Friday, February 19, 2010
I just needed to unload stuff in my head & didn't want to bore anyone with my numerous dramas & fears...so I figured I will dump here in my newly created Journal!!! There is some crazy things in my head that I need to get out completely, so read at your own risk...and not on an empty stomach or on a full one either - LOL!!
The waitressing interview went well yesterday. Already I am having all kinds of craziness/paranoia in my head if I get this job.
Now that I found the chatbox and used it my last job & how much it helps, if I'm waitressing I won't be able to use it, unless I get a blackberry?
With me - if I'm obsessing about something, it usually means that I won't get what I'm obsessing about (this job) because on some level - I'm not being met.
The person who interviewed me was extremely positive, but he said he doesn't make the decisions, his boss does, so that already freaks me out in some way. Like he knows I will not be hired. When I left he said he hopes his boss calls me in next week - which means another interview - AAAHHH. I get a scared feeling about the boss. I fear he won't like or want me. I also have this crazy idea that this guy wants me to be hired so the staff can abuse me. The interviewer also listed me as being able to work every day. I don't want to work every day and the shift requirement is 4 days...that's plenty...
This restaurant is very popular and known to have excellent food. We've eaten there on special occasions because it's expensive. I'm afraid when I see what goes on in the kitchen, I'll be grossed out and this restaurant will go "down" in my eyes. I'm also also scared of waitressing. I have a horrible memory, will I screw things up? I remember waitressing 20 years ago and my hands would be shaking...I would pray I would get no customers.
I think I could be good at it, because I like to offer good customer service and take care of people. I will also be running in to a lot of people from my old neighborhood, if i get this gig. I hope to use this as an opportunity to make amends. I'm afraid if I get a big party...I'm afraid if children come in (I don't have the "kids" gene) - not 100% true).
I am also afraid of the "down time." I figure since I will kind of be "in training," I'll be around when it's not busy and I'm afraid of the other staff, my paranoia is really bad, & this is a perfect situation for it to kill me. I would probably bring a book and maybe get a blackberry, get an ipod...I would like to connect with my fellow workers too, but I'm terrified of being scapegoated, etc. Maybe if and when I gain experience I can graduate to the busy times and not have to worry as much. If I get this, I would like to make it fun for me and the customers & staff.
I was confused by how much he liked me...I'm not experienced, etc., but this interview was so unlike the last waitressing one I went on, they were kind and if nothing else happens, I appreciated that. Fear, fear, fear, fear....my biggest is not having you guys to check in with during the day to keep my head on straight...have to think of things. I want this, if I get it, to be a financial situation that will help me start my doggie business. I am already greedily counting my tips and money & thinking I might make more here than in my last job.
Also, I have a tendency of going in to a job, the first 6 months are great & then all heck breaks loose. I usually end up going into a situation looking for the bad..and somehow I usually find it - LOL...
Freaked out also because we need the $. My old office manager called and told me how much I owed the firm, which is going to take all my savings. I'm grateful I have the money, but terrified to not be able to pay rent on the 15th or anything else.
I haven't been able to open my checking account to see how the monies doing because I'm too terrified.
Thankful to have a place to come, where I'm accepted, understood and not alone anymore.
Keep the peace!!