Vic Unfinished Business

another year-5.25.14 still much unfinished but need to look at positive

1. showed up 2got  younger son graduated without my help would have flunked 3 older finished reserve training,4 we went to ga,virgin b, napeles, ft walton5. gotnice audi6 bought repo 7 rid of bf, 8 did not pick up x,y,z 9 deaalt w n legally1- mar better

hope to finish

1 ts 2 airl ck back here more

  Beware of the leaves and flowers
without the strong root,they soon wither.
The higher the growth up the deeper must
be the enrooting, or work ceases to be permanent. 

Really want to beat myself up but need to acknowledge my successes.

1. have "showed up" consistently as per my definition. 

2. HAVE NOT relapased in any other 12 step programs.

3. Homeschooled my son through 11th grade, had remarkable results.He exceeded my expectations,even though it took all my time.

4. Older son graduated going into reserve next week and got him signed up for community college.

5.  did lots of service in one of myother programs.

6. driving my son to work every day @ 100 mi (two 50 mi round trips) Is costing me a fortune and all my time, but he gets practise driving with his permit, he was promoted, they are promoting him again when he is 18, he keeps out of trouble because not much to do in our area, he works at amusemnt park - best place for kid to work.

7. still married, marriage improving.

8. rented our income properties and next getting ready to sell.

9. got house refinaced at 3.75%

etc,etc,etc=so everything pretty much on family stuff. 

My career jobs are on hold and I need to remember how things would have been if I did not sacrifice or do it this way. 

I am happier when I am more productive and with the help of pa need to be willing to be willing to do what works. 

want to start planning for next stage of my life.

Nice to look back. Have not found a smoothly working system yet, but at least keep trying.

so now keep tract;

2/7/tues 

wf- b sterner, feb, padot feb

2/7

June 2010 Mel Goals Unfinished business  I am changing my special project name because when I see "unfinished business" I get this sick feeling. PA Business sounds healthier for now.

Back to saying "unfinishd business" -the whole proint of me procrastinating was not to get the sick feeling, I am going to get it, just need to accept it. Not being honest with myself if I think I can avoid this.

1. Review my week every Monday. Be aware of appts, deadlines, etc.

1. resent letter from lat mp this mo:

(1.  hm ins, 2. passports) almost for # 1&2 3. comps 4. math (A)5. LS 6 dentist/call dr  7 summrt classes (started)

 found ALL KINDS OF TEMPLETES TO USE ONLINE TO ORGANIZE- May meloriism was really scattered, need better organizations. ave too many need to keep it simple.

ok, noto great but there is some movement here.

positives: 1. I have not lost all my plans 2. Amazing that when I look, it reminds me to do 3. I have taken some responsibility here, even though I want to sweep everything under the rug, and be in the fog of rocrastination, clutter, this pathetic plan allows me to get some things done in spite of my issues.4. I am in the beginning stages of willingness 5. Starting to think of myself differently

I lost my balance with school stuff (the yo yo like everything all or nothing) In the end I put the school stuff first - I could not focus on anything else I just dropped everything. Now it is not so easy to get back in balalnce because I have a backload of things to do. It is almost like the food. I was a yo yo seemed to be undereating or binging. When I stopped binging, even though I was eating healthy and exercising, I had the additional problem of the weight because it does not instnatly go away. I just want to "take off" for awhile, eveything seems overwheming, that why bother to start.

So today I will do one thing at a time and try to get back on the beam.

Writing things/saying things down really helps. yOU WOULD THINK i WOULD KNOW WHAT i AM THINKING, BUT IT SEEMS I don't until I listen, write, talk. I use a PA friend's voicemail as a sponsor sometimes, it has the playback feature, so when I listen to what I am saying, I get a whole new perspective. (sometimes it is like an out of body experience, like am I really the person who is listening or am I the person who is talking. As long as the listener is kind and compassioante to to talker, it works out)I have that feature as well, but it does not work unless I use hers..

Last mo Mel goals were symbolic of what I was trying to do, finish a scyscraper without any building plans. The tepee was throwing together some sticks and a blanket on top, anyone could do that. and it was a start, and that is exactly what I did, I threw together some tasks and mailed them.

If I want to build a structure, so many things to consider, #1 foundation (PA), #2plans,I am using some templetes I found, so learning how to use my plans this month. I can see how things work at the end of the month.

Goal, to look at my building plans every morning- just be aware.

I feel ok about what I did. I am at the beginning stages of change here. I feel like when I quit smoking 30 years ago. I knew I would change, but it had to be gradual. It took me 5 years before I thought of myself as a "non-smoker" during that time, I felt like a smoker who was "not smoking" . That is kind of how I feel now. I know I will be more productive, but ight now I feel like a procrastinator/avoider/discomfort doger, that is occationally willing to change the things I can.

I have so much unfinished business, I can make it a whole separate catagory to work on and practise with seperate with the daily stuff.

I feel hope for change of that  nameless sense of being  unfit for reality by dealing with my feelings here.

At least I still have them here written down, that is about it have not lost them

  I need to look at my unfinished business more from a tepee view, looks more at my architectural level right now. Today, I looked at unfinished business items, 1st step. Tepee are cool.