Procrastinators Anonymous is a fellowship of men and women who share their experience, strength and hope with each other that they may solve their common problem and help others to recover from chronic procrastination.
Flying and crashing...
For those of you whom have gotten to know me a bit, you'll know I've been working really hard lately - working 16 hours a day some days as well as tending to my home, DH and two kids under 4.
I was on a roll - I was getting really busy in my new business and had some opportunities to change jobs in my paid employment to something I liked better and that had less contact hours so I could concentrate on my business. DH had agreed, against his gut, to reassess our finances and reduce our mortgage payments for a year to enable me to earn a lower income and follow my dream.
Last week I lost my job opportunity (they decided they weren't going to create the role anymore), and realised I had burned my bridges in my current role in my enthusiasm for the new one. I had nothing but my business. I came home early all upset, and then got some negative feedback from a client. I crashed. I gave up. I got sick, couldn't do anything, and had to go clothes shopping (which instead of making me feel better, just exhausted me...I was tired enough to begin with..bad idea).
I have been really slack ever since. I have blown off things I need to do for clients, and all I have had the inclination to do was apply for a couple of jobs. But the salary will barely cover childcare and I have no experience in the roles (am overqualified and unqualified all at the same time...if that makes sense..).
How do I get back my confidence? I am now doubting myself, feeling like a complete failure who keeps making stupid mistakes. So now I am too scared of this feeling of failure to want to try.
I am doubting my ability to run my own business, and even frustrated the hell out of DH last night when I told him I now wanted to be a teacher and that the post-grad diploma would cost $12,000. He threw his arms up and told me I was really stressing him out with all my indecision. I know I am. I told him how does he think it makes ME feel to not know what I want to do??????????? :(
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'Organising Women' :o)
A cyberfriend on another board posted this:
'Organizing woman came over with files.. can you tell I'm disorganized cause I can be helped by a woman who is often late and has trouble remembering phone calls? '
Thought it might just help to know that people don't expect organising people to be perfect! And they can still help too.
Gee.....
She'd better get her act together because most people aren't that kind!!! My clients all think I'm fabulously organised, thank god. Well, I suppose I am really organised. I just leave most projects unfinished....is that disorganised????
Thanks for thinking of me :)
Organising and Procrastintion
I think there are links between organisation and procrastination. I think many chronic procrastinators are also good organisers - we sometimes procrastinate ~by~ organising. From the outside, we can seem very efficient - as long as we don't tell other people what our projects are they don't know we haven't finished them, do they? ;)
You've got it in one..
I use 'organising' as a major procrastinator. I write lists of lists of lists and then re-write them neater. Then I spend some time planning how and when I'll do those things on my list, then need to re-write the list again!!!!! And so on!!!!
And I file and catalogue, and re-file and re-catalogue.
I love organising - it's a form of escapism for me :)
Organising
Which is great in your job, because you get to do the organising, then hand it over to someone else to follow through! It's great if people can complement each other like that - you can get them started, and they can do the ongoing/finishing bit. (Sadly, I have trouble both starting ~and~ finishing, LOL! I don't know what team I'd be good in!).
A team of 3
;)
A starter, a doer (you!) and a finisher! And you can be the fun one who keeps everyone else motivated :)
The fun one!
LOL! If I'm fun it's probably only in print!
No matter how...
You ARE fun - you're delightful!!
Why thank you!
The feeling of failure is no fun!
I feel the same way and it's not a good place to be. I have a job but don't do the best I can. I have an opportunity with a new company and with the upcoming background check my past is about to not only catch up to me but publicly humiliate me. Procrastination put me here and I have gotten away with a lot until now. And now I feel the same way you do and frankly it sucks. It's hard to get out of the failure hole, but when I read your story I actually saw a light at the end of the tunnel for both of us. I suppose you have to fail at something before you succeed at something. Without failure how would we know what success is. I'm sure you have succeeded at many things but are focusing right now on what you consider a failure. First start by acknowledgeing what you have succeeded at, do something you know you're good at on a small level, like a sport or a talent you have. Take a second to really appreciate yourself and recognize it as a success. Time will help. Try to focus on the flip side of your failure coin. There's always something good out of it. You just have to look, you'll find it. I'm searching myself and I think I'll try with some exercise, the natural endorphines should help as well. Good luck to you, I know how you feel, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel.
Good luck..
And keep me up to date on the new job :)
I am trying to think positive at the moment. It's hard, but I refuse to give in to the dark side.
"I'll never join you, Vader!!!!!!" }:)
Thanks, guys..
pro, thanks for the understanding. I didn't get fired, but if I stay I will get put under performance management (ie, get the first of my warnings BEFORE they can legally get rid of me). I can succeed at that job if I really try, but I don't want to. And the longer I stay when I know my boss wants me out (and the whole org'n knows) is just prolonging the agony. I will check out that book, it sounds interesting - thanks. I often ask myself "You're really smart, you dufus - why can't you just apply yourself and succeed?". I do like to take risks - I avoid excessive deliberation (unless it's forced upon me by sensible DH ;)) and like to just jump into things when the impulse grabs me. I guess that's why I make lots of mistakes, too. I haven't had a 'spectacular wipeout' tho...yet...
slider, I am doubting both career choices. I hate my paid job, and I'm also wondering if I'm cut out to do POing for myself as well. I take things so personally when it's my business - I'm a emotional person (I have been crying at every ad with a child in it for the last 3 days, for example!) and I can't remove myself from what happens. Teaching was something I considered a couple of years ago before I got onto the idea of PO. I would be a good teacher, but I don't know if I'd love it or not until I try. And of course given my notorious history of changing my mind, I might want ANOTHER career change.
