Wednesday January 19, 2011

Please do not leave advice.  Thank you.  Prayers welcome. 

This is the second day that I have followed through with the following:

"I'm making a pledge to quit using the dating site(s) and Facebook for 90 days.  I had written this on my 43things account, but I wrote that I wanted to avoid dating sites for a full six months, so I think 90 days is reasonable for a dating site.  I also have a penchant for looking at and stalking this one person, which has prevented me from sanity.  Just all out stalking this person has been all out crazy.   For the past few days I have visited his profile, even though I'm not actually on the dating site.  So part of my whole thing with quitting dating sites is also quitting stalking people's profiles that I've tried to date in the past.  If I accidentally load a dating site, b/c I accidentally clicked on something obviously that doesn't count.  You can hardly hang a cat on the Internet without hitting a dating site ad.  Intention is everything. "

In other words:

• 90 days away from dating sites and facebook
• 90 days of not stalking people's profiles of people I've tried to date in the past
• and I'd like to add: 90 days of not stalking people I've tried to date in the past, which includes trying to IM them.

Anyways, due to my fantastic procrastination and not getting out of the house soon enough and acting clueless, I have got to watch "Donkey Skin" tommorrow in the media center sometime from 9am to 8pm. I also need to deal with a past due amount, by depositing my check from EDD tomorrow and checking my bank account.

Seattleguy1968s _Check In

TO DO:
make protein shake and drink
Super Project I

:D = Done

I've had a little feedback from people — and some internal worries about what you all think — about my llsts and renewals. Are they really recipes for failure? Are the to-do lists too much, more than I could possibly do? Are the renewals too fussy and meticulous?

The to-do lists are highly fallible — I literally do not know how to put only what's realistically achievable on the agenda. I never learned that skill. I have to be open to feedback on that, and I am.

The renewals I feel pretty good about. Unless I go through all of this and remember who I am and what works/doesn't work for me, I almost invariably return to default behavior that creates suffering. It helps me to spend 1/2 hour strolling through this review-and-confirm protocol. 

TO-DO LIST

FIRST THINGS FIRST - RECOVERY

• morning prayer
• daily renewal
• to-do list
• call 1 - sponsor
• meditation
• spot inventories as necessary
• exercise
• call 2
• call 3
• meeting
• read griffin, love as hp
• write & post step 1 mental health

WORK

• client #2: microcontent for topic pages
• client #1: revise/send weekly analytics report?
• client #1: daily site report
• client #2: follow up with producer on regional stuff
• biz dev: send contact info, perhaps twitter leads to "handmade" woman

PERSONAL / ERRANDS

• pa contribution
• return call: JM
• pick up spanky 1.19
• eyeglasses replace lenses
• charter re cable bill

