Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
Procrastinating right now.
Hi everyone. I procrastinate right now by introducing myself. But at least it's useful procrastination. I've realised I've got a procrastination problem a while ago and by now it has become so bad that I decided I have to do something about it. So I googled for procrastination (until a newspaper article last year I didn't even know the word...) - and found you. And for that I'm really thankful! I haven't had any experience with addictions so far, but the way it has been described here seeing it as an addiction makes so much more sense of my behaviour!! Being a very rational person, until now I could not really understand why I'm acting so irrationally.
In general I am a very optimistic, forward-looking and ambitious person. I'm about to finish my studies, and I'm good at what I'm doing. Once I get myself to do something, whatever it is that I have to work on, I enjoy it. Paradoxically, as you all know, nevertheless, I just won't do it. Because I don't feel like it or I'm having a bad day or working conditions are not right, or I'm afraid to fail, that is, not do it good enough. I also set myself quite high standards which I'm unable to tune down unless I'm forced to by the time limit - when getting the major part done the night before the deadline between the occasional panic attacks... But being a perfectionist is not the core of my problem. Although I am one. The core is that I just don't do my work. Even if I'm feeling like it (at least a bit), having a good day and being optimistic. But in the end it is because I just "don't feel like it". I just don't do it. I do other things. Usually more or less useless things. Like playing on the computer. Or reading the news. And the familiar consequences set in, feeling guilty, being angry at myself, being unable to enjoy things any more, trying more or less desperately to do something, failing again, feeling even more guilty...
This has led me now to a point at which I am about screw my master's degree because for a year now I have busied myself with my master's thesis but still have written only 13 pages. I have four weeks to finish. I've lost money having to pay extra tuition fees. I think I'm disappointing my family because they can't understand why I won't just finish it and get on with my life. Especially since I've got excellent marks (despite procrastination and underperformance the professors miraculously still thought my work was above average, which did not provide any incentive to change, so far). And I really just can't imagine telling my family "My problem is that I am a procrastinator - and it is an addiction." I think they would not understand it. Like before people would not understand that depression is a psychological disease and not just a "I'm not feeling good"-phase you'd get over at some point.
My procrastinating behaviour already started while I was still in school and became worse and worse over the years. It became especially apparent during my studies when I had to do longterm written assignments. I just wouldn't start them until it was almost too late. It was not a matter of not planning or organising my projects well, but of just not working on them, ignoring schedules I had set and readjusted over and over again. However, by now, apart from messing up my thesis, I have a feeling my procrastinating behaviour starts to spill over into my private life as well. So I really, REALLY hope I'll be able to get better by joining you.
Finding this website has given me many useful insights already and I'm really glad I've found people who know what this problem is like. So after putting it off for weeks still thinking I could manage without it, today I decided to introduce myself and start to participate in the check-ins to see how it works for me. Wish me luck! I've got four weeks (and the rest of my life but that's different matter)!
T.
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welcome tuffl
had to comment on your story, because it's soooooooo familiar.
especially:
> But in the end it is because I just "don't feel like it". I just don't do it.
that came thru really strong in your post. Stronger that most people, altho most of us acknowledge that element. but i sense that one really strong in myself. for me, too, it's at the core of this whole syndrome.
i am also very relieved to know the addiction model of this behavior, because for me too it fits so well with what i'm experiencing.
FWIW i think you have an excellent chance of nailing that thesis in the next 4 weeks. If you're like me, tho (and it appears that you are--sorry--wouldnt wish this on anyone) it will mean many episodes, very uncomfortable episodes, of overcoming that resistance. That, as you so aptly say, illogical resistance.
my best advice to you for these 4 weeks is this: keep it up. This is a great site for posting successes, failures (posting failures is KEY), restarting.
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the touch of the master's hand: http://procrastinators-anonymous.org/node/1898#comment-27748
"fall down seven times, get up eight" - japanese proverb
Welcome Anita
I have been a part of procrastinators anonymous for about two weeks now. I know the pain you are experiencing not wanting to do the work I am working on completing my undergrad and having the same issues (fear of failure/fear of success). I would like to go on to graduate school but I have felt discouraged because of how things have gone with procrastination this semester. I have a couple of more semesters to go to complete my degree.
I can tell you doing the daily check in has helped because it keeps me moving and doing someting even when I don't complete everything on the list. I think I like the accountability without the badgering, nagging, or expectation but praise when I get something done.
I also have experienced the lack of understanding from others when I say I am a procrastinator, they misunderstand saying that they are to, and I should just do it, or they laugh when I say I have joined this group. But I am finding support here and I am learning even at this early time to treat myself a little better.
Well Anita I have to get out the door and to work but good luck to you and congratulations for taking the first step.