Failure to Launch
I just caught myself starting to launch into work even though I have not finished my morning routine. I am still in my pajamas at 11:20 am. I have not looked at my planner or even a calendar, yet I was about to launch into a project for organizing all my papers and put them into binders. Now, I NEED to organize my papers--who knows what is lurking within those piles? But this one-two punch of not finishing one thing and leaping into another is bound to cause me trouble. I'm very likely to find myself knee deep in this activity and have somebody knock on my door or get an emergency phone call requiring me to dash off to the hospital or funeral home or just get a chime from my cell phone reminding me of an appointment I have made and I will be delayed or embarassed to deal with any of them because I am not dressed! I NEED to take care of basics--shower and dress--but I put it off. Just now I recognized that my refusal to get dressed is a sort of passive aggressive protest: today is supposed to be my day off, but I have time-sensitive tasks that must get done today. As long as I am not dressed I am not really "at work." And if I am working on something I didn't schedule, it's not really work. I am perfectly willing to work on other things that I don't resent, but not the things I am OUGHT to be doing today. Talk about demand-resistance! But if I go get dressed now, I will still be resentful of my load and my lack of fun--but at least I don't have to add being embarassed to my experiences today!