An introduction and a request for help

Hello,

I have joined this group because I am a chronic procrastinator. I guess that I've been a procrastinator all my life, but it was only after my teens that it started to realize that procrastination was causing me big problems. I am now 35 and I feel that I have wasted most of the last 15 years of my life because I procrastinated.

It affects all aspects of my life: work, study and even accomplishing simple tasks as washing the dishes (and I have a washing machine…). It even affected my last relationship. I am now seeing someone who I love and I want to have a future with her, but I am afraid that she’ll find out about my problem (we’re not living together yet) and that it will affect this relationship like it affect the previous.

I have a job that doesn’t satisfy me, neither financially or personally. Even though I have never failed a deadline, I often find myself working late at night because I procrastinated during the day. I’m also studying engineering. I’ve been dragging my studies for ages. Even before I started working, I was already dragging my studies. Even tough I have enough time available to study almost everyday, I rarely do. I want to pursue a new career in engineering, but I still have 3 semesters to go. For the last 3 years, I haven’t set foot in an exam. I delay my study until it is too late and there is no point attending the exam. Now, at 35, I realize that if I want to change careers, I must move fast, because I’m getting too old in a very competitive world.

All of this causes me great anxiety and stress that sometimes turns into depression. I have sought professional help with a therapist in the past, but with no results. I just continued procrastinating. Last time I went to see my shrink, I told him that I didn’t want any anti-depressives because I had realized that the only cure for my constant depressions and my anxiety was doing something with my life. He agreed and we talked about my problem for a while. This was last February. Since then, I’ve tried to not let myself procrastinate so much. I think I’ve done a little progress as far as simple tasks are concerned, like paying bills, keeping the house more or less in order, but it is clearly insufficient. I’m having a test 12 days from now and I haven’t started studying for it yet.

The feeling I have is that time is running out for me. I almost panic when I think of the consequences of continuing to delay my life endlessly. Right now, the aspect of my life where I need more help with are my studies. I believe that if I manage to finish my engineering degree and get a new job, I will have moved forward and I will start to get some satisfaction out of life.