DAILY RENEWAL

• I'm powerless over impulsivity in response to any sort of emotional tweak.
• I can't manage my life. But I can practice trust that the river of dharma can — when I cease struggling and give myself to the current.
• I quit. I'm out of management. I'm listening for guidance and information from Higher Power, I'm open to doing whatever it might suggest for me, and I'm willing to follow instructions.
• I want to be sober today. This is what sobriety looks like, as best as I can see it today:
  • Inner Circle behaviors (bottom lines, abstinence requirements) — just for this one day, I'll do whatever it takes to abstain from:
    • sleeping to avoid work/reality
    • using my sexuality to avoid work/reality
    • working without a clear plan -- a prioritized to-do list, a time-boxed calendar
    • working outside the PA Chatbox -- e.g., failing to bookend each task
    • staying in vague, unstructured time during business hours
    • impulsive, self-willed decisions about what to do, or work on, during business hours
    • perfectionism: seeking immunity from disapproval/judgment. Typically I alternate between (1) avoidance and (2) unbounded research, editing, rumination until I feel total mastery over the subject; together, these mean I can take 10x-20x longer to complete a project than a "civilian" would. I'm not sober if I'm exceeding my time estimates more than 3x-4x.
  • Middle Circle (gray area; potentially signs of decline in spiritual condition)
    • working without trying to define scope of a task/project
    • working without trying to estimate how much time a task will take
    • working without a timer and without recording hours
    • Isolating
    • dishonesty
    • not communicating with people when plans change, when conflict or potential conflict arises, when I've done something I feel shame/embarrassment about
  • Outer Circle / top lines:
    • 3 phone calls a day
    • daily prayer
    • daily meditation
    • 5 minutes stepwork each day
    • 3 Meetings / week
    • regular exercise
    • Putting at least a little time each week into business development
    • Looking for opportunities to love and support my family and friends
    • Doing whatever's necessary for me to experience my work process as one of choice and freedom.
    • An evening 10th Step - what did I do well? what could I have done better?
    • Choosing to read something — could be recovery, or professional, or a serious novel or history etc. — instead of watching TV
• Only higher power can keep me sober, but I need others to connect to higher power — and other people can help me see things I won't otherwise see, and can help me be accountable.
• this is just for today. I can stay abstinent for the rest of today — I don't have to live in fear and despair today. And I can do my best on all the other stuff for the rest of today. Tomorrow's not my concern.
• I turn my will and my life over to walking whatever path the truth — the dharma — reveals to me.
• In the 24 hours ahead: I intend to write quick spot inventories if/when fear and anxiety arise, then turn them to another person and to HP.

Good day everyone,

My basics: gratitudes, affirmation, check calendar, plan to plan, vcml/ck email, vitamins,

To do basics: Billing/clear email for day before, Exercise; Ran 35 min; Stretch/Calisthentics 15 min

Other tasks that aren't work related:

Take car in for repairs.   Done (had put this off for weeks and it was minor repairs but door handle in driver side not working)Well got the mechanic call saying of course there is more work to be done -- but good I caught it early.

 Washer / Dryer Service - Done scheduled / left payment

Do fast and get blood test tomorrow morning at lab. Have put this off for 2 months so it's time.

Make brisket I bought over weekend in crock pot for dinner.Thought I could do it in 15 min. Ha! But took 40 min by time I researched recipe (I am new to crock pot cooking always did it the old fashioned way) & peeled/chopped -- not bad

Reading:

Be Not Anxious

If we are
conscientiously working the PA program, we may leave the results to our
Higher Power. To worry is to insult God. When we admit that we are
powerless over procrastination and that our lives have become unmanageable, we can
then ask for and receive strength and power beyond ourselves. When we
turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand
Him, we are free to live without anxiety.

At first, we are
awkward. We turn over our problems and anxieties one minute and take
them back the next. We forget that the Twelve Step program has worked
for countless other compulsive people--alcoholics and drug addicts as
well as procrastinators. Doubting God's strength, we fall back on our own
weakness, and the result is trouble.

Through our contacts with PA
members, we can see lives changed and people made new in body, mind,
and spirit. These examples are convincing testimony to the efficiency of
our Higher Power. The more we trust His will for us, the more He is
able to work miracles in our lives.

Take my anxieties, Lord. I pray that Thy will may be done.

Adapted from

tracy-la

Today is a very meeting-heavy day:

*11am mtg about odd job
*1-3pm gc mtg (at which I'll present K stuff)
*4-5 mtg w/ advisor
*(maybe 5-6 seminar, if I have the energy)

Other than that, I need to:
Make sure presentation is pulled together
Check on experiments (mostly done)
Ask about labeling pr.
Deal w/ email (working on this now)
Orders (started)
Shopping and cooking, clean kitchen
Email DW

Prayer time
MB new project

OK, right now I'm going to check on expts, then I'll make sure presentation is pulled together and ask about labeling pr., then it'll probably be about time for 11am mtg

 Show up (done) Thanks for starter lennon, crossed my first hump, showed up here. It's  a start, now look at calender. Thanks for being here PA (ers)