I am New

In three hours I'm supposed to hand in a fully edited custom dvd to my first bride that I have shot her wedding all by myself. Where is this project? I've only edited the ceremony so far. The deadline was in April. It's not my first time I've done this, and I still want to push the deadline even more, but her kind caring voice has now turned frustrated and disappointed, and she's had enough of excuse after excuse. I don't know why I've driven myself to do this, I've always done it since high school, my work at wedding production facility, and even to my own short film that I've produced and directed, the final edit was done two days before it screened. 

Not only do people not rely on me anymore, it's making me not even seem talented anymore. My boyfriend who lives with me is saddened when I don't do projects that would benefit me. I was admitted to enter a prestigious competition to edit for a famous group of people, the raw footage discs were on my disk for months, I choose to drop out because I felt like "it wasn't right" to edit it. Even though it was my procrastination.

I think little moments, such as watching a movie, cuddling with my boyfriend, even to this email where I rather be writing than editing this wedding that's due in a matter of hours. I'm editing a wedding where I should be editing my actual work, I have three projects due where I currently work and most of the day I spend it on facebook, youtube, movie sites, and just the internet in general. 

I am a fast worker, so I can do my work super fast, I don't need to do a week in advance cause I know i can do it in one day, I rather have fun everyday  and do it the day before. But what always happens is last minute mistakes, complications, and again another call to delay the project once again.

It's not just work, it's everything. From cooking, exercising, or planned out activities. I just don't like to plan ahead, because I rather cancel. You know when you say to someone " I already have day scheduled, I can't make it." I say, "Sure I'll just tell *whoever it is* that I can't make it and hang out with you."

I don't want to this anymore. I don't, I'm only 19, I want to be wonderful in everything I do, I don't want to burn bridges anymore. 

I just wish I had a little more time to do work, or just be completely shut off from the world so I can sit down and just do it.

I just need help and support, and the will to do it. I have no will anymore, it has completely taken over me, procrastination. 

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I finished the wedding and sent it to her house, but it was not on that night I wrote this introduction, but the following morning, I had to work all night to finish it.