Cycle of Diappointment
For a while now I have known my procrastination was a problem and have realized it could impact my life in a very negative way. Just recently though I have made the goal to stop procrastinating and so far the motivation of coming on here had helped some. However, I still have a long way to go. I'm in high school and I guess I feel pretty young on this website since many people on here are adults. Sometimes I feel sad that procrastination controls my life so much since I'm a teenager and supposed to be enjoying life (that's what my parents say). I don't have many reaponsibilties, the only major one is my schoolwork. Since I know that at some point in my life I have to learn to handle many things I'd like to greatly reduce my procrastinationg tendencies before I go to college.
I really do have a point. The question I'm always asking myself is, Why do I do this to myself? Why do I do things that will eventually sacrifice my happiness?
Because bad feelings/anxiety I get when I do something at the last possible moment aren't as bad as the consequences... which are disatisfaction with myself and just feeling like I have no willpower.
Like for instance, when I procrastinate my schoolwork, I know inside of me that it will just lead to a poor grade on the test. I think part of me is afraid of failure. Once I do REALLY bad (which is kind of a relative term since I'm a bit of a perfectionist), but whenever I do what I consider really bad on a test or something, I suddenly have the motivation to get my act at least partly together for the rest of the term and bring the grade up. In almost EVERYTHING I'm this way though, it's like I wait for myself to fail before I can take any action. I wait till the night before to write a paper and on occasion have even had to skip the first couple of hours of school and come in late but on time to turn it in. And once I have reached that point I feel totally awful about myself and the class becomes unsatisfying and annoying until I've brought my grade up. I really care a lot about how I do in school, so I just don't understand why I do this to myself.
So I guess do you guys have anything to add or say about being in cycle of dsiappointing yourselves? Can you relate to what I mean about feeling so frightened and down on yorself that any good intentions are beaten down?
Also, totally unrelates to this topic, but I was wondering if some older procrastinators could tell me some stuff. Did you guys have problems with procrastinating as early as high school too? How well did you do in high school and how much do you think it influenced your behaviors in college, graduate school, and careers? Any advice would be welcome. At this point my procratination can only get better!