Disappointments, frustrations, and procrastination
Well, today is Thanksgiving. I fear my thoughts have not been very thankfully oriented.
This morning I got up for the 7:30 phone bridge, but no one was there. I guess I had misunderstood what had been said. I thought they said it would meet, but evidently they said it would not meet. Disappointment.
Then I had Thanksgiving with the family of a close friend who was just admitted into a D&A treatment center. Because of the schedule required for going to visit her, we ended up having our Thanksgiving meal at Waffle House. Disappointment and frustration.
And so the day continued until now. A friend I invited over at 7 arrived at 9 (when I was beginning to get ready for bed), messed up my kitchen again making food (I would not cook at that late hour), and took over my living room, turning the TV on and not engaging with me at all. Finally, I have come upstairs and started writing this, feeling very angry - AT MYSELF for not being more assertive. Disappointment, frustration, and anger.
I have used these negative emotions all day to deter me from productive work, got sidetracked on meaningless activity, did not exercise, and have not worked on my PA stuff. And so, one more clue of how unmanageable my life has become.
I came across a post here from October 27, 2010, about Step 1 which said "We recognize it is time to move from crisis mode to a prevention mode," and another which said "motivation follows action." I now realize that today, on the day focused on gratitude, I have focused on negativity and self-pity.
I am going downstairs, tell my friend to leave, spend some time realeasing to God, and go to bed. Tomorrow is another day and another chance to handle disappointments and frustrations without procrastinating.