What am I searching for???????? My problem is that my vision is currently blurry. I feel great when I have firm goals, but now they are like jelly.
Thanks for the PM, Normy :)
career confusion
Ugh - can I relate!! I have similar confusion. I lost my former career, don't really like what I chose to do next, am broke, and can't decide which way to turn.
Horrible feeling, hey..
It's what I hate the most - the indecision about which path I want to take.
I guess we're in a similar boat at the moment!
career and critical relatives
One of the really difficult things for me about my career confusion is the lack of support of my family - or should I say, the outright attacks from my brother, who is so incredibly condescending and insulting it's unbearable. I had another a big fight with him last night.
I sent email to my family that I was planning to close one of the businesses I started that wasn't working out financially, and which I also didn't enjoy doing. My mother and brother both said I should keep doing it (which is what they always say), and then my brother added the usual, "If work was fun, they wouldn't call it work." He hates his job, and thinks everybody else should hate their jobs, too. He thinks I'm a spoiled brat for (1) attempting self-employment rather than getting a 9-5 job, and (2) insisting that I like what I do. He'll argue with me incessantly about what I'm doing like it's any business of his.
When I got mad at him last night for again doing this, he said it sounded like I needed more Wellbutrin (an antidepressant). He said it in a really sappy way like he meant it - like he thought I was insane and needed to be medicated. That did it. I totally went off on him, and refused to check my email since. I told him he was a pompous, self-righteous, SOB. That was last night.
procrastinating on work because you hate it
By the way, I realize that I've been procrastinating on doing work for this business (those client emails) because I hate it. If I enjoyed doing this, I wouldn't avoid it like this.
Brothers
They can be like that. For some reason some brothers seem unable to relate to their siblings in an adult manner.
You can tell your brother (if you're still speaking to him!) that ~I~ like my job, all the people I work with like their jobs, my DSO likes his job - so there's over 60 of us just off the top of my head. No reason why you shouldn't do work that you love. I wasn't aware the definition of 'work' included negative connotations (there are even people who enjoy 'work-outs'!). so yah boo sucks to him.
Now, ~I'm~ not behaving in an adult way, LOL! Sometimes sisters can be like that too ;)
I'm not talking to him, and...
...I'm afraid to check my email. I know there are nasty things in there from last night that I didn't pick up and read. These emails upset me.
The problem is, he never lets up. He just keeps harping on me incessantly until I agree with him and do what he thinks I should do, or stop talking to him. I've decided I will not tell my family what I'm doing anymore - I don't want their input.
I alternate between being very close to my brother, and fighting with him like crazy. It's been this way since we were children.
((((Milo))))
Pro had some good things to say. My heart goes out to you, because I understand the indecision and the pressures. Even tougher for me than the pressure from work and hubby is the internal pressure to never displease anyone else while going after what would please me. When I get all bent out of shape, meditating helps. But don't focus on all the problems--focus on possibilities, options, what-ifs that would be wonderful! Then see if you can begin to get ideas about how to get from here (problems) to there (your vision). One thing that concerns me is that you seem to be reacting, not responding. You've been wanting a change in jobs for awhile. The one you were hoping for tanked. But is it enough to take just anything--including teaching--or do you still have the dream of moving into your own business? I know the dream is all shaken up and your confidence is low, but is the DREAM to do it still there? Why jump to this idea of teaching? To be sure, there is more structure than in running your own business, but school with little ones is no picnic (I went through seminary and had my babies at the same time and it was hell!). Or has this been a hidden alternate dream all along? :? If you are totally fried in your current position, or have already quit or been fired, then seeking a workable substitute that still leads to your dream of running your own business would be a less drastic option. Being unemployed altogether is frightening, but survivable even if not pleasant. And who knows? Maybe this is the universe's way of shoving you straight into your own business. Could it be an opportunity, albeit a frightening one? Are you willing to claim your wishes? Nothing ventured, nothig gained! (Ok--I admit that now I am attempting to encourage you to do something I don't know if I have the courage to do. But if you CAN muster the courage, then, wow!!!!)
Milo...
I'm so sorry you're going through this, Milo! I know how it feels to have everything go wrong at once - have your career crash and burn. It happened in my own life a few years ago, and I got so depressed I needed antidepressants to pull out of it.
>Last week I lost my job opportunity (they decided they weren't going to create the role anymore), and realised I had burned my bridges in my current role in my enthusiasm for the new one. I had nothing but my business. I came home early all upset, and then got some negative feedback from a client. I crashed.
Did you get fired from your regular job? Is that what you mean by "burn your bridges"? Getting fired from a job is extremely traumatic. I've been fired twice and laid off once, and it's a devastating experience to anyone who is career focused. It shakes your confidence to your core.
I read a wonderful book that helped me look at the situation differently and get out of my funk. It's called "When Smart People Fail". I forget the authors names, but it's by two women. If you search for it on amazon.com you'll find it. They talk about how virtually everybody has the experience of failure in their lives, and if you don't you're not taking risks and really living. Every time you reach for something, there is the chance of failing. You have to reach anyway, and if you fail... oh well. It doesn't mean that you are a failure (that failures defines you), it just means that the last thing you tried failed. The book gives examples from many famous people's lives that show success is frequently accompanied by spectacular failures - total wipe-outs - because you can't succeed without taking these kinds of risks.
You're okay, Milo. You just need to lick your wounds for a while, and learn the lessons from this experience. What did you do this time around that you can do differently next time?
Sent you a PM