit re DC vs. Rally &/or relation of regression/luck to procrastination recovery
make some increment of progress re getting Tai Chi prompts correctly set up
do a little library book skimming

Lots of stuff piling up.  Did manage to eke out a couple hours' worth of work finally yesterday.  This morning is a different story.  Have been here since 9 and have only managed to have breakfast, look at personal email and handle some personal business, like paying overdue bills online. So, two and a half hours wasted.  Today I want to force myself to do 2 things: plug away at cases in timed work blocks, and take timed personal breaks during which I allow myself to work on things of interest to me.  *Maybe* the latter will help me feel that I am getting some things done, a bit at a time, so they don't become big overdue problems.  maybe a little personal time will also help me avoid going off on extended jags of compulsive internet news surfing or emailing to blow off steam, as it were.

Goal 1: 45 minute work block

Goal 2: 15 minute personal time block

COMMENT: I am leery about trying to go for 45 minutes, but 30 and 10 didn't really let me get anything done last night during the 10 minute blocks. The 10 minutes became a slow transition between 30 minute blocks, which just wasn't helpful. Maybe 45 and 15 will keep a good proportion while helping me to get ahead faster during the concentrated 45. Then I want to take 15 for myself.  Now, I am going to limit how I use that 15 of personal time: no non-work internet unless it is professional society-related (more on this momentarily) and no personal email between 11 A.M. and 6 P.M. today (P.A. is an exception, of course, unless I start to abuse it as a substitute for surfing).  I am behind (natch) on work related to my professional society involvement.  I see that work as helpful to me  career-wise and for networking reasons.  I feel (hope) that my reputation there is still largely unsullied by my recent career stumbles, and want to keep it that way.  My next job may well come about through contacts made in the professional society.  

Goal 3: Leave at 7 PM. Yikes.  Scares me just to think of it.  But I am very tired and need to keep trying to set some boundaries to my time at work.  Essentially "hanging out" at my workplace after "normal" hours doesn't let me have much of a life outside of work and reinforces my bad procrastination habits.  If I can always stay a little later to compensate for procrastinating away my best work hours, I will.

Goal 4: To bed by 11 PM.  This goes hand-in-hand with Goal 3.  If I don't leave at a reasonable hour, I don't get to bed at a reasonable hour.  If i don't get to bed at a reasonable hour, the next day I am tired, and my mind isn't fresh or sharp.  Ergo, I have a hard time making headway or concentrating at work, and wind up staying late trying in vain to catch up. And so on.

Few goals, but potentially positive ones today.  Off to it.

Hi everyone,

thanks for this program and this check-in.

I started off fairly well, once I got up I did my HP prayer, a five minute yoga routine, had a healthy breakfast and walked the dogs. Then home, fed the dogs, had a coffee and went to my NA meeting. 

Then, home again, I procrastinate like anything instead of working on my assignment, which is due in tomorrow morning. I DON'T want to be up all night trying to finish it off!!!! I've had lunch, had a cup of tea, set up some new software which is supposed to help, but which frankly freaked me out (mindview, mind-mapping study aid: anyone know anything about it? Helpful tips?), and as I've already begun writing the assignment I don't want to start all over again, I just want to keep going with what I've got... So, I've opened the document, written about three words, and now I'm here instead, moaning about it!!!!! Aaaaarrrrgggghhhhh.

And I have a little job to go to in a couple of hours which cuts right into my day, so I really need to get myself going NOW!!!!

I'm sorry for ranting, I'll try 'bookending' over in the chatroom, that helped before,

thanks,

Hazy

Hi!

Up, check email & internet. Puppy still sleeping, so haven't taken her for a walk yet ;)

I think I will work on some doll photography while waiting for her to get up :)

Have a great day, everyone! :)

Recycler

Thank you, gals & guys, for being here! :)

Back after a few weeks. Got caught in the frenzy of shopping for my first late model car. It was exhilirating but now back to the real daily work.

 Wake at 8am

Make coffee for me and D

Spend morning with D ( til 1oam)

look at car manual

research city taxes

Hygiene

cleaning

Make lunch

out of hourse by 2:15 for work

opps went to wrong day, will ck in when I wake up.

pm

well a whirlwind day with nothing but red tape, but I kept showing up, did everything I could , basics, and prayer:

chapter 11, p 99 12& 12

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace;

that where there is hatred, I may bring love;

that where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;

that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;

that where there is error, I may bring truth;

that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;

that where there is despair, I may bring hope;

that where there are shadows, I may bring light;

that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.

Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;

to understand, than to be understood;

to love, than to be loved.

For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.

It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.

It is by dying that one awakens to eternal life.

Amen.