Thursday, November 12, 2009

 For the past week or more I've been having tons of inspirational thoughts and moments of feeling really positive, and yet failing much worse than usual. I've made my train to work precisely once this week, been late once, and got taxis three times, at a total cost of £40, which means I'll be likely to run out of money before the end of the month. I'm spending ages in the bathroom because once I sit down on the loo it's a huge struggle to force myself to get up. My scalp is picked raw and it's only a matter of time before someone notices, if they haven't already. The washing-up sitting in my kitchen is nearly a week old. I'm unbelievably sleep-deprived because every night this week it's been at least 1am before I could force myself to bed. I look scruffy and my productivity at work is laugh-or-cry awful.

I feel constantly on the verge, or even in the early stages, of a breakthrough and yet it's not happening. Can anyone advise me on what's going on here? I feel like I'm going barmy!

Edit: Hmmmm... too much caffeine? I have started taking caffeine tablets in the past couple of weeks - I worked out that I was wasting the best part of an hour a day making myself tea and coffee and it had turned into a form of work-avoidance, so keeping caffeine tablets at my desk seemed like a good way to save that time while not going cold turkey and falling asleep.

However, too much caffeine would explain all of the following:

* Euphoria that doesn't really translate into action
* Super jittery (the picking habit plus craving chewing-gum so badly I've contemplated chewing blu-tac)
* Can't get to sleep (until serious exhaustion took over in the last couple of days, I was not only up till 2 or 3 am but was then lying awake once in bed)
* Can't concentrate (worse than usual!)

Argh... argh!! Will cut back drastically on caffeine and see if that helps...

There's some sort of police SWAT action about three blocks from my house and the whole neighborhood has been in lockdown since 11 am.  That would be distracting enough - but the worst is the police helicopters and now all the news helicopters circling overhead.  I'm one of the 30% of people who sense the world primarily through my ears (70% are primarily visual) so this is miserable. And my boss got very impatient with me on something today that I felt was quite unfair. And I pulled an all-nighter to catch up work tasks (my own Gulag method, NOT recommended!) so I am really tired too.

There, I feel better already.  Now I need to get present to the next 2 hours worth of challenging conference calls. 

Higher Power, please help me (even though I don't deserve it and feel guilty about the work-bingeing).  HP I trust you and need your help. Thank you. Amen.

I got up on time today, but have struggled to push through things. I am depressed about my lack of belief in my ability to succeed at work. Even simple tasks seem overwhelming. For today I want to acknowledge that even though I don't feel like I have accomplished anything, that I have done some things and continue to putter in the right direction. Most importantly, I think I need to get to an AA meeting.

"There are two different kinds of people in this world: those who finish what they start, and"
---Brad Ramsey

Dear God, thank you for all the wonderful things in my life, thank you as well for those not so great things that help me remember about the good ones!

1. a minute to talk to God
2. show up
3. @W
   1. Attend 9:00 meeting  got 20 minutes late... apologized, not big deal but made me feel bad cause I hadn't arived late to a meeting for a while.  
   2. Place POs for
      1. WiC C&C not necessary - will be sent over - provided info for it!
      2. CaCV wall inst.
      3. Mtng rm materials
      4. BB for JPCor
   3. Work on Projects
      1. MoP
      2. WiF
      3. AV mntt
   4. Send L2Rprt 
   5. eMail cleanup from 909 items! 840
4. @G
   1. AltMtn poster/mail requested help from Alf
   2. Retr poster/mail
   3. attend today meeting
5. @H
   1. FinRprt 

Life is a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get!

Back in the office today in my newly fixed car.  I've been to the gym, read email, checked calendar and made todo list.  I'm feeling anxious about some issues with my daughter, but I'll put that out of my mind and concentrate on work while I am here.  I'm really excited about one of my projects and happy to be learning this skill set.  The rest of my job is not that much fun but it's ok. 

First thing to do is work on an issue with Project E and don't let those people suck up too much of my time today.  This is their top priority but it is not mine, I have other work that needs to be completed by the end of the year, so I need to keep my eyes on my work goals.

After getting the ball rolling to figure out their problem, I will spend a couple of hours on Project V, and then try to put in an hour each on Project P (the tedious one) and Project O.  There should be an hour left at the end of the day for little stuff. 

Tonight I need to have a difficult convo with daughter. 

OK, let's do it, y'all.

Jo

"The world is my classroom, each day is a new lesson, and every person I meet is my teacher" - Craig Harper

Good morning

The last several days I've literally been "too busy" to check in, but I've managed to stay focused on my tasks and balance one against the other pretty well. I did have to work until past midnight Tuesday but that was because of a client's urgent need, not because of my own poor time management. Yesterday I was out all day, and when I got home in the afternoon, I moved my weekly task overview/review to wednesday afternoon from this morning because that was really all I was good for then.

Today I do feel the pull of distraction from several sources, so I'm here now to get/stay on task.

MIT#1: Project P-01

MIT#2: Project D-K-2

MIT#3: Project C-L

MIT#4: Project T-M-C

And a number of smaller tasks if I can get to them. 

BEGINNING NOW, focus on P-01

~~

Want what you have. Be who you are. Do what you can. ~Forrest Church (1948-2009)

~~

The Hero's Code:

Show Up. Pay Attention. Speak the Truth. Let Go o

 Show up (done) Made a baby step to "find plan method", will it work???,

The way to succeed is to double your error rate. Thomas J. Watson 

After 2 weeks, sent out computer adaptor UPS. Only a miracle from my HP that I was able to find everything, including label, but I did it. Trying to do 1 thing a day. Having no problem at all with doubling my error rate!!