New, grateful, and embarrassed

I just happened on this site doing a Google search for "time debting." Someone in my Debtors Anonymous group suggested that. This site is a miracle for me. I'm feeling humiliated. I just missed finding a project for work in time. I research in databases and let two days go by. It wouldn't be a big deal except in this case, the deadline was the day it appeared. I'm really upset about it. I have tremendous freedom in my job with no one managing me and now this is what happens. That's the short version.

I also suffer from fibromyalgia and other chronic conditions directly related to the fact that I work on a project basis and procrastinate so I work in short bursts of extreme effort so I am full of migraine and feel so weak and ill for days after. I need to change my life.

I swore I'd work a few hours today and didn't keep the full commitment to that. It's not who I am. I have a strong work ethic, but am not practicing what I believe. They ask so little of me really, but I could make it far less stressful if I just didn't wait.

So I am going to use the check in system and hopefully get to know you all. I'll be calling in on the check in phone line.

Feeling ill again, so I'm going to try to forgive myself and not work on work stuff over the weekend, but allow myself to rest. 

Thank you all for being here. I look forward to getting to know you.