Flying and crashing...
For those of you whom have gotten to know me a bit, you'll know I've been working really hard lately - working 16 hours a day some days as well as tending to my home, DH and two kids under 4.
I was on a roll - I was getting really busy in my new business and had some opportunities to change jobs in my paid employment to something I liked better and that had less contact hours so I could concentrate on my business. DH had agreed, against his gut, to reassess our finances and reduce our mortgage payments for a year to enable me to earn a lower income and follow my dream.
Last week I lost my job opportunity (they decided they weren't going to create the role anymore), and realised I had burned my bridges in my current role in my enthusiasm for the new one. I had nothing but my business. I came home early all upset, and then got some negative feedback from a client. I crashed. I gave up. I got sick, couldn't do anything, and had to go clothes shopping (which instead of making me feel better, just exhausted me...I was tired enough to begin with..bad idea).
I have been really slack ever since. I have blown off things I need to do for clients, and all I have had the inclination to do was apply for a couple of jobs. But the salary will barely cover childcare and I have no experience in the roles (am overqualified and unqualified all at the same time...if that makes sense..).
How do I get back my confidence? I am now doubting myself, feeling like a complete failure who keeps making stupid mistakes. So now I am too scared of this feeling of failure to want to try.
I am doubting my ability to run my own business, and even frustrated the hell out of DH last night when I told him I now wanted to be a teacher and that the post-grad diploma would cost $12,000. He threw his arms up and told me I was really stressing him out with all my indecision. I know I am. I told him how does he think it makes ME feel to not know what I want to do??????????? :(