Not repeating my parents' behavior...

Or at least trying not to.

I'm new to the group.  Thank god for this forum!  I have never talked to anyone about this problem before, except lightly with my siblings.  

I come from a family of procrastinators.  My mother was a stay-at-home mother who spent 90% of her time lying on the couch, reading romance novels.   Every few hours  she would say something guiltily about needing to cook or clean or call someone, but then she would return to her book.  Every evening, shortly before my father came home, she would jump up and quickly prepare a meal and tell us to clean the house.  

My father was a workaholic on the job, but when he came home, he spent most of his time in front of the television.  According to my mother, he didn't spend time on maintenance or prevention, and only took care of the house when something broke.  Both of my parents hated leaving the house for any reason, and each time they were expecting guests or had accepted plans, they spent the previous day grumbling about the hated commitment.  Any plans or preparation was done at the very last minute. 

At the same time, my parents demanded perfection of us.  We were often criticized and punished for not having enough A's, laughing too loudly, sitting the wrong way, showing any type of emotion.  On top of that, my parents were extremely critical of everybody, and constantly critiqued the way their relatives and friends dressed, spoke, acted, etc. 

Now my siblings and I all struggle against lethargy, guilt, depression, anxiety and procrastination.   All of us are adults, so we can't blame our parents for our problems today, but I think it does help to look at the source.  Sometimes the only thing that gets me out of bed in the morning is telling myself that I am acting like my mother!

I  have no problem with procrastination at work, because I am always high energy and productive when I am around other people.  I feed off of their energy.  When I'm at home, alone, with my two cats, well, I droop.   I don't pay bills until they are late, I haven't done my taxes for several years, I don't keep up on the maintenance of my car...

Anyway, I often find myself feeling like a fake, fearing that someone will find out that I haven't paid my taxes and then assume that I am a "bad" person. It's so nice to read about other people who have some of the same problems. 

I'm hoping to learn a lot here!