Monday November 22, 2010

Hi All,

Thanks for the starter Lucky!! Thanks for your reply to my last posting Jo!!

Grateful that I am focusing on work today, at work. Will check in later with a to do list.

Still haven't been able to open my credit card statement for fear of... Still haven't assigned the old account to a new 0% card.

I have, thankfully, thankfully, thankfully, begun to clean my house, with a different attitude since we decided to call it quits. It feels like I'm no longer carrying that depression.

Also grateful that my sensitivity is on a lower scale today and I gave my girl a bath yesterday and she looks so pretty!!

Tonight: clean hall stairs, wash kitchen floors.

Regards and prayers, to all!!

♥Prayers & guidance needed & appreciated for my Yoffee's emotional & physical healing.♥

DAILY RENEWAL

• First thing is that my to-do list is virtually identical to the one I posted last thursday. I'm powerless over under-earning, under-being, hiding from reality, living small. I'm powerless over perfectionism, procrastination, intensely uncomfortable feelings (fear, despair, etc), more substances and behaviors than I'll ever recognize in isolation. I can't manage my life. I quit. I'm out of management.
• I want to be sober today. For work issues, these are the inner-circle behaviors I want to avoid:
  • sleeping to avoid work/reality
  • using my sexuality to avoid work/reality
  • working without a clear plan -- a prioritized to-do list, a time-boxed calendar
  • working outside the PA Chatbox -- e.g., without bookending each task
  • staying in vague, unstructured time during business hours
  • impulsive decisions about what to do, or work on, during business hours
  • failure to record hours with a timer during business hours
  • failure to estimate how much time a task will take (no matter how many times I get it wrong, I want to keep trying)
  • failure to scope a project
  • engaging in perfectionism: seeking immunity from disapproval/judgment via a strategy of producing nothing until I feel total mastery over the subject, and then chipping away at a deliverable until I'm certain it is unassailably perfect. I'm not sober if I'm exceeding my time estimates more than 3x-4x.
• I'll do whatever's necessary today to walk a path that allows me to be useful.
• Only higher power can keep me sober, but I need others to connect to higher power — and other people can help me see things I won't otherwise see, and can help me be accountable.
• this is just for today; tomorrow I can go another way if I so choose.
• I turn my will and my life over to walking whatever path the truth — the dharma — reveals to me.
• in the next 24 hours, I'm not planning to do anything I would be ashamed of.
• obstacles ahead: fear, anxiety, urge to be dishonest.

TO-DO LIST

WORK
- client #2: send why donate page (by 1pm) 

- client #2: read several emails I've been avoiding (by 1:30pm)

- client #2: send concept memo - sharable microcontent (by 4pm)

- client #2: send email outlining proposed work arrangement, include suggestions for process/staying on track/connected (by 5p)
- client #2: review notes from NYC and create to-dos (?)
- client #2: read project-summary email and create any to-dos (?)
- client #2: ask SP about crossover between two parts of campaign (?)
- client #2: send webstrategy doc (?)
- client #1: wed-thurs report

ERRANDS
- order replacement eyeglass lenses

RECOVERY
- call sponsor
- call (12 step call)
- call (spot inventory/feedback)
- daily renewal
- exercise (run or walk @ 2:30p)

- journaling
- meditation
- meeting
- morning prayer
- readings
- 15 minutes stepwork

Strange strange strange, to wake up spontaneously at 5:20 in the morning and get up and go. I made my bed, stripped linens, took a shower, cleaned the bathroom, walked to a 12 step meeting, enjoyed the meeting, walked home, took medication and ate breakfast, did dishes, checked in with a PA friend, checked my email and just spent 10 minutes on facebook. I am ready to go back to bed, but am hoping to stay awake to work through a bunch of stuff I can get done on the computer.

I am pleased that I don't have to do much this holiday, which is unusual and a welcome change. Not being able to use my hands much has really allowed me to appreciate the efforts of others and feel like those times that I pitch in are a gift to my family instead of a chore. A very nice mental shift I hope to hang on to.

For right now I am going to check my second email account and then start working my way through the computer folder.

Success is not final, failure is not fatal

 My top priority project is DONE!   Well, there's still a lot of paperwork to be done, but the final install was Sunday morning.  I'm taking the day OFF.   I'm going to relax with some coffee and a book for a while, then take some time to review my goals and projects.  I have a bunch of housework that needs to be done too, and I will catch up on laundry today.   

Jo

I want to thank my Higher Power for this program, this website, the telephone and online meetingzs, and my life.

I want to thank Lucky for starting this trend.

Thing I have done

Went to the 7 a.m. telephone DA meeting

Things I will do

1. Go to the 8:30 a.m. telephone PA meeting

2. Go to individual therapy at 10 a.m.

3. Do numbers

4. Eat breakfast

5. Look for bills

6. Pay bills

7. Take shower

8. Get dressed

9. Send out Al-Anon literature for today

10. Make bed

11. Wash dishes

12. Go to Kroger and get some milk

13. Go to my mothers to get the bottles

14. Go to work at 5:30 p.m.

Thanks for letting me share

Done:
Checked email
Replied to post

Todo:
Get up prayer and reflection
Bath and wash hair
Admin check files letters photocopies etc
Food and stationery shopping and pick up forms for Post Office
Report faulty electic socket to landlords

All in all I feel in a bit of a muddle and I don't know why - I think it is because I have a lot of odd bits to do.

Regards Rexroth